Trying to Salvage a Potential Girlfriend

[Packa]

Hi guys - just found this forum, and I hope it isn't rude to start a thread venting/asking for advice.

 

My situation:

 

Basically I met this girl as a festival about 6 weeks ago. We kissed, exchanged numbers and had a real spark there.

 

Then we Facebooked, texted and when she came back from holiday the week after this initial meeting, we arranged to go out to a concert.

 

The concert date was a bit of a disaster - she was pretty drunk by the time I met her (I got there pretty late in the night unfortunately). The whole night was a disaster - but she messaged me late in the night with a big apology. I ignored this.

 

Then at like 3am she called apologising profusely - I was still really angry, but when she said she 'really hoped we could see each other again' I said 'ok'.

 

Since then, the thing has gone down the tubes.

 

I was the one after this sms'ing her, writing her emails and she only responded half the time.

 

Then she snubbed me for a bit.

 

Then last week she was responding - hard to tell her feeling toward me.

 

This week it was back to being snubbed.

 

My question is: I like this girl, and if I'm honest, I have been single for ~6 months (not willingly, but due to the fact that I'm reasonably introverted).

 

How do I salvage this? How do I get this back on track?

 

I know most people will say forget about it, but I'm hoping someone can give me some advice on fixing this (not that I have done anything wrong apart IMO).

 

Thanks guys. This is the kind of thing that friends aren't very helpful with because they know the situation too closely

[Crazyaboutdogs]

How can you fix this...well, you can hide all the booze from her and convince her to see a therapist for her behaviour problems. In other words, you can't fix this because these are her behaviour problems not yours. You can't fix someone else and you can't help them change bad behaviours. It sounds to me like you just want her because you are lonely and it seemed like she was interested. Look at her behaviour...she is not reliable and if she is already like this at the beginning it doesn't bode well for later on. She is blowing hot and cold with you and it is best to stay away from people like that if you want to protect your peace of mind.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Good for you for coming here for objective advice.

 

Me personally, showing up to a date drunk is an absolute dealbreaker. It shows she has no respect for you or the time you had planned together. I think she's very immature too for doing that. I wouldn't get too sucked into her apology either. Her behavior has already shown you something, and I think you'd be wise to remember it. Plus, if she was truly sorry about the negative impression she gave you, she wouldn't be giving you half-basked responses. I think it's reasonable to say she's pushing to see how much bad behavior you will tolerate. You tolerated her drunkenness already. You are willing to pursue after her half-baked efforts at communicating with you.

 

I understand how you feel exactly. I too have made the same mistake (and am maybe doing so right now), because I was lonely, could not find anyone else, etc, and it's so easy to go after someone because they show some interest when you have no other options available. I guarantee you if you had some decent girls in your court, you probably wouldn't be giving this girl a 2nd thought. I think what you need to do is see beyond the current situation, and realize with a bit of patience, you will find yourself with a person of stronger character and morals.

[Packa]

I don't want to come accross as a stone sober Ned Flanders in all this.

 

But I see your points.

 

More responses from as many people would be great.

 

Thanks guys. I sincerely mean that.

[cruzer]

You said u got there pretty late, she probably just started to have fun thinking u were not going to show. Ive went through the whole lack of interest thing and it happens and no matter how hard u dont want to see it, its there.

 

Anyways, all i can suggest is to try and start over. ask her out again and go from there. im not a drinker, and i dont want to date someone who does, however i would think she should have some respect and not get hammered while on a date, or even just hanging out with someone she is trying to get to know, and see if there could be a relationship.

[lostandhurt]

First of all Welcome to ENA!

 

Quit the texting and messages. Meet her in person and have lunch and talk. You hardly know her so you don't even know what is going on in her life. Set a time to meet somewhere or pick her up and have lunch. If she bails on you then walk away. You will have no regrets.

 

lost

[waveseer]

I agree, see her in person and do as little texting and calling as possible.

[confused25]

Why were you late to the date? Was she there by herself when she got drunk? Both of those things would turn me off on a date . . .

[Packa]

Why I was late - well the train was a little late and I walked from there because the bus wasn't coming. Then when I was in there we were trying to meet but it's hard to find someone in a packed club.

 

So we met when the first band finished.

 

She wasn't there by herself - she went with some friends, they left her and she was alone when we were going to meet.

 

As for the forget texting/messages - easy to say, but she is not great at answering her phone (even when this looked like a certainty in the beginning).

 

Suggestions on how I get around this?

[cruzer]

if she wont answer, all i can say is txt her and ask her to do something with u. something where u can get to know her a bit, to see how she really is and if there is something there.