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My story, some advice... I still love her


whattheeff
Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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Heres the situation...

 

Our year long relationship ended two days ago over the phone. I had been struggling with problems in our relationship so I wrote my girlfriend a letter and made a list of things that she was doing which did not make me feel good. After discussing the same things over and over and not seeing any changes, and having small fights from time to time she decided it she was not happy with our relationship and broke up with me. It had been clear we were over the "honeymoon" stage for a few months but we still had good times. We both work crazy hours and it had recently been tough to see each other or even find time to speak on the phone. We also live an hour apart. After having a rocky last few days I asked her to come see me and she said she didnt feel like it. I asked her if she wanted to break up and she paused, cried and said she did... and that she needed a break. I asked her to see me and not end our long relationship over the phone and she said no. I asked her if she still loved me and she said yes, I asked her if she was still attracted to me and she said yes... she was just over our relationship. I then told her I needed to at least see her to talk about this and get some closure and she said no... so I hung up on her.

 

After some heartache and consideration over the past few days I have decided I still love her way too much to let her go. I know I should give her some space and take some personal time to think things through... but it is painful without her. Also... the holidays, new year and my birthday are coming up this month. I want to of course spend this time with her... and also could not bare to think about her with someone else on new years.

 

Any advice would be great.

 

Thank You

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Yes... For months I was working way too much and sometimes ignored calls from my girlfriend and did not show enough appreciation. After I realized I had been screwing things up... I did a 180. The problem was that once I changed, she started doing the things I used to... not calling me... not making me feel special etc.

 

In either case I really do love this girl.

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In the past all I would have to do is call her and tell her I love her and tell her that I would drive an hour to see her. Because I was so caught up with my career, this was sometimes out of the norm so she would be happy. Making her feel special has failed lately, and im afraid she has become indifferent towards what we had.

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About 2 weeks ago we had an argument and she was upset with me. She works at an airport and the only way in is with a ticket. I paid 200 bucks for a plain ticket and surprised her to smooth things over for a few minutes. Ive done things like this in the past, show up with ice cream, a gift and a letter.

 

The problem is... now that we are not together... I am wondering how long I should take before I initiate contact to tell her how I still feel.

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Only for a few days at a time, we would always meet up and work things out... argue for a little, possibly cry, kiss hold eachother and Bam everything would be fine.

 

It is much different this time because I know that she still may love me, but I like she said... she is "over the relationship."

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A week should be plenty. A humble apology goes a long way. Tell her what you want and then leave her alone to make her decision. Let her come to you when she's ready.

 

Ive seen on the forum that anything less than 30 days of no contact is a mistake... do you think I should wait a little longer?

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Ive seen on the forum that anything less than 30 days of no contact is a mistake... do you think I should wait a little longer?

 

If you want to. Personally, I feel if the person's tolerance was tested already leaving them alone to wonder why you don't care enough to contact them doesn't really help your case.

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I think one of the problems is that you keep doing the same thing over and over again...take her for granted, get caught up in your own life and don't put yourself out for her...then when she has had enough and it escalates into a fight you pull out all the stops and make grand gestures to smooth things over. Over time that gets kind of old when the same issues keep resurfacing. So the question is, what will you actually do differently this time if you contact her. How will you actually change your behaviour if she does come back to you. It is not enough to make a grand gesture of love...you have to continually follow through and work at the relationship. In other words, if you reconcile you have to be serious about fixing the behaviours which keep driving you apart....grand gestures just don't cut it if the behaviours don't change.

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