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So, this is why you don't break NC.


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Guys, I shouldn't have done it. She broke NC, and although I told myself I wouldn't have responded to her, I did respond last night.

 

The result was a flurry of emails back and forth, and now, I feel terrible. I was doing pretty decently. I should have never responded.

 

She said some things that made sense, but also reopened some past hurts. Worst of all, when I got into the things she said that made me feel hurt, she just repeated herself by brushing off my feelings again. She's so damn cold in the way she does it too. It was just a "I'm sorry, but I just don't agree. I just see it differently than you." Again, there was no acknowledgement whatsoever of how I felt, nothing. It was just I don't agree with you - that's it!

 

I could sit here and type a summary of how I felt, but I've done it 1000 times. It seems like alot of people on ena don't seem to understand how I feel either. Sometimes, I think I'm just oversensitive and a weirdo or something.

 

The one thing that she said that helped was her saying that she blocked me not because of me, but because she knew if I tried to get her back, she would come back to me 10x, but didn't think it was good for either of us. That KILLED me.

 

She went onto say that she was crazy about me, and that she never felt this way about anybody before. She thanked me for showing her that she could feel so strongly about someone, but that I could have never given her the stable relationship that she was looking for. Although she was with her ex for 6 years, she was saying in just 3 months, she never felt the way she did about me, and that she was crazy about me. She said she never felt that way about a guy before, and thanked me for showing her that, and that she needed to find someone else who could make her feel that way again. I could have cried when I read that. All the while, I felt the exact same. With her talking about her ex so much, saying the weird things that she was mean and takes advantage of people, I thought the same about her. I was crazy about her too, but I feared that I was just her rebound guy or some guy she was just going to toy around with considering the way she talked. To me, it just came accross as 1000 mixed messages.

 

Makes me wonder if maybe I just screwed this all up, and maybe I will screw up every relationship, because I'm over sensitive. I just couldn't handle her insensitivity. She herself would tell me she was insensitive to other exes, and one time she even told me that her friend told her that she sometimes acts insensitive and acts like she doesn't care about people. Knowing all of this, it's like, WHY doesn't she get it already???

 

 

 

I found it funny. Again, toward the end of the conversation, she asked me not to email her again, and said she would change her email address again if I made her. WELL, she was the one who mailed me first. It's like again - it's all my fault. She was clearly upset when I called her out on her bad behavior, but what do you expect when you email someone just a few weeks after a breakup. It was like she expected me to act like everything is ok, but I can't do that so soon.

 

I can't just swap "I'm thinking about you" emails and pretend I'm happy when I'm feeling so hurt just weeks after a breakup. I don't know what the heck she expects from me.

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Wait a minute...how many times are you two going to go through a break up talk..how many times is she going to tug at your heartstrings and then slam you down. Yes, you should have stayed in no contact. What she said this time around is no different from all the other times...she is just re-hashing old news...for what purpose...sounds to me like she wanted to create more drama. This woman is a drama queen and you should no longer be responding to her flagrant attempts at re-stirring the pot.

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Wait a minute...how many times are you two going to go through a break up talk..how many times is she going to tug at your heartstrings and then slam you down. Yes, you should have stayed in no contact. What she said this time around is no different from all the other times...she is just re-hashing old news...for what purpose...sounds to me like she wanted to create more drama. This woman is a drama queen and you should no longer be responding to her flagrant attempts at re-stirring the pot.

 

CAD, I don't know what's going on with her, but the break-up talk was my fault.

 

What happened was - we stopped talking about 3 weeks ago, and then this past Saturday, she sends me an email basically saying I'm thinking about you and hoping you are doing ok.

 

I was furious, to say the least. Yes, it was a nice email from her, but three weeks ago, she was treating me horribly, so this sudden nice email really bothered me. I don't know what she was looking for. It all really upset me, so I fired back at her rehashing the relationship issues. I wanted to remind her that I had not forgotten about the way she treated me, and I wasn't about to start swapping pleasant emails with her.

 

That's how this turned into a back and forth email war about the breakup. Like I was saying, I got even more upset when I wrote her this long email about how she hurt me, and the only thing she could say was "I just don't agree with you." Fine, she doesn't agree, but it just shows me she still doesn't get it and still doesn't care about my feelings.

 

The problem for me now is not so much her, but all of my self doubt.

 

I feel like it was wrong for me to get upset about her talking abotu an ex so much. I feel like it was wrong of me to get upset when she said she's mean and takes advantage of people. She did a very good job of driving into my head that I'm too sensitive and insecure.

 

At my core, I know these are things you should not say around people you are dating. I could not let go of them. I stayed with her, because she was so sweet at times, and I tried to overlook her statements. But, more bad behavior from her + my past didn't allow me to hang on for very long. It was just mad mixed signals for me.

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Agree with COD and I think it's telling that both of you chose e-mail - if you truly wanted to work things out with minimal to no drama you would agree to meet in person in public (to focus on talking not fooling around) or at the very least on the phone. The flurry of emails let's you hide behind the computer and raise the drama in my opinion.

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Agree with COD and I think it's telling that both of you chose e-mail - if you truly wanted to work things out with minimal to no drama you would agree to meet in person in public (to focus on talking not fooling around) or at the very least on the phone. The flurry of emails let's you hide behind the computer and raise the drama in my opinion.

 

Well, she chose to email, not me. I was keeping my mouth shut until I heard from her. But yeah, I chose to right back.

 

You are right though Batya and CAD. If she really cared about me and is "crazy" about me as she says, she would not be writing me an email about it and then slamming my feelings when I tell her.

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The problem is you are allowing her accusations get to you so that you are doubting your perceptions. That is what manipulators and drama queens/kings do to take the focus off of them. By continuing to engage in this every time she stirs the pot you give her the drama she craves. Ignore her...she is manipulating you for a reaction.

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The problem is you are allowing her accusations get to you so that you are doubting your perceptions. That is what manipulators and drama queens/kings do to take the focus off of them. By continuing to engage in this every time she stirs the pot you give her the drama she craves. Ignore her...she is manipulating you for a reaction.

 

you are right, CAD. This is so SICK, man.

 

and you know what, I've already started talkign to a few nice girls. Why am I even bothering with her? I might even turn into her - dragging her past relationship drama into something else. UGH.

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What To Do About Break Up Guilt
What To Do About Break Up Guilt

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