Jump to content

sharing date expenses


simplenation
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

Recommended Posts

I'm currently working full time and my girl friend works part time while going to school full-time. Historically I pay for pretty much everything we do together.. meals,movies and activities. My girl friend never really "asks" me to pay but always "assumes" or puts me in a situation where I feel obligated to pay. Lately I've been asking her to atleast leave the tip but for some reason she just can't voluntarily leave the tip or contribute to an outing. Her lack of contribution to our relationship has made me wanna do less together because I know it will end up costing me more. The issue that spawned this post is an upcoming trip to nyc. Last weekend my girlfriend asked me if i wanted to take a trip up to new york for the day. I love going out and doing things but I always find myself doing the quick calculation for what these activities will cost me. So what do i do?? I can forsee expenses for this trip (bus tickets, food, gas, parking, activities) costing about 150 bucks for the day. i don't mind spending that kind of money to have a good time but my girl friend doesn't understand how quickly days like these add up. What would you do??

 

btw.. My girl friend is 3 years younger, is a full time student, and is still very used to her parents paying for most of her expenses.

 

AHH! Frustrated! Need advice!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If she's asking you if you'd like to go to New York for the day, she should expect to be paying for it.

 

She sounds rather spoiled to me. She may be only working part time, but she should be making some attempts to either help to pay for things or to reciprocate in other ways such as offering to cook dinner for the two of you or coming up with some other creative, inexpensive outings.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ask yourself this. Do you want to be paying for this girl for the rest of your life? She will likely expect you to foot the bill for _everything_ from now on.

 

House, kids, staying at home, you name it. She will expect it all and more from you. You are facing a lifetime of stress to pay for her.

 

Has she indicated any sense of gratitude for your sacrifice or is it just expected that you'll pay?

 

If she's never expressed gratitude you can expect, twenty years from now, not only to feel like you're being crushed to death by her financial expectations but also feel like they _never end_ and that she has absolutely no comprehension of how much effort you make. She will think you're a lazy bum who doesn't earn his keep because of all the _other_ stuff she isn't able to buy because you can't afford it.

 

Is this the future you want?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for your comments. As to what she spends her money on, she makes very little money.. infact its just enough to pay for her cellphone, buy food for herself and put gas in her car.. or atleast thats how it appears on the surface. I honestly don't think she is intentionally trying to take advantage of me. This is her first serious relationship and i think she just simply doesnt understand reality. I don't think the "actual" cost of her actions registers with her. I've been very patient with her because she is about 6 months away from beginning her career and her take home pay will increase greatly. My fear is that im approaching 1 year of this relationship and by the time she gets settled down we'll be approaching two years. I honestly just get resenment when i pay too much and it makes me not even enjoy whatever we're doing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't remember how I did it when I was in college and dating a guy 3 years older who was making a good salary (I lived at home, school full time, maybe had a part time job occasionally). I know he paid far more often than I did but I also seem to remember that we chose to do inexpensive things (and, on top of that I barely drank at all, if at all, and I had a tiny appetite so if we went out to eat I was a cheaper date than those who had a few drinks/could order multiple courses). I believe we split the cost of vacations other than he probably paid for more meals out than I did when we were away.

 

I didn't feel entitled to this, it was just how he chose to do things, I went along with it and we knew that my budget was far more limited than his.

 

I would start planning free or inexpensive dates and if she reacts or comments in any negative way simply say "this is all I can afford right now -- if you want to go to ____ then we'll have to split it".

 

Do her friends behave this way too? I'd be curious to know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well some of her friends are more mature than others. We have had conversations about it in the past but I still feel like I have say something in order for her to make an effort. Ithink we may have had an argument 2 or 3 times about it. I don't know how to convey it to her without causing a fight. One of the my biggest mistakes I think was being to open about my financial situation. She knows that im not hurting for money but doesnt understand how hard im trying to save it. I guess I just feel that th4e "honeymoon" stage of our relationship is over and now its time to be partners.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just thought i'd post an update. So I text my girl friend this morning and asked her if she had enough money for out trip to ny and the holidays and such. She quickly responded saying that she would be able to pay for her bus ticket but then followed up a few minutes later saying that we don't have to go. I guess I sorta feel bad now but at the same time it might be good that she understands that doing things cost money. Hope things improve!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good for telling her. You have to be able to feel comfortable telling her these things and you shouldn't feel bad at all. The reality is that you don't have an endless supply of money and she has to understand that. A relationship should be a partnership....she's dating you, not your wallet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think it's that bad if she says "I only have enough for the bus, so if you can't cover the rest we can do something else instead for vacation." It's if she * * * * * es and whines that the vacation can't happen because you won't pay for the rest, that's where the issue is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you need to do cheaper activities or just spend more time at home. She is not contributing and as neither of you have much money in the first place, I think maybe it's time to cut back on the spending. I mean, you can still spend a lot of quality time together, you just don't have to spend any more money. How about doing things like cooking each other dinner? That'll be a nice romantic evening and is much much cheaper than going out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just saw this thread but I'm glad to see you made a move and asked her if she had money for the trip.

She pretty much expected you to pay once again. Truth is, if you hadn't spoken up she probably would have assumed you didn't mind doing all the paying, which isn't entirely fair in my opinion.

 

With me and my bf, I don't make alot either. I didn't even used to work till recently (I'm interning) and I get a $200 allowance from my dad for gas, the gym and food every month. I don't use my cell phone .. maybe $10 a month. b/c I'd rather save money for other things (and put most in the bank).

 

My bf's 25, and I'm 22. He works full time, and we take turns paying. If I want to do something expensive like go to a restaurant I pay. And he pays when he invites me to the movies or to eat out. I hate splitting down the middle/going Dutch though.

Other then that we do inexpensive stuff like rent movies, go to the beach, get take away, buy dessert and go home and watch tv/movies.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...