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Boyfriend broke up with me


tabbycat41

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I was laying in bed with my bf this morning, and he farted. I gave him what I thought was a playful elbow in his back, but he freaked out on me, grabbed my arm, yelled at me, called me a b****, and went on and on. I got in the shower and when I got out, he told me he wanted to break up. He said if he had hit me I would break up with him. I didn't consider what I did a hit and my intent was not to urt him. He said it's never going to work and I shouldn't just want to stay with him for holidays and then break up. I don't know where he got that in his head. He started bringing up all this stuff I thought was old or didn't even know he was mad about. I am so sad.

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I was laying in bed with my bf this morning, and he farted. I gave him what I thought was a playful elbow in his back, but he freaked out on me, grabbed my arm, yelled at me, called me a b****, and went on and on. I got in the shower and when I got out, he told me he wanted to break up. He said if he had hit me I would break up with him. I didn't consider what I did a hit and my intent was not to urt him. He said it's never going to work and I shouldn't just want to stay with him for holidays and then break up. I don't know where he got that in his head. He started bringing up all this stuff I thought was old or didn't even know he was mad about. I am so sad.

 

Clearly that was the straw that broke the camel's back and there is more to this break up than just a fart and an elbow in the back. Are you sure you didn't jab him very hard? Do you have a history of jabbing him like that? What other issues did you have in the relationship?

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I was laying in bed with my bf this morning, and he farted. I gave him what I thought was a playful elbow in his back, but he freaked out on me, grabbed my arm, yelled at me, called me a b****, and went on and on. I got in the shower and when I got out, he told me he wanted to break up. He said if he had hit me I would break up with him. I didn't consider what I did a hit and my intent was not to urt him. He said it's never going to work and I shouldn't just want to stay with him for holidays and then break up. I don't know where he got that in his head. He started bringing up all this stuff I thought was old or didn't even know he was mad about. I am so sad.

 

It seems like he had already broken up with you in his head long ago. I am sorry you are going through this but you need to let him know that this is his decision and go NC with him for at least a week. He may change his mind during this time but if you contact him and tell him how you want him back, that will only feed his ego and he will keep you on the back burner.

 

Put the ball in your court immediately with NC and see what happens. In the meantime, take just a little time to yourself to grieve and then get back out there in the world of life and keep busy. This is a great time to call upon your close friends and go do something fun!

 

Best wishes!

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Clearly that was the straw that broke the camel's back and there is more to this break up than just a fart and an elbow in the back. Are you sure you didn't jab him very hard? Do you have a history of jabbing him like that? What other issues did you have in the relationship?

 

 

we fight sometimes but nothing major. no, this is the first time i have done it i did it playfully because he basically farted on me. i apologized many times and told him i didn't mean to hurt him. he broke up with me anyway. he told me he will call me tonight to give me some money he owes me.

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It seems like he had already broken up with you in his head long ago. I am sorry you are going through this but you need to let him know that this is his decision and go NC with him for at least a week. He may change his mind during this time but if you contact him and tell him how you want him back, that will only feed his ego and he will keep you on the back burner.

 

Put the ball in your court immediately with NC and see what happens. In the meantime, take just a little time to yourself to grieve and then get back out there in the world of life and keep busy. This is a great time to call upon your close friends and go do something fun!

 

Best wishes!

 

wouldn't I have seen this coming? he has been just as loving as ever, last night gave me a great massage and told me how much he loves me. this really caught me by surprise

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I really think he has just not been honest with you about his feelings. He may have felt like he wanted out but just could not express it.

 

How long had you been dating? I looked at a couple posts of yours and it seems like there were trust issues? Do you think they lead to this?

 

no. everything had been great lately or so i thought. he said whatever happens with us we need some time apart. i feel like i can't concentrate at work. should i go home or will that just make me feel worse?

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WOW!

 

This is a first for me. A breakup over a Fart! The elbow in the back is not why he broke up with you........I hope. I don't think you will ever get the real truth out of him and it does appear like he is feeling guilty over something and is going to the past to find things to justify the breakup. This may be a control thing also where he wants you to beg him for forgiveness and then he takes you back. Either way you need to see this for what it is, a bunch of crap that he is doing for what ever reason. This may be a blessing in disguise.

 

lost

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WOW!

 

This is a first for me. A breakup over a Fart! The elbow in the back is not why he broke up with you........I hope. I don't think you will ever get the real truth out of him and it does appear like he is feeling guilty over something and is going to the past to find things to justify the breakup. This may be a control thing also where he wants you to beg him for forgiveness and then he takes you back. Either way you need to see this for what it is, a bunch of crap that he is doing for what ever reason. This may be a blessing in disguise.

 

lost

 

If only that paragraph would have come into my head the first time I read the thread. That is exactly right. It sounds like guilt, or he's just crazy and controlling.

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WOW!

 

This is a first for me. A breakup over a Fart! The elbow in the back is not why he broke up with you........I hope. I don't think you will ever get the real truth out of him and it does appear like he is feeling guilty over something and is going to the past to find things to justify the breakup. This may be a control thing also where he wants you to beg him for forgiveness and then he takes you back. Either way you need to see this for what it is, a bunch of crap that he is doing for what ever reason. This may be a blessing in disguise.

 

lost

 

all the fights we get into, i end up apologizing even if he is wrong. he gets to call me whatever he wants c-word, b-word whatever and it's supposed to be ok because i made him angry.

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Usually, when we fight about little things and make a big deal out of them then we're actually just projecting our feelings from some other, much more important issue. Right now, he's just looking for any excuse to fight with you and be angry because in his heart there is something really wrong that he just doesn't have the courage to address or talk about with you right now.

 

Your best bet is to say something like...

 

"Look, I know that this isn't about a playful elbow to the back. It's about something else, and I think we should talk about it. And whatever happens, even if you do break up with me, I just want you to know in advance that I think that would be a big mistake, and I'll hope you don't go that route."

 

Direct, honest, sincere, courageous... that's all you can be at this point. Whatever you do, DO NOT fan the flames by coming back at him with more fighting. He is looking for extreme emotion from you, and he'll take any kind he can get right now. Don't bite by giving it to him the wrong way so he can be vindicated. Right now, he's throwing a tantrum so your best bet is not to engage that tantrum.

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all the fights we get into, i end up apologizing even if he is wrong. he gets to call me whatever he wants c-word, b-word whatever and it's supposed to be ok because i made him angry.

 

You haven't been very good at setting boundaries with him. You need to create consequences for his nefarious actions. If he calls you either of those names, then you calmly explain how not ok that is and then he gets the silent treatment from you, period. And when he comes crawling back, however long that may be, you need to make him promise that his behavior won't repeat or else you're gone.

 

If you can't set boundaries then he'll never respect you enough not to call you names.

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You haven't been very good at setting boundaries with him. You need to create consequences for his nefarious actions. If he calls you either of those names, then you calmly explain how not ok that is and then he gets the silent treatment from you, period. And when he comes crawling back, however long that may be, you need to make him promise that his behavior won't repeat or else you're gone.

 

If you can't set boundaries then he'll never respect you enough not to call you names.

 

 

I have done that. when i get silent he gets even more mad and continues to call me names and fight with me. he will say why don't we break up but this is the first time he ever did it because usually i say i don't want to. i said it again and he broke up with me anyway.

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I have done that. when i get silent he gets even more mad and continues to call me names and fight with me. he will say why don't we break up but this is the first time he ever did it because usually i say i don't want to. i said it again and he broke up with me anyway.

 

Sounds to me like you're just giving up first. This may sound odd to you, but the advice is sound. Go watch about 10 episodes of the Dog Whisperer and then think of your relationship as an owner/pet scenario. We all, both men and women, need to train each other in relationships. We teach people how to treat us. Your boyfriend is needing strong, consistent behavior from you that included the same consequences that always stick. You need unemotional, short, hard tugs on the leash. Otherwise, your "dog" runs away and starts biting things.

 

You can't set up consequences for someone's poor actions and then just give in because they are suddenly more upset. Of course they're more upset. They are throwing a tantrum. But just like with a pet or a child, responding with emotion is the WRONG thing to do. That's what he's searching for from you... strong emotion. If you give it to him then he has what he was looking for and won't ever have to change.

 

Next time you go silent on him, and he gets mad, stay silent still. And if that causes him to break up and run away then good for you... you know for sure that he didn't really give a damn about you, and you'll be 100% sure that you'll be better off with another person.

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If he is verbally abusing you like that he does not respect you at all. You are a possesion to him to be treated as he wishes. It is not your job to teach him how to treat you right. Your responsiblity is to tell him what it is that he does or says that upsets you or that you do not like, nothing more. Is this what you always wanted your relationship to be? I think not. Look at this from the outside in. If this was happening to your best friend what would you tell her......

 

lost

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If he is verbally abusing you like that he does not respect you at all. You are a possesion to him to be treated as he wishes. It is not your job to teach him how to treat you right. Your responsiblity is to tell him what it is that he does or says that upsets you or that you do not like, nothing more. Is this what you always wanted your relationship to be? I think not. Look at this from the outside in. If this was happening to your best friend what would you tell her......

 

lost

 

 

I totally agree with this. I will also add that I am wondering if him farting on you was "an act of aggression" to pick a fight...so when you elbowed him playfully he blew it out of proportion in order to create the scene he wanted. Given his name calling and cruelty I would say that you are much better off without him. Do not go back to a loser like this.

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i think because he farted he got embarrassed and then everything he had been holding in his head came out at that time. i'm sorry this happened to you. it's ridiculous.

 

also i am not usually in the best of moods in the mornings. it probably fed his anger being the time of day that it was.

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