Jump to content

How do I break up with him


zoeage

Recommended Posts

Ive been in a 4 year relationship now, and Im engaged to marry the man I love very much. However, there are small holes in our relationship, and I think we need to break up.

 

Im 23, and he is 37 with 2 kids, and he lives with his parents and brother. We are planning to buy their house so that we can have the whole family together. However, when he's been drinking, which is only every couple of months or so, he can get really aggressive, shouting and swearing at me. Once he grabbed me by the throat. But in the morning he remembers none of it and the guilt he feels just makes him feel awful, because he has no recollection of it.

 

But the other times, its so lovely. He loves me very much and I love him too, he knows me better than anybody ever could. We have a brilliant relationship. However, I've recently moved away due to my career, and I am very career-led, so it means I travel a lot to see him and his children. He was y first serious relationship, and he means the world to me.

 

I know i shuld be a bit selfish and break up with him, because I have been incredibly selfless in the relationship. But how do i do it? I love him so much, its going to be such a difficult thing to do.

 

Help me!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First of all: someone who drinks and has that reaction---are you certain it's 'only a couple of months or so?' As one who has plenty of experience with this behavior and pattern, it is more likely that he only gets out of control on the timetable you mentioned. More likely, he drinks all the time.

 

If you are career oriented, even with a bit of travel, this could mean you are not completely in tune with core patterns related to drinking and any other kind of destructive behavior.

 

No doubt the family entwined is causing difficulty. Believe me, I know. I dated a man for YEARS, and we are in our mid-40s, who is very involved in a codependent/enabling (I'm not a shrink, but it fits) relationship with his mother, in the family home. It makes for some truly scary passive aggressive tendencies and this is what you will be walking right in to, and inheriting. Are you certain you are ready? Peace to you...MCR

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He goes out on Friday nights to play skittles with my brother and others, and has about 4 pints. other than that, he doesnt drink. Only when he goes out on Saturdays with his friends he gets drunk, and thats why its only every couple of months. He cant afford to do it more often, and I've told him I don't like him going out so often. He used to go out on Saturdays every couple of weeks, until I told him to stop.

 

Him and his mother do NOT get on!! Its simply that they have a council house that we could buy, extend and develop so that both of his children could live with us. They are just a normal family. However, his brother is learning disabled, so no matter what, we would end up having to look after him when my fiance's parents pass away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

However, when he's been drinking, which is only every couple of months or so, he can get really aggressive, shouting and swearing at me. Once he grabbed me by the throat. But in the morning he remembers none of it and the guilt he feels just makes him feel awful, because he has no recollection of it.

 

 

This isn't a small hole. This is a dirty great gash in the side of the vessel which should tell you that it's not safe.

 

You're 23, you've got the whole of your life in front of you. Your career is beginning to take off, you've had to move away anyway - if you don't break it off now, it's going to be much more difficult to do it later on when the house has been bought, you're more enmeshed with the extended family and so on.

 

As to how you do it - it sounds like you're a sensitive, understanding type. I'm sure you'll find the words which will cause minimum harm whilst still stating your case.

 

Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This isn't a small hole. This is a dirty great gash in the side of the vessel which should tell you that it's not safe.

 

You're 23, you've got the whole of your life in front of you. Your career is beginning to take off, you've had to move away anyway - if you don't break it off now, it's going to be much more difficult to do it later on when the house has been bought, you're more enmeshed with the extended family and so on.

 

As to how you do it - it sounds like you're a sensitive, understanding type. I'm sure you'll find the words which will cause minimum harm whilst still stating your case.

 

Good luck!

 

I totally agree. Even once is too much for this kind of violence. This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I would get out of this situation now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...