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My boyfriend doesnt want to have SEX!


BreezyBee

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He Calls Me Instead Of Texting
He Calls Me Instead Of Texting

So my boyfriend and i have been dating for 2 years, we broke up and saw other people once. Since we've been back together everything has been fine other then the fact that he doesnt really have any sex drive, and whenever i ask him to he gets all weird. We are both 20, and I know he doesnt have any STD's or anything gross like that. Ive talked to him a bunch of times and i really dont know whats going on. When we do have sex he doesnt want to touch me either he always has an excuse on why we have to rush.. or why he cant have sex ( his stomach, hes tired...) yada yada. can someone please help me to understand why..

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i was thinking perhaps something he did while you two weren't together that's bothering him? or maybe, possibly, did you do stuff with other guys that he can't seem to forgive? there is something turning him off to sex with you and it sounds a lot more emotional than physical.

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wellllll... if i have to be honest.. me and one of his friends had sex.. but like i didnt know he was still friends with him, because all he did was talk * * * * about my "ex" boyfriend at the time.. you ythink that could be it? (we've been back together for 8 months now) l

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wellllll... if i have to be honest.. me and one of his friends had sex.. but like i didnt know he was still friends with him, because all he did was talk * * * * about my "ex" boyfriend at the time.. you ythink that could be it? (we've been back together for 8 months now) l

 

lol, my ex-gf (she said this when we were together) made the mistake of telling me she had slept with one of the dudes in our inner circle of friends. Let's just say I didn't feel like touching her for a while. That might be it.

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i dont think so.. I honestly trust him more then anything, and were really really close, but what else do you think? and how could i find out if he is?

 

If you guys are that close, then he should be able to explain to you what is going on...

 

I would sit him down and have a very serious conversation with him. Let him know that the lack of intimacy is starting to make you feel unwanted and undesired and that you guys need to have an open discussion about this so that it can get resolved.

 

There's definitely something going on with him and his life that is effecting him...Ask him if he is dealing with any unwanted stress...is it something about you that is making him act this way?

 

Naturally, the only way you'll find out is if he tells you, so I would try to do what I could to make him open up to you...Maybe even try writing a letter.

 

I know you must be frustrated and feeling hurt by this...Hope you guys can get to the bottom of this!

 

 

Oh, one question...how long has the lack of intimacy been going on?

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i *might* have hit the nail on the head, then.

he could be feeling insecure about the fact that you slept with his friend. he may be decent enough not to want to bring it up because it was something you did when you weren't together.... but put yourself in his shoes if he slept with one of your friends. he might see you in a different light sexually, or feel like he can't compare to his friend, OR be slightly resentful towards one or both of you... even eight months later. some things are hard for people to get over. has he ever said anything?

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welll, to be honest i had sex with one of his friends... while we wernt together (he was also seeing someone else).. u think that could be it? and if it is, what do i do? (we;ve been back together for 8 months)

 

For me, it was just awkward having that movie play in your head when you know both people REALLY well. Then you're just thinking, Jesus, B---- has done exactly what I'm doing to you right now. That stuff normally doesn't bother me, but when it's with a close friend it's weirder.

 

There's really nothing you can do if this is the problem. He just has to adjust to the fact that it happened and get through it. I don't know him, so I can't say with any certainty that this is why he won't have sex. I can only speak for me.

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welll, to be honest i had sex with one of his friends... while we wernt together (he was also seeing someone else).. u think that could be it? and if it is, what do i do? (we;ve been back together for 8 months)

 

 

 

ooohhhh...it's never good to sleep with one of friends. This could very well be it....He may be having a mental block.

 

I probably would have a hard time wanting to be intimate with my guy if I knew he had been with one of my friends. The image would forever be burned in my head!!

 

Maybe you should ask him if that's what the problem is?

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well he throws it in my face every once ina while, and we have sex like 2 times a month, when we used to like 3 times a day.. everywhere. and he was always all over me and wanting to touch me and kiss me and love me and now it seems like hes too afraid to get attached or something ( i was the one who brok eup with him last)

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well he throws it in my face every once ina while, and we have sex like 2 times a month, when we used to like 3 times a day.. everywhere. and he was always all over me and wanting to touch me and kiss me and love me and now it seems like hes too afraid to get attached or something ( i was the one who brok eup with him last)

in that case, i really think we are right.

my ex did something similar to me. this is how i felt about it

 

he broke up with me, slept with another girl, then wanted to get back together with me and sleep with me again. i felt violated in some way, angry at him for breaking up with me then sleeping with somebody else (would feel much, much worse if it were someone i knew, even if they werent a friend of mine), and very hurt. we got back together afterward and even a year later i still thought of him being with her whenever i was with him.

 

NOT that you are in the wrong in any way, shape, or form. if you are broken up with someone then it is your decision what you want to do with who. but try to reverse the situation and put yourself in his shoes. how would you feel about it?

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he never gives me a straight answer when i ask him, its always a different reason. so that leads me to believe that he knows excatly what it is and wont tell me. and it hurts because im the one hes supposed to tell things to... and it slike when we actually do have sex, i have to like keep asking, and then its like "okay we gotta make this quick because of ..(whatever the reason is)" and he doesnt wanna touch me or like mess around its like strickly sex thats IT!

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well he throws it in my face every once ina while,

 

 

Oh yea, sounds like that's the problem....To go from 3 times a day to 2 times a month is a drastic change. And if he's brought up the 'sex with the friend' more than once, I would be inclined to think it's really bothering him.

 

Most men would not be happy with the notion of their friend being with their woman....even if it is during a breakup.

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I know that.. and particially the reason why i did it was to hurt him because he started dating some girl like 2 days after we broke up.. and it was like really? i ment nothing to you.. at least thats how i felt, then 2 months went by and we started hanging out again, and dating again and its like we always tell eachother were going to get married and we ALWAYS plan out our future house cars kids yada yada.

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Oh yea, sounds like that's the problem....To go from 3 times a day to 2 times a month is a drastic change. And if he's brought up the 'sex with the friend' more than once, I would be inclined to think it's really bothering him.

 

Most men would not be happy with the notion of their friend being with their woman....even if it is during a breakup.

 

& ESPECIALLY if this friend was talking behind his back.

 

if he won't tell you what's wrong when you ask, you have to take a different approach. like flat out TELLING him that you KNOW there is a problem, and that you suspect what it is, so unless he wants you possibly making false assumptions, he better spill the beans.

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I know that.. and particially the reason why i did it was to hurt him because he started dating some girl like 2 days after we broke up.. and it was like really? i ment nothing to you.. at least thats how i felt, then 2 months went by and we started hanging out again, and dating again and its like we always tell eachother were going to get married and we ALWAYS plan out our future house cars kids yada yada.

i think in his mind he was rebounding since YOU broke HIS heart. and he "didn't do anything" to you (thinking in the mind of someone who's been broken up with.) then you went to go sleep with his friend behind his back. (again, not saying you did anything wrong, just trying to put myself in his shoes.)

i can see how that would be hurtful.

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