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Getting Into Trouble?


tacotac

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I am fairly new here, so I will try to get out all the details here about my relationship. It is a bit questionable sometimes I think, but over all I am happy with my relationship.

 

Where do I start... about me, this is my second relationship I've ever been in. Almost 8 months now. My first one lasted 6 months. They guy I was with was a very good friend of my nephews. We met when he started to work at my place and after awhile we started dating. He was a good guy, but he was very dramatic for a male. A lot of times he would abuse me verbally. He would put me down, and many times made me literally sick to my stomach. After family and friends suggested many times that maybe our relationship wasn't a good thing, and I had enough of being hurt, I broke it off. The bad side of me during this time. I was younger, 18, I had a low self esteem. Before I met my guy I was seeing an older man who was married and I look back at it now regretting it. While in my relationship, the guy I was with didn't even want to be around me half the time. I did the horrible and went to "see" the older friend of mine who was married. Here I cheated on my first boyfriend, and also with a man who was cheating on his wife. I can't believe I had turned into one of them After I broke up with my first boyfriend, I was still good friends with my married friend, I never did anything with him after that, somehow the guilt was getting to me. I didn't want to be this kind of person anymore. Also it seemed he was a totally different person after that. Not a friend anymore. More like an annoyance, and kept trying to get me to come over again. He has passed away since then from heart surgery complications a couple years ago.

 

I am more of a quiet person. I get along well with everyone. I just have had a hard time finding relationships. Since the one I have had now, I have been single for the past 6 years. I am a bit picky I will admit. I want to know and be friends with someone first. I also want someone I feel comfortable with. Someone with similar interests, since I haven't found many. Hopefully someone with values. I have had guys want to date me within that time period, just not interested in any of them for many of the above reasons and what else. I kinda gave up thinking I wasn't going to find anyone. I also have a hard time trusting anyone. This includes family as well.

 

Fast forward to now. I've known my current boyfriend since the spring of 2007, we met in class in college. Immediately I felt welcome around him. He was a fun person to be around. We became good friends. I didn't have many "close" friends, the type to hang out with, but I considered him one, as I enjoyed his company and he was always fun to be around. He is quirky and goofy, as well as a bit eccentric at times. He was someone I would call to hang out and do things with, since he was available and happy to do so. Most other people never had the time, or I didn't seem to connect with them very well. I felt comfortable around him and always had a good conversation.

Around the beginning of this year we spent more time hanging out and he even started inviting me to do things. I was used to hanging out by myself at school and he would hunt me down, even if I tried to hide from him, which I found annoying. Remember, I have shut myself out to thinking that there could be anyone interested in me. I figured he just wanted to be friends and I didn't want to think of it as anything more. I seemed to notice him hinting to me at times and even started opening up to me more about stuff and his life. He wanted to have a job and a house and a wife someday. He had a pretty messed up child hood. His dad didn't want kids, his mom did. His dad got into an accident and was pretty much disabled. He went out and slashed his mom's tires so she wouldn't leave him. They moved out into this area. He said he didn't want to be the person his dad is. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I was excited.

 

He said his past life consisted when he was a child being manipulated by a couple younger girls (older than him of course) manipulating him to have sex with them. He is more of a passive person. He said he had a low self esteem most of his life. He went with a girl in high school who seemed to be one of the first girls to show interest in him. She was overweight and not very attractive. She was also what you consider one who had "made the rounds". He was advised not to go with her, but he was a rebel and did anyways, and found out later she smoked, and didn't want to have anything to do with that and broke up with her. He met another girl who asked him out, at first he said no because he said it seemed more of a rebound thing since she broke up with someone not long before. After that he came back and said he would. They have been together for around 2-3 years. She was also considered unattractive, and I have met her and not to be mean, like a trainwreck. In some instances I felt a little offended that if these are the types that he dates, what am I considered?? She is a very nice person. He didn't seem to be too interested in her most of the time, said she was always over at his place and was very clingy and obsessive. She was always depressed all the time that put a damper on him. She would call him every day, several times a day, and she was going no where in - in debt, no car, doing poorly in college. What happened next, he started to get involved in the "furry" community if any of you are familiar. Here he was coaxed into his first experience with gay sex. He said went he went on a trip to this convention he felt so relieved to be away from his girlfriend, no phone and didn't have to hear from her. He ended up cheating on her with a guy. He came back and felt horrible about it, tried to break up with his girlfriend because the relationship just wasn't good. She wouldn't break up with him. They did eventually break up, but she got over emotional and what not so they went back together again. He really wasn't happy being in the relationship. He did eventually break up and later on admitted he had been with more then 2 guys after that relationship, more like several. O.O I was shocked. Even more so after I started going with this guy. He stated this whole time he had a low self esteem and what not, thought he wasn't good enough for anyone, even considered dating a guy. He called this time "finding himself". He considered/considers himself bi. He considers himself a good person with good values (really?). He wanted to find a decent girl very badly to hopefully settle down someday and marry. He since met another girl he liked a lot and wanted to date her, but found out she was using him for sex and crushed him greatly emotionally after he found out about it and she actually started to date his roommate instead.

 

He liked me a lot and even more so about half a year or more before asking me out, but he considered me way out of his league. He considers me perfect and good looking compared to what he has ever been with. He strongly believed I would say no, and in fact I was the only girl that he had ever asked out. He always had girls be the one asking him out. He always looked up to me as an influence because I am hard working and smart, get good grades, a bit more independent and self sufficient. Basically what he has ever wanted in a girl, his dream come true that he has a hard time believing is a reality. At the beginning I was very iffy, but he is very positive of settling down with me someday, and says why would he be in a relationship with me if he didn't plan to hopefully spend the rest of his life with me. He is totally monogamous he states. He does not wish to do anything to jeopardize our relationship as he does not want to loose me.

 

As a person he is a bit immature and eccentric at times. He seems to only care about the ones he loves and are close to him, which are not many. He doesn't have many friends, as in he rarely talks on the phone with anyone, except his ex that calls him, but she calls everyone including me...she just likes to talk. No one else really calls him. He does not smoke, and he is more of a social drinker, not too big into it. He has only had summer jobs. He is graduating before me in a couple weeks and will be moving back home and will be looking for something. He hopes to find somewhere near where I live so that he can get an apartment and wants me to live with him.

 

Here is the thing. I worry a lot, maybe even too much. Maybe this has to do with my past experiences, or just me as a person. Maybe it is from his past experiences. I am also very distrustful of people and I told him that. It will take a long time to gain trust in him. He said he hopes to help me build that up. He is still friends with his ex, and I am friends with her too. Sometimes he sees her as a pest though. She is with someone as well and is in love with him. As far as his gay friends, he considers that experimenting in his past, and says that he doesn't wish to really think about it anymore. He says it like it had bothered him what he did, but yet he jokes around about stuff relating to it at times like it wasn't that much of a big deal. He says he won't ever be alone with those that he doesn't trust being around so there isn't any sort of temptation. I am afraid of him cheating on me just form my past experiences with men, and the fact that he cheated on his past girlfriend, even tho the relationship was bad between them. I think that is really the only thing that bothers me in this relationship. Is this just my paranoia or irrational fear, or do I actually have something to worry about. I can tell I seem to be very important to him in this relationship. He compliments me, overall makes me feel what no one else has ever have. He spends a lot of time with me, and seems to never get tired of my presense. He also ravishes me with love and is not afraid to say it or show it, even 8 months later. Simply put, he really seems to care. I just hope his past is just that, his past. Does this relationship look to be a good one, or am I just in this for trouble, ie the wrong kind of man to be going with?? Do you think he is for real? Am I just worrying like crazy? I should just relax. If I am gonna get hurt it is just gonna happen and no matter what I do I won't be able to stay away from it. I just need reassurance. Sorry all about the massive post of doom!

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A person's past history shapes them into who they are today.Without those experiences (good and bad) they wouldn't be in the place they are. If you like this person for who he is then it shouldn't matter what he did. If anything he is being very honest with you about everything. It shows he trusts you enough to tell you these things.

 

Enjoy what you have. Appreciate the relationship for what it is. You can make this complicated or enjoy it in it's simplicity.

 

Good luck and remember love is a journey not a destination!!!

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Thanks for the comments! I am always willing to give someone a second chance, hence I am still with him. We all make our mistakes, hopefully we learn from them and not continue to mess up. I know from my past it is over and I choose not to do the dumb things I did. I know it wasn't right. I have a good thing right now, I hope. I will do my effort to keep it good and strong.

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Happy 1st Month to my GladysJane :)
Happy 1st Month to my GladysJane :)

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