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Overwhelming odds against.


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I am here to get over a relationship that ended far in the past. I have tried every means I can think of to convince myself that it just wasn't meant to be and we are not right for each other. I have gone as far as fabricating reasons why I cannot in good conscience ever have a relationship with him and also telling him I've moved on. I've been nc for two months and I do feel it's getting better, however, I am starting to see how I have this little problem with accepting the reality that the odds of us ever being together are overwhelmingly against. Even if he wanted to be together which he doesn't I'm not even sure that I could and neither of us believe it would be in the other's best interest.

 

What do I do now besides continue nc? I would really like to live in reality.

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It is tough to accept. I hear you. I'm in a similar place.

 

Have you done any journaling?

Have you listed out for yourself the reasons why you can't be with him?

 

When you have down moments, it might help to read over this list, esp if you are putting him on a pedestal and missing the good times with him?

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It is tough to accept. I hear you. I'm in a similar place.

 

Have you done any journaling?

Have you listed out for yourself the reasons why you can't be with him?

 

When you have down moments, it might help to read over this list, esp if you are putting him on a pedestal and missing the good times with him?

 

Thanks for responding. I am journaling but so far it seems like jibberish. One moment I am confident and the next I am lost. The reasons are clear and there are many hence the overwhelming odds against.

 

In my case things never really got off the ground so if anything we lost an opportunity to create good times.

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Hello r2h. Hope you had a good thanksgiving weekend. but it sounds that it might have been difficult for your healing process. I understand you are longing for a loving relationship as you should and as you deserve.

 

But as you say yourself, the guy in question is not the right guy for you. And you know on a rational level that you should not be thinking of getting back together with him and that you actually deserve someone better than him.

 

What you have to realize is, you are just mixing up your longing for a loving partner with the imagined feelings that you are having for your ex. - These feelings and hopes have NOTHING to do with him. They are already for the new person in your future. It is easy to mix up these feelings, since your ex was the last person you were hoping for to share a relationship with.

 

But you have already come to the conclusion, all by yourself, that he is not deserving of your love.

 

So don't feel bad that you have these feelings and dreams, just be aware that they have nothing to do with your ex.

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penelope, Thank you. What you wrote is exactly what I was looking for. He represents for me the most connected I've felt to anyone so far. It's not him, you are right, it's about what I want from a relationship. It brings me sadness and relief mixed together as I let that sink in.

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R2h,

Some people go through life not knowing what they want but they surely know what they don't want! Knowing what you want and then setting out to make it happen, whether in love, life or business is a very important thing.

 

Letting go of what could have been is looking to the imagined life you might have had with him. Learning from this will make you stronger and make it easier for you to see what you want, not just what you are willing to accept. Compromise is a big part of any relationship but the line must be drawn somewhere. Don't erase the line and move it because you are lonely and hurting. The reality is that you know deep inside that it wasn't right but your heart just hasn't given up yet. It is a stubborn thing that has loneliness and hurt on it's side. Your mind wants what is best for you and your heart wants love at any cost. Being totally honest with yourself will help your mind fight off the urges and thoughts that will bring you to a dark place.

 

The path you are on will lead you to a life you want. Take small steps and when each step is done that mini journey is over and you are onto the next and then the next. If we do not learn and grow we will never make our way out to true healing........

 

 

lost

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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