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My gf keeps old gifts from her ex and doesnt see anything wrong with it


tron123

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ive been with my gf for a lil while now and things been goin good and getting more serious. then all of a sudden she tells me she keeps notes and gifts from her ex and ask if theres anything wrong with it. i said, "yea! and that she should get rid of it!" she says she will get rid of the notes but she dont want to give up the gifts. She thinks im overreacting, insecure, and she doesnt see anything wrong.

 

the worst part is i told her i woulda said she could keep it anyway after i cooled down, cause i care about her and want her to be happy. but the fact that she was like, no! im not getting rid of it, all stubbornly is what made me the most upset. combined with the fact that she wouldnt even look at things from my point of view and consider getting rid of it. this is making me rethink our whole relationship and im considering breaking it off. the only problem is i never felt away about a girl the way i felt sbout her. So am i overeacting or is she being selfish?

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I've kept stuff my Xwife gave me because its a part of my past. Now if your g/f kept all that stuff about and was emotional over it all the time, then I think there would be a problem. Meaning if she was reading the notes all the time and it was obvious she was still clinging to the past, then there might be an issue. But if she just HAS the stuff in a box somewhere I don't see an issue.

 

Hate to say it but it seems you're a bit jealous and/or controlling. It's her past and she can't change it. Sometimes those presents represent good memories who helped make her the girl you're with. Forcing her to get rid of the stuff when she doesn't want to (and shouldn't) is only going to make her resent you.

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This ties in exactly with the post i just made on another thread about how to get an ex back.

 

This is VERY disrespectful and i would not want to be in a relationship wiht a person who is encouraging an ex like this.

 

No you are not controlling to want this to stop.

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the gifts are things like purses, necklaces, shoes, and jeans that she still uses. but like i said, its not really the gifts thats bothering me, its that she doesnt see anything wrong and wouldnt even consider gettin rid of it. if she woulda asked me to get rid of something, i wouldnt want to, but i would say ok because i want to make her happy. but she didnt think like that, she was just like no!

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i appreciate all of ya'll responses but im still wondering why she wouldnt even consider gettin rid of them. would any of ya'll had at least consider not keeping certain items even if you would later be like, "nah, i like this gift too much."

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i appreciate all of ya'll responses but im still wondering why she wouldnt even consider gettin rid of them. would any of ya'll had at least consider not keeping certain items even if you would later be like, "nah, i like this gift too much."

 

I would not even have accepted them Tron. It would be disrespectful to my current partner. By her accepting them she is given this ex a leg back into her life.

 

I find it amusing that you are said to be controlling for not liking this. It is not controlling to want respect out of your partner.

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I still have things like that. I'm not going to throw away a perfectly good purse I like just because an ex bought it for me. Things like that to me just aren't that personal of a gift, and if I still like, I'm going to use it. The jewelry is a different story though, those I get rid of.

 

Are these new gifts that keep coiming in your new relationship? Or gifts from the past? Gifts from the past are fine. A partner should not be concerned with what you got prior ... but if the gifts keep coming while he is in your life they should not even be accepted. It gives the ex false hope and disrespects your partner.

 

it's all about feeding one's ego IMO.

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i appreciate all of ya'll responses but im still wondering why she wouldnt even consider gettin rid of them. would any of ya'll had at least consider not keeping certain items even if you would later be like, "nah, i like this gift too much."

 

Maybe we could answer more accurately if you told us what the things were. And she told you she would get rid of the notes if you want. I think that shows you it's not the sentimental value she is after. Right?

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Are these new gifts that keep coiming in your new relationship? Or gifts from the past? Gifts from the past are fine. A partner should not be concerned with what you got prior ... but if the gifts keep coming while he is in your life they should not even be accepted. It gives the ex false hope and disrespects your partner.

 

it's all about feeding one's ego IMO.

 

Ohhhh my bad, I had to re-read the OP. I thought he meant she was keeping old gifts from a past relationship. No, I don't think she should accept new gifts or notes from an ex either. That's completely disrespectful. Why is she leading on her ex like that?

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the gifts are things like purses, necklaces, shoes, and jeans that she still uses. but like i said, its not really the gifts thats bothering me, its that she doesnt see anything wrong and wouldnt even consider gettin rid of it. if she woulda asked me to get rid of something, i wouldnt want to, but i would say ok because i want to make her happy. but she didnt think like that, she was just like no!

 

 

heck no, would I get rid of those types of gifts!! lol

 

 

and I wouldn't get rid of sentimental notes, pictures, etc either....but I keep stuff like that. I have letters I wrote back in high school that were simply about innocent crushes that I refuse to get rid of...hehe

 

I keep alot of stuff from my past though (unfortunately, most of have been destroyed by Hurrican Katrina ) ; anywhere from old report cards, birthday cards, letters from students, notes, pictures, journals, etc....

 

I don't break them out often, but sometimes I like to stumble upon them and just remember the good ol' days....and no man could convince me to get rid of them. I've never had a guy worry about that to begin with though...

 

 

It's old stuff from the past, so why are you threatened by it?

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Maybe we could answer more accurately if you told us what the things were. And she told you she would get rid of the notes if you want. I think that shows you it's not the sentimental value she is after. Right?

 

No offense but no, i don't think it shows that at all. NOtes can be copied. She might discard the original for him, but she can surely keep them if she wanted by making a copy.

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heck no, would I get rid of those types of gifts!! lol

 

 

and I wouldn't get rid of sentimental notes, pictures, etc either....but I keep stuff like that. I have letters I wrote back in high school that were simply about innocent crushes that I refuse to get rid of...hehe

 

I keep alot of stuff from my past though (unfortunately, most of have been destroyed by Hurrican Katrina ) ; anywhere from old report cards, birthday cards, letters from students, notes, pictures, journals, etc....

 

I don't break them out often, but sometimes I like to stumble upon them and just remember the good ol' days....and no man could convince me to get rid of them. I've never had a guy worry about that to begin with though...

 

 

It's old stuff from the past, so why are you threatened by it?

 

NO the OP said these are NEW gifts!

 

I agree, old gifts are fine.

 

I read the OP again and he stated she is continuing to get gifts and notes. This is very inappropriate.

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Ohhhh my bad, I had to re-read the OP. I thought he meant she was keeping old gifts from a past relationship. No, I don't think she should accept new gifts or notes from an ex either. That's completely disrespectful. Why is she leading on her ex like that?

 

 

I think they're old gifts....at least that's the impression I got from the OP.

 

 

I wouldn't accept the gifts if they were attempted to be given to me while in a relationship. That's a whole different ballgame there....

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Sounds to controlling to me.

 

My ex gave me a nice watch...I wear the watch. I wear it because I like it and never really think where I got it. I don't feel the need to tell the girl I'm seeing where I got it, but if she asked, I'd tell her. If she told me to get rid of it I'd tell her to buy me a better watch.

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