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cannot take the silent treatments anymore!


fhl1

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I have now realized that my husband's recurring silent treatments are actually his way of punishing me and hurting me so that he does not have to take responsibility for his actions.

 

I am so tired of it, he left the other morning in a huff yelling at me saying he could not take it anymore and if i want a divorce that is fine with him. (i had just asked him why he came home drunk the night before when i thought he was at work-without even a call to me to let me know his wherabouts).

 

I knew he would return to the house later and "punish" me with his silent treatments s for 2 or 3 days and instead of that threat, i merely made a phone call to a locksmith right away and i had the locks changed.

 

I know it sounds drastic but i can't take it anymore, i feel like i am getting an ulcer and my son is affected by these silent treatments as well and he doesn't understand them. (he is 9)

 

It is a relief but i am scared of when the phone calls will start up with him crying and begging for my forgiveness.

 

We only just got married in August of this year!

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wow, after only four months? i'm sorry.

sounds like he is taking you for granted. also sounds like he never learned how to work out his problems in a mature way.

 

i would be concerned about the silent treatments, but i would also be concerned about him going out and drinking instead of coming home to his family.

maybe he was just not ready for being an actual adult & doesn't want to deal with the fact that he's not a bachelor anymore?

 

are you actually thinking about a divorce? or do you want a way to work this out?

 

you might try talking to him, but he may not listen. tell him that you wish you could handle your problems like adults instead of twelve year olds.

 

I would also suggest couples counseling. four months, in my opinion, is way too soon to give up.

 

if after a few more months nothing improves despite your best efforts, well, you may want to think about getting out for the sake of you and your son's sanity.

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The silent treatment is pretty characteristic of controllers/manipulators/emotional abusers who use passive aggressive tactics to abuse and manipulate. This type of behaviour is often dormant until the relationship is solidified and more difficult to get out of (eg. marriage). I would suggest you get a lawyer as well because your husband might try to play dirty.

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How old are you guys? He sounds like a 15 year old having a fit because he didn't get his way!

 

I agree with crazy dogs, your changing the locks if this place is under his name as well you can get in some trouble. You need an attorney now before he gets one first and screws ya over.

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I get the same treatment.I hate it and him for doing it.Sad to say but i think the reason it took awhile for me to notice him doing this is because my dad also done this to me growing up.Like when i did something that really pissed him off.I also get the silent treatment when he knows hes in the wrong and it lasts 2 to 3 days and we have a 3 yr old togeather.I get so mad then i lash out cause its like god would you grow up your almost 39 yrs old.

 

You can read my first post her on enotalone and this lady sparkle gave me good advice she told me he could have BPD [bipolar disorder] hate to say it but my dad also had or has that.She told me about gaslighting to google it and sure enough thats him also and how he paints me black to his family.You should take a look it really open my eyes.

This also led me to believe he had someone on the side cause he could so easily write me off is how i put it and could just do any damn thing he wants when he wants and i could just get the hell out-nice huh...I hope this helps you-sorry this is happening to you to.

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He is 34 i am 38, he displayed the silent treatments in the beginning of our relationship, and i broke up with him because of it. He won me back 2 months later with promises of never doing it again, he went to counselling and honeslty he never did do it much after that. So then we moved in together 4 months later and then married in August. We are/were madly in love and now that i look back we obvioulsy moved way too fast.

 

And as crazyaboutdogs pointed out, now that the relationship is solidified he is doing it all over again.

 

Another thing that has changed since August is all of a sudden he has this like it or lump it type attitude which he never had before.

 

I also recently found out he has 12,000 worth of credit card debt that he had hidden from me. I'm really scared at where his money is going, we make pretty good money between the two of us and we have low rent and basically no other bills). His boss even pays for his gas and his cell phone.

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Oh that isn't good. See you should check someones credit report first. My God, 12,000? I say you need a real damn good attorney so that does not become your problem. He is playing games and acting childish with the ignoring you thing, some people just don't change.

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Think thats bad my husband lost his job of 17 yrs and then it took him like 5 months i found him really good job which only lasted him for about 10 months.He got laid off to where hes been home w/ me and our 3 yr old for almost a yr now.Not finding no work and took up the habit of gambling!!!Hes family well to do and hes been

borrowed more than 30 grand.Bad thing of it is is he makes up lies and tells them different things each time like or electric gonna get turned off his truck needs fixed etc.Ive went to them for help telling them what he does and they turn it around on me.Where do you go from there eh!!!Here me and my daughter sit in the house daily and dont do nothing.Thats when i got curious to where he was really spending all his time.Ya hes gambling but hes also been seen by my neighbor talking to the bar tender which is a lady that is married.

We're suppose to be going to counseling also i hope it works but now seeing you guys went and it didnt work...UGH!

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That is terrible, ironic though, i caught my husband lying to me awhile back, i thought he was at work and it turns out he was at the casino, i flipped out, he did bar himself from the casino but maybe he is playing underground or something (poker) i just don't know, it scares me.

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$12,000 isn't that much unless it's all been gathered recently and you don't see evidence for it. I've easily racked up that much on car repairs, tuition / training, medical bills.

 

He sounds like my BF who is pretty controlling with the silent treatment. He knows if he pulls that crap on me again (we broke up earlier this year) that I am walking away forever. Came darned close earlier this week to doing it to me again, but I would not play the game. Now he's just sulking. And he's 51.

 

In my guy's case it ties directly to his mother, who has major issues (possibly BPD). I think she treated him pretty badly (no love), and he has learned to distance himself and be controlling to get what he wants. When he doesn't, it's either silent treatment, or making it all out to be my fault.

 

It's a real problem, so I empathize with you.

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