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I got a message back from a girl Im interested in, how good is it? What's my next move?

AloneinTexas

By AloneinTexas
in Dating Advice

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AloneinTexas Contributor

AloneinTexas

Posted
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About a year ago, I had a friend email a girl on my behalf since my email was being funky. At any rate, I thought she was very cute and looked to be single. She emailed back saying she was dating someone but we could "all hang out sometime."

 

I forgot about her until now.

 

Today I wrote this to her:

 

Hey!

 

Awhile back (probably close to 9 months ago) a friend of mine by the name **** ***** had sent you a Facebook message on my behalf asking if you were interested in doing something. I do not recall specific details of what she wrote or even what your reply back was. At the time, my FB account was acting funny. The point of all this is simply I find you to be very cute and would like to entertain bowling or something. I have no idea what your reaction to all this is/what your status is/ or if you think I am some internet creeper haha. I ran Track/XC for *** **** from 00-05 and still am around ***** every so often. Look forward to your response.

 

Sam

 

P.S. If you like Dane Cook, here is a great video that we can all relate to.

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She wrote back literally 2 hours later ( I was shocked )

 

Hey there,

 

I do recall a message earlier this year. It's a small world I tell you. I haven't dated anyone in a long time, haven't really wanted to just enjoying/ trying to finish school! But I would more than likely be up for bowling/coffee or something. Not sure why but I decided to take 8 classes this semester?? Lol. So Christmas break would be a good time if that works. Have a good one, talk to you soon.

 

Christie

 

P.S. This is a funny clip from Cook, Ive seen it before he is a funny man

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Seems like she's up for something. How good should I read into this? And whats my next move? How long to "play it cool"?

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Timebandit Contributor

Timebandit

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Seems like she's up for something.

 

How good should I read into this?

Make no assumptions. Of course beyond that she is ready to go on a date.

 

And whats my next move? How long to "play it cool"?

Answer her when you feel like. Remember, you are cool. You are not playing cool, right ;-)

 

I would however that suggest you are the assertive one making the arrangements and stuff.

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AloneinTexas Contributor

AloneinTexas

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wrote to her and asked her if after december 17th would work for her (since m taking a small solo trip somewhere) and this is what i got back

 

Hey,

 

Yes, it is a small world. Actually the 8 classes haven't been to bad, I've gotten the time management down pretty well and really really appreciate the weekends. Plus I am a pretty laid back gal so I don't get stressed easliy...(although next week may be a tad different!!) I usually do 15 hours a semester as well buuuuuut....that got me behind as well so I am cramming in my 5th year in hopes to graduate in May 09. Sounds like you're off to a fun roadtrip, enjoy it. Hey I saw you're friends with ********How do you know her? She's a really good friend of mine I ran CC and went to High School with her. Anyways, have a good night.

 

Christie

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I replied back something of similar length and at the end said lood luck on finals. i didnt ask again about anything regarding us meeting up, so not sure how i should squeeze that in there again so she responds. of i can just be more assertive and ask if a specific day works (maybe thats what she is looking for)

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AloneinTexas Contributor

AloneinTexas

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I do not have her phone number. She replied to me today something short, after asking about how I knew one of her mutual friends:

 

Hey (again)

 

 

Thats so crazy you knew her- I am telling you it's IS a small world! Anyhow have a good weekend and don't study to hard? Just Kidding!

 

Christie

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I am thinking of going no contact until I get back from my trip in 2 weeks, and asking her if she would like to go out for bowling/coffee. I find it weird she mentioned she would be up for it over break sometime, then when I made a date (after Dec 17 asking if it were good for her) she said nothing of it.

 

Ugh I hate this stupid stuff, I wish it were easier. I guess the only plus I see is that we did write each other 3 times yesterday, so not really playing it cool with one another.

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AloneinTexas Contributor

AloneinTexas

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Here are all the emails back and forth, maybe someone can help me

 

Hey!

 

Awhile back (probably close to 9 months ago) a friend of mine by the name **** **** had sent you a ******** message on my behalf asking if you were interested in doing something. I do not recall specific details of what she wrote or even what your reply back was. At the time, my FB account was acting funny. The point of all this is simply I find you to be very cute and would like to entertain bowling or something. I have no idea what your reaction to all this is/what your status is/ or if you think I am some internet creeper haha. I ran Track/XC for **** *****from 00-05 and still am around **** every so often. Look forward to your response.

 

James

 

P.S. If you like Dane Cook, here is a great video that we can all relate to.

 

link removed

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Hey there,

 

I do recall a message earlier this year. It's a small world I tell you. I haven't dated anyone in a long time, haven't really wanted to just enjoying/ trying to finish school! But I would more than likely be up for bowling/coffee or something. Not sure why but I decided to take 8 classes this semester?? Lol. So Christmas break would be a good time if that works. Have a good one, talk to you soon.

 

Megan

 

P.S. This is a funny clip from Cook, Ive seen it before he is a funny man

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Hey there again,

 

Glad you remembered that msg, and yes I agree its a small world! So Christmas break sounds great to me. I live up in ***** so its pretty close by to ****.

8 classes??? What's your major? PhD in the electrical engineering with a focus on thermocouplers? haha jk. But sheesh! That sounds like a nightmare! I can imagine you probably live off of Starbucks if I had to guess. I usually did the standard 15 hours and found that to be alot!

I am going to be taking a solo trip to VA and MD to visit some college teamates from Sunday until the following Wednesday the next week (17th.) Will anytime after that work for you (barring Christmas eve/day of course.)

 

James

 

Here's another vid for some comic relief amongst your studies. Hopefully you haven't seen it yet!

 

link removed

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Hey,

 

Yes, it is a small world. Actually the 8 classes haven't been to bad, I've gotten the time management down pretty well and really really appreciate the weekends. Plus I am a pretty laid back gal so I don't get stressed easliy...(although next week may be a tad different!!) I usually do 15 hours a semester as well buuuuuut....that got me behind as well so I am cramming in my 5th year in hopes to graduate in May 09. Sounds like you're off to a fun roadtrip, enjoy it. Hey I saw you're friends with **** ****? How do you know her? She's a really good friend of mine I ran CC and went to High School with her. Anyways, have a good night.

 

Megan

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Hey again,

 

Well im glad to hear you have your wits-about-you to handle such a daunting task as 8 classes! Im pretty laid back myself, sometimes too laid back.

**** ****? I knew of her in high school since she was pretty fast. West branch would show up at some of our meets and maybe conference at **** *****(not sure though.) I never talked to her back then however. I got set up on a date with her last year by her coach whom I race (although he is 35 now). We dated last year for a while around this time until she put the kebosh on it because the distance (4 hours to **** ****) was too much for her.

Good luck in finals week, knock em dead!

 

James

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Hey (again)

 

 

Thats so crazy you knew her- I am telling you it's IS a small world! Anyhow have a good weekend and don't study to hard? Just Kidding!

 

Megan

 

 

 

So where did I go wrong? Or am I still okay on this?

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riley123 Apprentice

riley123

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You didn't give her a specific date -- you only told her when you would be traveling.

 

Why don't you write her back when you have a specific plan and date in mind? For example,

 

Hey, so how is December 19 for you? I was thinking we could go bowling and then grab a drink? You'll def need one after I you witness my otherworldly bowling skills. Sound good? Let me know, or if it's easier, just call my cell, XXX-XXX-XXXX.

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riley123 Apprentice

riley123

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Well, it's December 4 and you’re trying to set up plans for a couple weeks from now, right?

 

There's no harm in taking a few days between messages. Plus, she was the last one to send you something, so you pretty much just responding to that.

 

Were all these messages sent yesterday?

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AloneinTexas Contributor

AloneinTexas

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Yes the plan would be hopefully in 2 weeks.

 

and all our messages were sent in one day, she sent 3, i sent 3.

 

i guess the ball is in my court for how i make a success out of this

though maybe i should take the hint she said she hasnt dated anyone in a while and doesnt want to (from her 1st email?)

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riley123 Apprentice

riley123

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She also said "But I would more than likely be up for bowling/coffee or something." Plus she's repsonded to all of your messages very quickly.

 

Don't count yourself out from the get go!

 

Just her the variation of the message I wrote on Sunday. I would also try to get her phone number. Give her yours and see if she sends hers, if she doesn’t then just come right out and ask for it.

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MattW Community Regular

MattW

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Huh. Yanno, I'm currently in a similar situation, in a way. See, there's this old classmate of mine I had a thing for back in school, and I recently got back in touch with her earlier this year via MySpace. I still have some leftover feelings for her that I never really got over, so I'm very interested in trying to get something going (and I figure, even if her and I aren't compatible as we seem to be on MySpace, maybe I'd at least have an easier time getting over her once and for all if I saw that in person). We wrote back and forth a bit over the summer, but I had to stop myself from saying anything too "heavy", because she had a boyfriend, at the time. I did lightly hint about her and I seeing each other in person again, and she seemed to be perfectly fine with the idea.

 

Well, when summer was ending, she and her boyfriend split up. On one hand, it seemed like my golden opportunity (see, she goes to a school that's a little far away; not too far to be unmanageable, but far enough that it would've been easier to get something going during the summer, while she was home), but on the other, it was not so good of timing... Eventually, I panicked, and, with the urging of a couple ENA users, I bit the bullet and sent her a message about meeting up some time before summer ends. She just... never wrote back. A few weeks later (after she had returned to school) I stupidly sent her another message just saying "hi! how u doin? havent heard from ya in a little while", and again, no response. Seems a little fishy; I know for a fact she got both messages, but I don't understand why she would be fine with the idea of seeing me again one minute, then get scared off when I actually bring up the idea? Granted, my timing was pretty terrible...

 

Anyway, I dunno. I'm still hanging on to some hope that something can still come of my situation. I haven't written her since those last two messages (it's been a couple of months, now), and I just don't know what to do to "fix" this, yanno?

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AloneinTexas Contributor

AloneinTexas

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a friend wrote this to me, sounds kinda depressing:

 

But I'm surprised by how much this girl responded to you. In your first message you came out and said you were attracted to her when you've never met her before. Very few girls would respond if a guy sent them that. She either thinks you're attractive too or is very very polite. Her response saying, "I haven't dated anyone in a long time, haven't really wanted to just enjoying/ trying to finish school! But I would more than likely be up for bowling/coffee or something" would normally be seen as a "let's just be friends" thing, but you have to realize that you came on very direct in the beginning. Even if she found you attractive, I don't think she would say to a guy she's never met over facebook, "Yeah I'd totally be up for that!"

 

I do think that this isn't going anywhere, though. You need to realize how hard it is to do over facebook. I'm sure she finds you interesting and safe enough to message you back, maybe even attractive, but not enough to actually see you in person and make something real out of it. That's usually how this turns out.

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MattW Community Regular

MattW

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I guess... I just hoped that, since there was already that familiarity thing there (with her and I being former classmates), it wouldn't be so odd, yanno? Like, I could see it being weird to be asked out by a total stranger you met online, but she knew me for a good seven or eight years, when we were kids. Although, to be honest, I wasn't as direct with my messages to her as you were; again, I had to tone it down a bit because of her previously having a boyfriend, and even when I finally did ask her about meeting up, I didn't make it sound like a date at all. I dunno, though. To me, it doesn't seem like she's totally put off by me, just that I made a nasty little mistake, at a bad time, at that, and set myself back a bit.

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Timebandit Contributor

Timebandit

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AloneInTexas and MattW:

 

If I may be totally honest with you...

 

I am by no means an expert when it comes to women....but I think that both of you are way to pre-occupied by something that is just a minor opportunity for meeting or dating a woman. And you can try as much as you like to play hard to get as you want (i.e. waiting to contact her etc.) but the self always shines through.

 

Neediness in men kills all attraction with women - at least in the healthy women worth dating. Playing hard to get may get you a step further - but it will not solve the problem.

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MattW Community Regular

MattW

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AloneInTexas and MattW:

 

If I may be totally honest with you...

 

I am by no means an expert when it comes to women....but I think that both of you are way to pre-occupied by something that is just a minor opportunity for meeting or dating a woman.

 

Heh, yeah, I've heard that before, that I'm putting all my energy into pursuing one girl, when I should be "playing the numbers game" and trying to maximize the number of possible girls in my dating pool. Thing is, and this really only applies to me and not the OP, there's a bit more back story to me and this girl, but for me to go into it would be a whole other topic, really. So, to me, this isn't necessarily about just dating this girl, but getting closure to a big part of my life that I just, well, never actually got closure on. Back then, when we were still kids, I just never felt like I got the "closure" I needed with her, and right now, that's why I'm so dead set on seeing where I can get this to go, yanno? Whatever that "ending" is, whether it's her and me actually getting together, or her and me being incompatible, THAT is what I'm after.

 

And you can try as much as you like to play hard to get as you want (i.e. waiting to contact her etc.) but the self always shines through.

 

Neediness in men kills all attraction with women - at least in the healthy women worth dating. Playing hard to get may get you a step further - but it will not solve the problem.

 

I guess that's a good point, but then I can't help but wonder, how does one not come off as "needy" on the Internet? Admittedly, the "part two" to the message I sent to the girl I'm interested in probably made me look kinda bad, but is there no way to bounce back from that? I haven't written her since then (about 2-3 months, now). If I give it some time, would I be able to try again some day? And if so, again, it goes back to my original question, how do you not come off as "needy" via the Internet? Yanno, just in case I DO get another chance, I want to know what mistakes not to make.

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AloneinTexas Contributor

AloneinTexas

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Riley, I wrote to her exactly what you wrote me. I had my doubts as to if I would even hear back, but I did , this is what she said

 

That sounds good to me..I haven't bowled in years so it should be a funny scene! Have a good one

 

 

 

 

How do I proceed from here? Ask for her number? Or wait a week or so before the BIG DAY before asking her for it? Or continue to message her?

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