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I am better than i've ever been in getting over him, and i think its because its the first time that i am actually trying to (well, to the extent that i can try to anyway) get over it.

I've passed the very raw stages where everything makes me cry. I'm over that part of it now. Once in a while I do shed some tears, usually dependant on my hormones I get a little emotional when something flashes into my mind, but generally i just tend to live my life, just simply LIVE MY LIFE and everything runs happily and smoothly. I have wonderful friends and I'm studying a wonderful degree. I am happy and I have many happy days.

 

BUT... I know, deep down at the very pit of my heart, I know that there is a great sadness and anxiety. I know why we broke up. It was my fault. I was the trigger of his anger and I know that he thinks everything is my fault and we had a very very very messy 'i can't tolerate you so get out of my life' type of break up, whereby i was crying and he was fuming (and shed some tears afterwards as well). I tried so hard for closure, everything got messy. Then i just decided to leave it for a while and followed everyones advice to just simply give up on closure. So i did. And my life has come along smoothly. But my stomach still churns when he crosses my mind. After 2 months of NC (maybe a little less), I called him, out of the blue to invite his parents to my aunts play. He didn't pick up the phone. This alarmed me somewhat because I thought to myself, ah, it is sad that he is still afraid to talk to me after so long. Anyway, I left him a very light hearted casual voice message. Within 5 minutes he sent me a text saying: "Thanks for the offer. They have other plans tonight. hope you enjoy it."

 

Now, I was perfectly happy with this at the time. In fact, I still don't have any complaints with his RESPONSE. But it was more so the fact that he didn't pick up the phone, before he knew what i was even going to say. As my thoughts trailed off today, I began wondering, Will we Ever Be Friends Again? Does he have any idea that I loved him, how much he meant/means to me? A couple of months ago, the last I heard with regards to this issue, he had said that Due to all the pain I caused I must have never loved him at all (which was devasting to hear after 2 years of an intensely strong relationship).

 

But we were literally, literally, each other's soul mates. I'm not exagerrating or formulating my own ideas. We both acknowledged thousands of times that we were soul mates. After and before the break up, through all the drama that's how we survived all our fights. We were best friends for a year before dating and that's why the greatest sadness overcomes me when i think about things right now. When i think about things like "What if things will never be ok between us ever again". I wish i could talk to him, just as friends, but the fact that he couldn't even answer his phone to talk to me after ALL that time got me thinking. I don't know what to do. I still feel lost, I still feel in the dark. Everything still pervades my mind with questions and pangs in my stomach. The fact that i know he suffered from all this too is so hard to take in. I want to make things okay between us, but i dont know how, i dont know how at all, it seems impossible. And its driving me mad. Of course one could say 'carry on as you were, live your life as you were' which is perfectly fine and is probably what I'll be forced to end up doing, but all I do but doing so is just simply cover the problems rather than solve it.

 

I just want to know, is there any other way? What do I do now? Shall I email him a message? Shall I try calling him again in several weeks/months time? Does he genuinely hate me now? Have I turned him against me?

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Hey pearl,

 

I think it may be best to leave him alone and try to stop obsessively figuring him out. Moving on, in the end, is not about him, but about you. I seriously doubt that he hates you. And even if he thinks he hates you (suppose that I know that he thinks that), I think this would be the kind of hate that is near that thin line there is between love and hate. I don't know what happened that made him so angry that the relationship had to end, but I am sure that he would wish things had gone otherwise just as you do.

 

That being said, I think you should really stop contacting him. It's raw, very painful and seemingly impossible to let go of that special person that you feel is your soulmate. But contacting him when things are still so fresh is most likely not going to help you. I don't know if there is a special deep reason behind him not picking up the phone. Have you considered the possibility he was simply in a situation where he couldn't take the phone? I mean that could be as simple as being in the toilet at that moment, or in class, at a work meeting, talking to a friend, ... Don't take it so personal.

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thank you arwen, i appreciate your advice a lot.

 

to be honest i think its just hormones (this time of month) getting to me. I get so confused by my emotions...how one day everything can seem so wonderful and up in the sky, and then how another i can be unveiled and reminded of bitter truths...i'm pretty sure that he didn't pick up on purpose, because he responded to me so soon after i left a message. And he usually always always answers his phone (it was midday on a saturday). I'm almost sure it was personal. but i think as every one else keeps saying time is a healer...? maybe? Several months later i'll try calling him and see how he reacts.....whether he picks up...or not...i wish i knew how my memory is placed in his mind. It drives me mad thinking about it - but all i can say to myself is, well, don't think about it then.

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hormones sure weren't invented to make things easier, I know!

 

When you say he always answers his phone, do you mean that you also called him another time when you were already broken up? I mean he may really want NC now too, and if that's the reason for not picking up I think that would be a good reason that you shouldn't feel bad about. It doesn't mean he's hating you. It means he feels that it's better for you two to be not in contact anymore. That's not the same thing. I know it sucks. I hope you feel better soon.

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