Advice needed please help

[dturner]

Hello,

 

I really need some advice if someone can help me.

 

Basically me and my girlfriend have been going out for 12 months. She was with someone else before for 6 years. It wasn’t working out between them so she broke it off and then some time after we started seeing each other.

For the first 10 month he texted / called / begged her to go back to him.

 

Basically he would not leave her alone. It is a real obsession for him. Then it stopped for the last 2 months which we were both glad about.

 

The thing is, my girlfriend is going on a night out with her best friend and because they share the same friends the Ex had decided to go too. There off to a club so they will all be getting off their heads.

 

I don’t like the idea of my girlfriend been hassled all night when he’s out with them. I can’t go because when me and my girlfriend got together some of her friends took a dislike to me because she left him for me.

 

It makes me feel uncomfortable knowing I can’t do anything. I mean who would like there girlfriend going out when there ex is there hassling them all night.

 

I can’t just sit and watch. But I can’t just say, “don’t go” because I don’t want to come accross as insecure. Then again, I can’t just say… oh have a good night…

 

I totally 100% trust her but I just don’t like the idea of this.

 

Am I wrong to think like this?

 

How should I play this?

[PsychGirly]

You have a right to feel this way. Whether you trust her or not, I can see why you feel uneasy about it.

 

I can't really say much about this, because if I were in her shoes, I'd make an entirely different decision.

 

1) I'd never keep my ex-bf around and let him 'bother' me for 10 months while I was in a relationship with someone else.

2) I wouldn't care if the friends "disliked" you. If I loved you, I would take you with me regardless.

3) You apparently were very understanding of her ex-bf being in her life for the first 10 months of your relationship, so she should've respected you enough to at least invite you along, or say something like, "If you don't feel comfortable, I don't have to go babe".

 

That's just my opinion. However, if you trust her 100%, & you don't think anything would happen, then there's not really anything to worry about (except maybe whether she respects you just as much as you respect her).

 

Not trying to pollute your mind with extra thoughts, just some things you should consider...

[dturner]

This is it. She has been looking forward to this for ages. The event doesn't happen for another 3 weeks although it's the fact that I feel like I can't go.

 

Like you said, if it was me. I would take her regardless of what people thought, especially after been going out 7 months.

 

Don't get me wrong, I don't need to be with her 24 7. In fact I like it when we do separate stuff.

 

I just have a problem with not being able to go, especially when her ex will be there hassling her and can't do anything about it.

[PsychGirly]

I think you should have a short talk with her, & just be like, "You know I trust you, and you know I want you to have fun, but it just really bothers me to know that he's gonna be there hassling you, & I won't be there to do anything about it..."

 

You can't really expect anything to change unless you talk to her about it. Don't make it an argument. Just simply tell her what's on your mind. If she loves you, she'll understand & try to ease your mind, or maybe even suggest that you come along.

 

I'm not sure what else to say, because like I said, if I were her, I would say, "I'm invited to this event, & I know that you don't really get along with the people who are gonna be there, but I'd love for you to be with me." I'd leave the decision up to you...especially if I knew my ex would be there.

[dturner]

Thanks for the response.

 

Yes iv already said to her, listen, I know you have been looking forward to this so am not going to tell you not to go.

 

Trust is not an issue but I don't like the fact that he's going to be there and I can't do anything about it.

 

The thing is, it's only one guy who has a problem with me. And he has never met me. It's just he was pissed off with my girlfriend for leaving his friend.

 

That's the only reason I wasn't invited. She was going to sort it out with him at the event so I thought ok, il let her do that and will go next time.

 

But now the ex will be there as well, it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

It's like you say, am pissed off because I just want her to say... yes it doesn't matter, come if you want.

[PsychGirly]

So what if the guy has a problem with you? What's it to him? She's a grown woman who's capable of making her own decisions. She didn't wanna be with her ex, so she left him & got with him. Who the heck is he to say anything?

 

Sorry, but something is just fishy here. Again, I don't wanna throw negative thoughts at you, but I just don't see what the big problem would be if you were to go.

[dturner]

I know, and this is what I have thought.

 

What is it to him? Nothing what’s so ever?

 

I just thought I would let her sort it out her own way but now the ex is turning up too it's too much.

 

Am going to have to say look, the way you have handled this is all wrong. It should matter about that guy not liking the situation at all! I mean what has it got to do with him???

 

I will tell you **** all!

 

If she had asked me in the first place I would have just its ok, you just go. But the ex is going too... am not the sort of guy to just sit around while my girlfriend is getting hit on... 100% trust or not!

[PsychGirly]

Yea. Again, don't approach her in an argumentative manner, because most likely, nothing will change.

 

Just let her know how you feel, & stand your ground. Just because you trust someone 100%, doesn't mean you should let them walk all over you. I think you have a right to express your feelings, & if you're not feeling comfortable about this situation, you have a right to let it be known.