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NC 4 days, still love her, gotten mixed advice


whattheeff
Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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Ive been NC for 4 days... she broke up with me and broke my heart. (our relationship was almost a year long) She said she still loved me and was attracted to me but basically did not like where our relationship was going. I dont want to lose her, and I think if I dont act fast it will be easier for her to move on because of the holidays (seriously, when did you not hook up with someone on new years?.)

 

I have gotten mixed advice from family friends and this forum, some say go after what you want, and then when a girl says she needs space... she really means come get her. Then I have been reading the forum and it bsically says the exact opposite. Im hurt and confused and just looking for some advice.

 

I couldnt bare the thought of her with another guy and I keep thinking that I need to try to straighten things out before her friends force her to go out, get wasted and then she sleeps with someone else for comfort.

 

help

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I would give her space. The more you "act" the more she will pull away. The desire to work things out has to be mutual, otherwise it is just you trying to pressure and/or manipulate her into changing her mind. Even though you're doing it because you love her and because you have the best intentions, it doesn't matter. The more you push, the more she'll pull away.

 

I'm not a woman so I can't say for certain, but I think when most women say they need space, they ACTUALLY MEAN IT. In fact, in my experience, most women are completely repulsed by a pushy guy. Besides, if breaking up with you is part of some game she is playing with you, you're better off without her IMHO.

 

Just try to relax, and giver her some space. If she loves you so much, she'll come to you. Easier said than done, BELIEVE ME.

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I keep hearing that philosophy but im starting to wonder if its BS. I mean, if I want something... Im going to at least go after it. I cant take this pain anymore, I must know if there is a chance. I cannot build up hope for a month only to find out its a no.

 

What do you think about LC, calling to speak for a few minutes and asking her to get coffee in about a week?

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You're trying to control the situation. This is a natural reaction, but you need to accept that you can't. You can't change the way that she feels. If she's going to hook up with someone else, there is nothing you can do. I know it sucks, but it is the truth.

 

Honestly, most people try to avoid telling their bf/gf that they are no longer in love with them or that they are no longer attracted to them, even when that is actually the case, because it makes them feel mean. I'm not saying that your gf did that, but you can't ignore the possibility.

 

I would wait until she contacts you. Just see what she does. There aren't any tricks, manuevers, or proven ways to get your ex back. The only way she can come back is if she wants to. My suggestion would be to take the attitude that YOU DON'T NEED HER. Being with her is ONLY A PREFERENCE. The reason I'm encouraging this is because it is the truth, plus you will appear much more confident if you are fine with things, regardless of the outcome. Confidence is attractive. Chasing, unfortunately, is not.

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well i broke the rules and... it worked. Im thankful for the support i received from this forum... but the NC put me through so much pain over the past 4 days that could have been avoided. I took the advice of the complete NC and unfriended my ex on FaceBook, after i called her she told me she tried to write me a letter on FB but then saw we werent even friends so she could not send it. Anyway, we set up a lunch date and she alluded to the fact that she had been crying and thinks she may have made the wrong decision.

 

I will say one thing, I do realize that we need time apart for us to change. I want to be a better person and I want her to treat me better. I am going to tell her that I understand our relationship is over... but I want to persue a new one... slowly. I want to take her out on a date, not rush things and see where it leads us. I WILL EMPHASIZE SLOWLY so we have time to grow and make changes.

 

I will post an update... thanks for the help.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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