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Can we keep up the pace in this LDR?


Jeaves

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We've been in this relationship about 4 months and he is the best thing to come around in a long time. He lives 160 miles away. I know that is nothing compared to most of you, but it is still hard to handle. It's like we can't date, it's all or nothing due to the distance and its frustrating. I mean, I can't call him up to go have a cup of coffee or to go to lunch. Again, all or nothing.

 

We were having so much fun together until it started getting more serious and we told the other how we feel (he told me he loved me & I have even met his family) and now its like we are both a bit stoic and not as free with each other. There are doubts in my mind (and I believe his too) about this r/s and I don't like it. I know that one of us will eventually get tired of the whole mess and just go our separate ways. I am feeling a bit insecure and that is not really like me, I find myself making comments to him that are not at all appropriate and the insecurities are really evident when he goes 'quiet' on me and distances himself. The sad thing is that I am a grown woman and still I don't know how to handle this.

 

I hate to give up all the fun we have when we are together, but I don't want to 'force' this to work. I/We shouldn't have to. Is insecurity normal in a LDR?

 

Can this survive.....I mean really? Please just give me an honest opinion as I don't want to waste my nor his time.

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I agree with you Ready, we would both have to work at it. It is really confusing as to continue or not....and Shika we see each other at different intervals. It might be 4-8 days in between and though that doesn't seem like a long time (and it isn't), I sometimes want someone who is closer to me. I don't need to be up someone's backside all the time, I like my down time, but it would be nice to be able to count on them being there if needed and me for them too.

 

I just don't know........are either of you dealing with this? Thanks for responding.

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yes, in a way... except I don't see him for even longer...

 

you are right, the more frustrations you have, one of us will just end up getting angry at each other over stupid petty things.

 

I think long distance relationships need to be treated differently than oneswhere you see each other all the time

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I hate to be a downer for you but go to the "Breakups" thread and look up my story "I"m so shocked and confused" twrtwn. Maybe you'll see some similarities. All I can say is I hope your relationship takes a different direction. Everyone is different but it is a hard thing. We only live about an hour away and I am very familiar with his area which is so ironic that he felt all along it was no big deal and now it's all the deal???? I am having a really bad day so I just hope yours goes better. Hang in there and give me some good news so I know it can be successful for some.

Take care of yourself and be careful.

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doubts are normal, unfortunately for me my gf seems to have them more than me lol.

 

try to talk for at least 1 hour per day and make the effort to send sms's and handwritten letters as well.

 

try and do something to take your mind of any worries you are having like work (what i do) and it makes the time until you get to see them again go much quicker.

 

i've been in a LDR for around 5 months now (similar to you) and its definetely not easy.

 

so long as you both know thers a chance you will be together it should be ok...

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Felix & Twr, thanks for the responses. Things are going better. He came into town for 4 days and we really enjoyed each other. He is a wonderful man who is so good for me. Everyone I introduce him to really seems to like him. I am just going to try and concentrate on the positive aspects of this r/s and see where it goes from there. I know it is a lot harder to build trust from this far.....but the r/s definitely won't survive without it.

 

TWR, I'm going to go look up your story and see whats going on with you.

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