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Was i the rebound guy or is he? :(


PJPaul

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1st off i'd like say hello and im very thankful for finding this site.

 

(sorry guys it got long)

 

Im just gonna get right into it from the beginning. When I meet my most recent ex (we'll call her Katie.) I was in a really * * * * ty relationship with another gurl (we'll call her Karen) Basically i feel as Karen used the L word (love) to get me to "help" her and basically when i ran outta money she moved on. At the same time Katie was in a bad relationship with this guy and he treated her like crap. super controlling he hit her he cheated on her got other gurls pregnant just all kinds of bad stuff. Me and Katie kinda helped each other out in our break ups. I broke up with Karen early Nov. of 07 and she broke up with her guy and few weeks before i did. Now around this time Katie made it clear that she liked me and wanted to be with me. I wanted no part in a relationship! I was hurt and i just wanted to be single and i just figured she liked me cuz i was nice and she'd get over it. Well 4 months go by and she is still trying to get me. She's telling me that she'll show me what tru love is and that she'll treat me right and make me happy. Its March and she still hasn't given up so i figure hell, I never had a gurl chase me this hard in my life she must truly want me!

 

We where together officially March 9th 2008, I asked her would like to be my girl (yes all formal i like being a gentlemen) and she of course said yes. Now in our relationship we had our problems but everyone does and i was truly happy with her and she seemed sooo happy, She was the best GF i ever had and from learning about her past I was the best BF she ever had. She had trust issues and would constantly accuse me of cheating. I loved her so i would put up with it. I would go outta my way to make it be known where i was and where i was going. if she asked where i was i'd take a picture and be like im here. She went behind my back a snopped around my phone and my myspace but i was willing. I love her and im in this for her to better her and to make her happy. She also had self esteem problems. and was insecure just always had things she did like about her and she'll go threw these elaborate methods of make up and stuffing her bra and i would tell her all the time "Katie ur beautiful just the way u are" When she was ready for bed and she had no make-up on and were her natural cup size she was so gorgeous in my eyes. but for some reason her always had a problem with me. I always need changing or i was always doing something wrong. but i love her so i put up with it and knew she'll get better in my arms.

 

Well college semester was starting up in sept. and she was so upset. she would only get to see me 2 times a week. yes it made me sad to but i know i had alot of love for her so we where working it out. Halloween came and we went to haunted houses and corn mazes and Go-Karting. U know things she never did b4 and she seemed so happy. Then in Nov outta no where she just would always be annoyed by my presense. I didnt get it. Then finally on our 8 month anniversary i woke up and text her "HAPPY 8 MONTHS BABY!!!" I got nothing....nothing all day. then next day (Nov. 10th) she said a few words but mostly ignored me. I went to her job went she got off so that i could talk to her. She wouldnt even look me in the eye. and she started to tell that i always she her and that i smoother her. HUH?! when school started u she was sad she would only see me twice a week. she said she needed space and that she didnt know what she wanted and wanted to break up. I was hurt, i thought she wanted me? but i love her i told her take her time and i'll be here when she's ready to come back.

 

It seemed like as soon as she got home she deleted all our pics together on myspace and deleted me as a friend on Facebook entirely. I just figured this is her way and accepted it...cuz i love her. It was awkward at first but i made due. I would only text her a few times a day and almost never saw her at most once a week and that was just running into her and we just acted like friends. well on day (Novmber 28th) im at work and my co-workers were staring at me. I few took me to the back to tell me that she has had a new BF since the 17th!!! My heart broke all the weridness i got from her being nasty to me and being super secretive all made since. she deleted me from facebook but didnt delete my friends. they say her activity and assumed she'd tell me she had a new man. she never did and i had to her it from everyone else. I called her and she just starts goin on about how i never changed and she told me time after and i dont listen and how this guy has been there for her since the 10th grade and BLAH BLAH BLAH. just finding bs excuses. Why is she making it out like i did her wrong i gave her my all and se was so happy!!! I put up wit so much and now she just acts like im this horrible guy.

 

And the guy she is with now i thought she was mad at. While were together he'd called once and asked could he * * * * her. and another time her lied i told her he saw me with Karen and its all messed up.

 

I lost my love and i dont know why or what i did wrong. She said she'd show me tru love......its this is? I just dont understand now talking to her just hurts so i dont. it makes no sense a little over a month ago she was the happiest i've ever seen her. im so confused

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It sounds to me like you let her walk all over you. She is a very insecure woman and you allowed her to treat you like dirt. You will get nowhere asking how she could do this to you..chances are she did this to her previous boyfriend and then came running after you...I bet, true to form, she went running after this new guy...he will likely fall victim to the same treatment from her. What you need to ask yourself is why did you allow her to treat you like a doormat. Loving someone does not mean you have to accept bad behaviour from them. First and foremost you have to love yourself..and loving yourself means setting healthy boundaries so that someone doesn't walk all over you. So learn some lessons from this experience, realize that this woman is deeply troubled and not good relationship material...and vow that next time you won't let someone walk all over you.

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She sounds like what's know as a dance-away lover. They dance with you while you're not equally interested in them, but once they have you hooked the dance isn't a challenge anymore. So they dance away.

 

This isn't typical of most people, but it's common enough to gain the name.

 

I wouldn't count on getting her back. Sure, she might reappear if you get involved in another relationship--dancers only return for the challenge of getting you away from someone else.

 

Or worse, she might convince you she's back for good only to stage a relationship with you to make someone more challenging jealous.

 

If you ever did land her back it would be the same dance all over again. Best to see her as someone who's just not relationship material, and move forward.

 

In your corner.

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So basically i was used again. she is insane/unstable (just like her abusive bipolar mother)

 

she will always be this way? Maybe her ex's never hit her and maybe she is telling all that I abused her? This new guy is gonna fall for her and once she has him she wont want him and he'll be in the same boat as me?

 

I'll never understand love....... wow just......wow

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so instead of being used for money i was used for my emotions? I was used for my kindness? and again i was told I was loved so that she could get what she wants?

 

Unfortunately there are some people out there who use others. Put this behind you and count yourself lucky that things ended rather than continuing on as they were. You had a lucky escape from her.

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its weird just going back and reading the love notes and all the intricate things she drew and made for me. Its just hard to believe that she never had feelings for me. Idk its just why would got outta ur way if ur faking it? U guys serious need to read some of these. its just hard to accept

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Yeah i guess. I had a bad night last night. couldnt sleep and couldnt help but feeling that i wasnt good enough. then wen i feel asleep i had a dream about the gurl used me for money. Its just all the things she said, all the things she did was just nothing to her. Im nothing to her now But its funny that u talk about the whole fantasy and fairy tale thing. She did this preconceived notion of what she thought the perfect relationship would be like and she'd be disappointed when i couldn't live up to that fairy tale. She wanted promise rings and romance 24/7 and im in school i cant do that. In the summer i could and thats when it seemed she loved me the most. Its just hard to believe that a human being can be like that. I just dont understand. everyone tells me how im such a great guy, she even told me im an amazing guy yet i get thrown to curb when i become boring. I put my heart n soul into my relationships.....idk maybe my heart n soul isnt as great as people think. and i dont get why she's going about this like i did something wrong. She says things like "I gave u chance after chance" she gave me a chance to do what? I dont get it

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Take comfort in the fact that most people suffer their fair share of breakups before finding the right person--it's rarely the first or even third person we believe we love.

 

Also consider that while being left feels awful, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Such beliefs only block you from understanding that this person didn't own the capacity to 'see' in you what the right woman will. That doesn't make her horrible, it just makes her deficient in what YOU need to enjoy your match.

 

Flip the tables and stop making her out to be better than you. We're all just equal human animals, and nobody knows how to do this love thing better than the next person. It's not about your skill all by itself, it's about the chemistry--and that misleads everybody while shaking out all the wrong ones until the right one blows the past away.

 

In your corner.

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Gosh. I want to hit her so bad at the moment.

 

I'm glad NC is helping, it nearly always does. She's a pretty messed up girl and I guess being a nice guy you attract that type. Don't worry about it though, no act of self sacrifice ever goes unrewarded in this world. You'll find a really good girl and then you'll know what love is

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Gosh. I want to hit her so bad at the moment.

 

I'm glad NC is helping, it nearly always does. She's a pretty messed up girl and I guess being a nice guy you attract that type. Don't worry about it though, no act of self sacrifice ever goes unrewarded in this world. You'll find a really good girl and then you'll know what love is

 

im keeping my head up and as u can tell im felling pretty damn good today

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Unfortunately people like her dont see what the person that they wrong goes through. Their only concern is themselves and attaining their selfish goals. Fortunately, you're doing well in moving on. Next time try not to allow someone who is insecure to get away with making you feel badly or as if you have to conceed to their bad behavior.

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Last night a dreamt about her so this morning a felt pretty crappy. She text me around 10-ish "I know i was told not to text you. But thank you for my key" She said nothing about how i gave her two keys back. I wore this necklace that had a key on it for most of the relationship (Key to her heart) realized that i never had heart and really didnt know what key she was referring to when she asked for her key back so i just gave her that and her house key. I didnt respond to the text either. IDK if that starts over my NC if it doesnt them im on day 3. Today in physics class i was pretty distracted so i didnt feel bad at all. Hope i can feel at least as good as i did yesterday. I hate the roller coaster crap. and in all honesty i want to be mad at her but for some reason i cant. Thru all of this bull * * * * i still want the best for her. Is that strange? It makes me feel silly. Some times i think i forgive to easily. But dont get me wrong i still would never consider taking her back, but Lord only knows how bad i want to. Maybe one day she'll realize i was a good man and did my absolute best to make her happy and loved. Maybe one day she'll realize how much I sacrificed for her. Maybe one day i'll get over the fact that she wasn't the one for me. Until then i guess i just gotta take it one day at a time.

Thank for sitting thru this long post and have an amazing Thursday everyone

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Yeah im beginning to think she was a bad choice for a gf. She has no idea what she wants and goes off what she "think" she wants. Ehh maybe couples years down the line maybe i'll run into her again. until then its me myself and I.............and sexual frustration lol

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