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Should I work on it, or should I walk out and move on?


Jgregoire108

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Heya everyone, been reading everyone's forums, and have to say it has helped.

 

Quick background: Me and my GF broke up on Nov. 3rd, she ended it. Its been a rough couple of weeks, as we live together, and dont have the financial means for me to move out, or for her to support the place alone. The first week was me pleading for her back. 2nd week was me determined to get out and forget her, but then I was able to calm down to realize some things, with alot of help from friends and family providing feedback.

 

As well, I used this time to re-organize my life, work on getting my credit and finances in order, reconnect with friends, exercise and change diet, and I am losing weight, as well as enroll in school, which I always neglected, but wanted. As well, with the advice with friends, I had to let go and leave her be. It was tough though. During that time, she went from angry and hurt, to more angry and hurt, to slowly being friendly with me, to the point now a few days ago she made a blog on her myspace that states the following:

 

" After he gave me a few days to actually think, it took a while to calm down for I was very angry inside. I want to stay around and see him change into the better man that I always hoped he would.

 

I love him very much, but anger can make you lash out and become defensive and not let you think clearly. With him hounding me everyday didnt help at all either. Thanks to some people he finally realized that was the wrong thing to do. His jealousy ended up making him look like the idiot and a lil embarrasing to me as well.

 

He got some good advice from some wonderful people, also some bad advice which I will not say. They obviously dont know me very well and just expect the worse out of me.

 

I'd hate to sound like a princess here but hes got to prove himself to me now. He says he wants to change his ways and ive seen him already make a few. However, I will not be fooled again. Before we get back into a relationship I just want to make sure.

 

When he gave my space, I got really sad and missed him terribly. I know I love him and want to share my life with him. I no longer want to be his mom I want to be his girlfriend.

 

I know he loves me and I know he acted out when we first broke up because he didnt want to hurt like he has before. But he then realized how much he had hurt me.

 

The only way is up from here for I will not fall back into the kind of relationship we had before. We are going to start off slowly and fall back in love with each other like it was the first time."

 

That was 4 days ago. Since then, we have been even more friendly, and we have been a little flirty a bit. We have even made plans for us to spend the holidays with her parents and family.

 

But we are still not quite close or intimate as before, which I still miss alot. So far, she sleeps in the bed still, and I on the couch. Its like she is hesitating, which I dont mind, but I still dont want to push her, or be a dog on a leash. I want to show her how much I care alot for her, yet not get into that dependency of needing her, like I feel myself doing still from time to time.

 

Any advice?

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Renting. Lease wont be up until August of next year. Plus my bad credit history kinda prevents me from getting a place on my own as well.

 

Other note is that she is leaving for the Army in Feburary, going into the Army Reserves, will be gone 5 months, and then back here for the next 2 years, as her reserve station is in the city we live.

 

Even when she was angry and hurt, and I was pushing, one of the things I was pushing for was a straight answer from her, either Yes or No, and it was always "I dont know". So during that second week when I decided to move out, she didnt want that, nor did she want a clean break, as she felt she didnt want to make a mistake breaking up with me.

 

Its like she is hurt, but she still wants me, and is swinging.. though its been closer to back to the relationship

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I'd hate to sound like a princess here but hes got to prove himself to me now.

Yuck. She does sound exactly like a princess.

 

If I were you I would move on. She seems way too judgmental and 'proving' yourself would put any relationship seriously out of balance.

 

It takes two people to put a relationship back together - not just one proving themselves.

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It sounds like you are doing the right thing giving her space. If you had a track record of broken promises and not following through then it will take more than a couple weeks to prove to both of you that you are making lasting positive changes. But its not all on you, if her natural tenancy is to 'take care' of you, then she is the one holding you down just as much as you are disappointing her.

 

It sounds like you both really love each other and I would wait until she gets back from the basic training to make the final decision. If after 5 months completely on your own you both still love each other and want to be together then you know its something special and you can both work to make sure the old unhealthy habits don't resurface.

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It sounds like you are doing the right thing giving her space. If you had a track record of broken promises and not following through then it will take more than a couple weeks to prove to both of you that you are making lasting positive changes. But its not all on you, if her natural tenancy is to 'take care' of you, then she is the one holding you down just as much as you are disappointing her.

 

It sounds like you both really love each other and I would wait until she gets back from the basic training to make the final decision. If after 5 months completely on your own you both still love each other and want to be together then you know its something special and you can both work to make sure the old unhealthy habits don't resurface.

 

Aye, that is the decision I made for myself. I have hope, but I am also in a way bracing for the reality.

 

A little bit more about the history of us: Since we moved into this place recently, it took me pretty far from my friends (They live north of the city, we moved down south). I ended up just going to work, coming home, and vegging out in front of the computer till bed. I was depressed and upset at where my life was going.

 

And this break up happened a few weeks after she kinda had a breakdown. She moved away from her family and friends in another state to come here to me, and she misses them terribly. Before the break, she was upset about her college loan (as she was not able to go back to school), and about her life, which caused her to join the Army Reserves (which was a sudden decision, in about a week, she went from not ever hearing about the army, to now signed up and ready to go)

 

So I can see where she may have freaked, as we really were not spending time together at all, and called the break.

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Actually, these past few days have been getting even better.

 

We had a bit of a power outage, so spent an evening with no power, until it got turned back on in the morning, so that was cool =)

 

As well, due to the power outage, she twice brought me lunch at work in the evenings and hung out a bit, which has been pretty good.

 

I sent her a text later thanking her for lunch, and she replied back with "heh, you look good" as I have been losing weight.

 

Its getting better each day

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