I have thoughts and dreams of starting again help!

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

Ok well I havnt SH for about half a year now... well i attempted but no marks about 2 weeks again but im not counting that... but i am dreaming about doing it again and having really strong thoughts about it i cant stop thinking about it... i know i will feel so let down if i do it again but i dont think i will beable to stop my self soon.

 

please help me

[Raistlin]

I'm so sorry that you have to experience this. I experience the same urges. Can you explain why you get the urges?

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

i cant explain them i mean i know i am going through depression and i have only just accepted that... my best mate cuts but im use to that, it doesnt bother me any more like it use to. but im dreaming about it which i never have done before and it is also like theres something telling me maybe i should, i would feel better if i did but at the same time i would be so upset with my self if i did... but im upset that i havnt and i dunno just really need to ... but my mate showed me her arm wednesday it didnt bother me at all like i sed im use to it but i did want to do it more than i did earlier that day if that makes any sense!

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

can anyone help me?

[Raistlin]

The right question to ask is: can you help yourself?

 

I can be here to support you, and I absolutely will. There's no person on this planet who should have to endure those trials alone, and I'm very happy that you're reaching out instead of committing yourself to injury.

 

Being sad doesn't mean you deserve to be punished, though. Most people on this planet are unhappy until they discover what they want to do with their lives - and make it happen.

 

I have been very unhappy for the past 9 years... and I'm only 21. It's taken me until now to admit that I need help.

 

Being used to the pain or seeing others do it should not be used as a catalyst. It should be seen that you've grown callous to something that is very dangerous. It's a very good idea to talk to someone you can trust about the things in life that are bothering you, and that you are having these urges.

 

Is there someone around you can trust to help you? Like a parent, aunt or uncle, or school counselor?

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

see i dont think i can help myself. i hate both my parents i can talk to my aunt that i trust coz shes just had a baby and the other one died i dont talk to my uncles like this and my collage dont know bout this all i a rather it stayed that way i went through hell wen i was at school and they found out i had to be with an adult all the time i couldnt even go to the toliet with out being acompained by an adult and i was disowned by all my mates expect my best friend who i have been friends with for 3 years but she sh .. she has loadz of problems im use to her doing it it doesnt bother me... shes a very ill person and is only 19 she get so much s*** in her life it is just unfair. but i can have any of that happening to me again im 17 collage was ment to be a new start but atm it dont look like it is going to be now.

[Raistlin]

College absolutely CAN be a new start. You have to put your best foot forward and take the first step, which is wanting to start over.

 

I'm very sorry to hear that you've had a rough past. It's never good to go through hell and back just to find out that life is still hard. Trust me, I've done it, and I'm currently doing it again.

 

I strongly suggest seeing a counselor to help you cope with some of the more immediate issues, such as hurting yourself. You CAN control those urges, but finding the root of them can lead to making them stop altogether. A counselor can also be used to help you weed out some smaller issues you may not realize are there and are contributing to the bigger issues.

 

If you can't trust anyone around you, such as friends or family, a school guidance counselor may be the best option for you.

 

Admittedly, it is very hard and very scary to come forth to someone in that position and ask for help. Honestly though, it is an option you should take, as they are there to support and guide you through the scary times in a young adults life, and help prepare you for tomorrow - without the problems of today.

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

im getting what you are saying about the school couciler i have a parsteral tutor which we talk to when we have problems at collage.. but i have a really good friendship with her i dont want her to think differently of me and also i just wouldnt know how or wat to say to her... i cant eva see a counciler again i hated it i cant stand them they made me worse wen i was in couciling i was worse then i eva was so it wont help x

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

i have gone the night which is good my im getting so wound up now grrrrr

[Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal]

right ok well i didnt last now it just all got to me ahhh im so mad at my self

[shin88f]

Sxc_Gobby_Lil_Gal!, thanks for posting, there are indeed a lot of people here who want to help you. I don't always know how to help, but if you want to get better then I will be available to help in whatever way I can. I would like to know more about your problems. What are your dreams like? specifically, what emotions are associated with your dreams? It sounds like you are thinking about cutting for the sake of cutting and not really in response to any specific stressor; is that right? Lastly, how does your friend feel about cutting? Does she think it is ok? I do not think it's good to have someone who will condone and reinforce that behavior.

[xtina]

You know that each time someone says to get help, you always have an excuse? And that you repeatedly said that your friend's selfharming doesn't bother you, even though no one asked that?

 

First of all, do you really want help? Cause if you do, it's easy, but if you don't then it will be very hard. Why did you stop cutting in the first place? I stoped cutting because I was in a vicious cycle and life around me was getting worst and worst, and I hated that feeling. I stoped from one day to the next because I wanted to be happy, and live a happy life. Sometimes, when I'm stressed out I feel like cutting again, but I don't. For me it is no option.

 

You have to be strong, and you have to look at the positive things in life. Please don't tell me there is nothing - that was what I used to say. Really look. Really observe what's around you. You have to focus on these little things in life that makes you happy, and this way you will be happy. It urges a great deal of work from you - so go to a councelor who can help you with that. And don't give me that "I hated it when I did". Guess what - so did I. I had homework: write 10 positive things that happened each day. It was dreadful, and she was ridiculous. What am I doing now? Going to a psychologist, and it helps a lot. If you really want to stop, then go seek one, because it helps.

 

Your excuses is your selfharm/depression talking. You can't get out of it by yourself, and friends are great, but not proffecional. These guys know what you need, know how you think, and know how to help. Just go to the damn councelor.

 

Sorry for being harsh on you, but in my opinion, from my experience, sometimes a big slap in the face is needed to wake up from those negative thoughts.

 

Good luck if you need anything - anything at ALL pm me, cause I'm always here.