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A new Era of Dating


xxNPxx
In some countries, many more people...
In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past

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I was doing a little thinking and started to notice somethings I haven't noticed before. The more I think about it the more I understand why there are more pickup artist, high divorce rate, and a large amount of guys that seem to be celibate due to bad luck. I think that we are truly in a new era of dating.

 

Has anybody spoken to their grandparents lately?

Or even their parents?

 

Ask your mother/grandmother and father/grandfather what they were looking for in a woman before they met and compare it with what's going on today. Online profiles of many women accross multiple sites convey a similar message: just want to have fun, hang out, party with friends.

 

I don't know if anyone else has noticed it too. This is sort of a big leap of thinking for me, but a friend of mine offered a solution to the problem. The solution would return men's pay to what it was so that they could support a family, allow more fair dating, and more woman willing to marry.

 

So who's with me in taking it back to the 1900's where we treat women as second class citizens again?

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The guys who are celibate are usually so because they have the bad luck of having the wrong mindset. As far as PUA go, they always existed and people are presuming it is always just about sex. And as far as the divorce rate goes, oh well, sucks but not as much as being in an arranged marriage with the wrong partner.

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I understand 200%.

 

The world is a screwed up place these days.

 

Luck has nothing to do with it.

 

Men and women aren't equals. For as much as people want to say we're the same, WE'RE NOT. WE'RE DIFFERENT!!!

 

We as people (men and women) both have different roles to play. We're even biologically built to perform different tasks.

 

I'm not saying women are beneath men, and I'm not saying men take a back seat to women (although that seems the case nowadays). I'm saying things were the way they were for a reason. It seems like there was more order...more happiness from listening to my grandparents.

 

I hate dating and I've given up completely! I probably won't have grandkids to tell how much growing up in the 90s and 2000s sucked.

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Maybe its in your approach... I personally am offended that you suggest treating women like second class citizens... maybe its just me, but that could be why you're not getting any.

 

My approach doesn't work well but if I readjust my thinking to treat women like their lower then me it could have a seriously positive effect on my pick up skills.

 

If a believe I'm better then women I become:

-More confident

-Less agreable

-More forward

-Less apt to answer questions as either yes or no

-More likely to "neg" a girl

 

all of the above would be a more helpful tool in the dating arena even if society doesn't believe so. I was offended too, but it seems to be the only sound way to approach dating at the moment.

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I understand 200%.

 

The world is a screwed up place these days.

 

Luck has nothing to do with it.

 

Men and women aren't equals. For as much as people want to say we're the same, WE'RE NOT. WE'RE DIFFERENT!!!

 

We (men and women) both have different roles to play. We're even biologically built to perform different tasks.

 

I'm not saying women are beneath men, and I'm not saying men take a back seat to women (although that seems the case nowadays). I'm saying things were the way they were for a reason. It seems like there was more order...more happiness from listening to my grandparents.

 

I hate dating and I've given up completely! I probably won't have grandkids to tell how much growing up in the 90s and 2000s sucked.

 

I totally agree, why was dating so easy for our grandparents and marriage rates so high? Because the women knew their place.

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lol...I'm probably going to take a lot of heat on that last post of mine, but for example, how many girls here have to ask out guys? How many girls have to go out of their way to hit on guys at the bars? How many girls pick up the entire check on the first date? How many girls are expected to make the first move on a date?

 

I'm sure there are some girls out there that do this, but according to all the dating advice I read, girls aren't supposed to. All this courting is the guy's responsibility.

 

So there, according to these dating manuals, girls and guys have many different roles to play.

 

I'm just playing around with this post btw...not taking it too seriously. Just for laughs :splat:

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Carrie, how can you take a post like this seriously, like "women are meant to be seen, not heard" lol!

 

There are some valid points about the differences in generations though.

 

We're much smarter, I think...at least technology-wise. Of course, they're more virtuious with patience, and stuff like that. We're instant gratification.

 

It seems like we're all for a night out a clubbing, making out with random people, maybe get a few one nighters here and there, and hope the right one comes along by doing things this way.

 

Our grandparents were more like, the guy takes the girl out to a big band dance, date for a while, then get married asap.

 

I think if we were able to get a healthy mix of both we'd be alright. But too much of our generation and too much of theirs...well, neither way seems very fun taken to both extremes.

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I totally agree, why was dating so easy for our grandparents and marriage rates so high? Because the women knew their place.

 

Because people lived in loveless hopeless marriages, because you where highly looked down on if you where ever divorced, if it was even allowed. And women wouldn't be able to support themselves in any way of they didn't have a husband.

 

This is really backwards and it really surprises me that there are men out there that think this way. It doesn’t surprise me that if you do you might have a hard time finding a girlfriend.

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You had me a little bit there at the beginning with your theory of electronic detachment in the modern age in relation to dating... then you went and messed it all up with some pseudo-sexist malarky!

 

Anyway, you bring up some interesting points in the beginning. We are conditioned to want to be "cool" and "laid back" when it comes to dating, and we're similarly conditioned to kind of mock or demonize those that can't throw out the airs of polite detachment when it comes to their sexuality.

 

So, we have all these women claiming to "just want to have fun" when in many cases they just want to say that they "just want to have fun" because they don't want to appear clingy, or needy, or pathetic, or desperate, or any of a number of adjectives that they would love to forever disassociate themselves from.

 

But really, the vast majority of us (including the men) would love a committed, trusting partner. Most of us just aren't willing to be vulnerable and trusting enough, nor risk enough of our ego to find one that works.

 

And it's also true that it is waaaaay too easy to give up and try another avenue when a social connection isn't working immediately. We have online, so anyone and everyone is so utterly replaceable. All these little flickering, impermanent connections, so many perhaps, that we lose sight of the more serious lasting ones in the debris.

 

"Hey... I have 250 Facebook friends! Four guys asked me out! Two people at my work think I'm hot!" Or, "I just go 3 women's phone numbers last night, and I have two more dates later this week... I'm on a roll!"

 

But where do most of these "connections" lead anyone? There is such thing as too much of a good thing. If I hadn't eaten ice-cream in 6 months, the idea of a scoop of chocolate would seem to be an other-worldly opportunity for me. But hey, I live accross the street from a Ben & Jerry's, and I'm literally a nickel's throw from Chocolate Fudge Brownie (literally). It's just not a big deal.

 

When everything is so available, so varried, so prevelent, then it tends to lose its sanctity, it's specialness. It's not that there's "no one out there worth dating", but rather, "there are waaaaay too many people out there worth dating." So many, that would lose site of what it means to make something that lasts.

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The reason everything sucks is the line of thinking we are being fed through the media and Hollywood, that nothing is acceptable unless famous people are doing it, eating it, wearing it, or screwing it. last week i hear about alot of fem stars putting stripper poles in their bedrooms for their men.. what kind of message does that send to an 11 y/o girl? or anyone for that matter?

 

 

and its not just women, its men too. the majority of men degrade women to nothing more than the physical traits of a women. and when that women has strong feelings for the guy and they eventually break up she will come away thinking that she has to act a certain way.. wear certain things.. and drink and party a certain amount. because heck, thats what he complained about during the break up fight right?

 

and for us " good " guys.. we've lost before the starting gate even drops, because more often than not we are meeting women who have baggage.. and a warped sense of reality. so we get friend-zoned.. we are incapable of being any other type of guy, we are who we are, because of a strong sense of honor, or nobility, or what ever else you wanna call it.

 

then theres the people who just have no regard or sense of anything more than themselves. these are the people whos parents let them have big partys at their house and drink alcohol underage. And the parents think thats all good and well since they are there to control it. but what about when they arent there?

 

Meh theres a whole lot more i could go on about.. but im just too tired and stressed right now

 

but basically sex has become the bane of a happy life... because for all of us there is always gonna be someone else our S.O's might leave us for simply because they have a bigger c*** or bigger t*** and a " great a**" sad as that really is.

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I dont like to cling to edifices of the past, I personally like to see things for how they are. Dating is not different than it was in the 1900's because dating was still a social interaction between between two people. What has changed is what society is willing to accept, from women and men.

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I took this post seriously because that is how it was presented. I thought the title was intriguing, but by the time i got to the end of the OP's "point" it wasnt about "a new era of dating" but instead about how woman as a whole seem to be the major problem in dating. Mostly because women lie on the online profiles???

 

And until your post that I’ve quoted here, I didn’t see any valid points about the differences in generations.

 

A healthy mix does sound like a good solution.

 

P.S. if any one knows of a great guy out there who is looking for a fun, energetic, spunky girl, who is spectacular in bed!!! Well, keep looking, I’m pretty boring, lack motivation and often hold on to my man for dear life and/or a restraining order. Oh, and I always have a headache.

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I dated in the '60s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. Nothing has changed at all. Men still chase, women still hold all the cards. That's why it's called, "getting lucky" when you are a male. People were no more or less happy 40 years ago. It was pretty much the same. Look at some Woodstock footage. Believe me, girls loved to party then, also. We were also selective then, as now. If you aren't "getting lucky" you aren't offering things women want. Work on that and you'll be beating them off with a stick.

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So, we have all these women claiming to "just want to have fun" when in many cases they just want to say that they "just want to have fun" because they don't want to appear clingy, or needy, or pathetic, or desperate, or any of a number of adjectives that they would love to forever disassociate themselves from.

 

I really enjoyed Jettison's post. It was very insightful.

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I think we all agree that not everything in the culture of the early 1900s is wholesome, but that there are certainly good traditional values that more people should take up from their elders. Even if it's possible, going back in time from one era to the next is not going to solve our society's issues; our society's flaws are due to how ignorant and prejudiced people are about their history...among other things.

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Dating is just a tough game, period. Anything in life that you want the best out of is a committment. Divorces will happen, couples will split up & some folks may or may not find what they're looking for. It's just a part of the risks we take in life. Just like a change of career or change address...

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