lady00 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 If you do contact him, just be prepared that he might be angry or not very receptive to a blast from the past. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Share Posted November 30, 2008 Who really likes their parents' SO's at 15? Who really likes their girlfriend's teenager? You're an adult now and you can approach it as such. I like what Diamond said above. I think that'd be easier. I say call him instead of email if you can't find an email. More personable. Yeah, what she said was good. I'm just a little nervous. In an email he could just ignore it, but what if I call and he has a gf or something and she picks up!!? Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Share Posted November 30, 2008 If you do contact him, just be prepared that he might be angry or not very receptive to a blast from the past. That's what I am afraid of. That is why an email would be a lot easier. But I don't know id there is a way to find an email adrress? I do have is mailing address though. I could write a hand written letter? Link to comment
hers Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Yeah, what she said was good. I'm just a little nervous. In an email he could just ignore it, but what if I call and he has a gf or something and she picks up!!? You don't have to say who you are! It's not like YOU are a girlfriend calling or anything. You can say he's an old friend of your family's. In an email he could possibly not see it. Some people put things straight in their spambox when they don't recognize the name. I say call him. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Share Posted November 30, 2008 You don't have to say who you are! It's not like YOU are a girlfriend calling or anything. You can say he's an old friend of your family's. In an email he could possibly not see it. Some people put things straight in their spambox when they don't recognize the name. I say call him. Yea, but I could picture him on the phone and she is standing right there listening or something! lol I don't even know if he is seeing someone, but that would be awkward!! Link to comment
diamond78 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Yea, but I could picture him on the phone and she is standing right there listening or something! lol I don't even know if he is seeing someone, but that would be awkward!! Well, I'm sure he knows you're not a fortune teller.....He would just explain that he is in a relationship now and can't make that connection. So much time has gone by that I would think any anger or resentment would be pretty much gone away. This would be more like a blast from his past...and people tend to be more receptive with that sort of thing, especially when so much time has gone by. If anything, he might be grateful and appreciative that you reached out to him and would go through the trouble to find him. if he acts like a jerk, then you'll know your mom isn't missing out on much... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Do not contact him. That would be really unfair to him. Your mother broke his heart and it doesn't sound like she takes responsibility for her actions. Blaming you was wrong. As a parent she made the sacrifice and she should not be blaming you. She did not have to ignore this guy's phone calls. I wonder if she bailed on him for her own reasons which had nothing to do with you. She did not handle herself very well and I don't think it is fair on him if you call him up...because that is not the same as your mother calling him up and apologizing for her behaviour. You can't speak on behalf of your mother because you don't know what she really wants. If you tell him and then he contacts her, she might treat him like crap again. Do you want that on your conscience, that you opened up these old wounds, spoke on your mother's behalf when you don't even know what she wants. Give your mother the information and then let her decide. She needs to be the one to contact him, NOT you. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Share Posted November 30, 2008 Well, I'm sure he knows you're not a fortune teller.....He would just explain that he is in a relationship now and can't make that connection. So much time has gone by that I would think any anger or resentment would be pretty much gone away. This would be more like a blast from his past...and people tend to be more receptive with that sort of thing, especially when so much time has gone by. If anything, he might be grateful and appreciative that you reached out to him and would go through the trouble to find him. if he acts like a jerk, then you'll know your mom isn't missing out on much... That is true. I think I will call. Wish me luck!! Link to comment
DN Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I agree with this. You could be doing more harm than good if you contact him - let your mother decide. Even if she decides not to contact him and regrets it then she will have to live with her decision. Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Conventional wisdom says no but the romantic in me says yes. Just be tactful and keep us updated on the potential happy movie of the week; heck, it could even turn out to be a Greek tragedy for us. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Well, I'm sure he knows you're not a fortune teller.....He would just explain that he is in a relationship now and can't make that connection. So much time has gone by that I would think any anger or resentment would be pretty much gone away. This would be more like a blast from his past...and people tend to be more receptive with that sort of thing, especially when so much time has gone by. If anything, he might be grateful and appreciative that you reached out to him and would go through the trouble to find him. if he acts like a jerk, then you'll know your mom isn't missing out on much... [/QUOTE] I totally disagree. Nobody has any idea if he has come to terms with the rejection or not. It could open up old wounds. As for him reacting badly...that is not a reflection on him...that is a reflection of the ridiculous Hollywood movie of the Christmas season notion that children can reunite a parent with a long lost love. This is real life, not some made for TV Christmas movie. Nobody knows just how badly he took the situation. The apology and contact needs to come from your mother who was the one who treated him wrong, not from you. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Share Posted November 30, 2008 I know she hurt him bad, and I agree she didn't handle her self well, but she never treated him like crap. She is still in love with him, and if he feels the same, it could work out for the better. I am expecting the worst but hoping for the best here. I know she would love for him to contact her, and I do believe 100% if he did contact her she would give it another shot. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I know she hurt him bad, and I agree she didn't handle her self well, but she never treated him like crap. She is still in love with him, and if he feels the same, it could work out for the better. I am expecting the worst but hoping for the best here. I know she would love for him to contact her, and I do believe 100% if he did contact her she would give it another shot. So what is stopping her from contacting him and making amends for rejecting him. Pride...the same pride that is blaming you for her life choices. Your mother is NOT taking responsibility for her actions and it should not be up to this guy to call her...he did his best and she stomped all over him by refusing to even take his phone calls. If she has learned her lesson after all these years then she would pick up the phone to call him and clear the air, not wait for him to call her. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Share Posted November 30, 2008 I agree with this. You could be doing more harm than good if you contact him - let your mother decide. Even if she decides not to contact him and regrets it then she will have to live with her decision. The thing is she is stubborn, and wouldn't call. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I know I am not cupid, but if it is true love and if she truly believes they were soulmates, then he probably feels the same. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I totally disagree. Nobody has any idea if he has come to terms with the rejection or not. It could open up old wounds. As for him reacting badly...that is not a reflection on him...that is a reflection of the ridiculous Hollywood movie of the Christmas season notion that children can reunite a parent with a long lost love. This is real life, not some made for TV Christmas movie. Nobody knows just how badly he took the situation. The apology and contact needs to come from your mother who was the one who treated him wrong, not from you. Just because you perceive it be 'ridiculous' doesn't make it so....and you certainly don't have to make people feel like their opinion is 'ridiculous'.... Have a good day! Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 Your mother needs to wise up and realize that she is responsible for her own happiness. She needs to make the decision about whether or not to contact him. Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 The thing is she is stubborn, and wouldn't call. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I know I am not cupid, but if it is true love and if she truly believes they were soulmates, then he probably feels the same. Yes, but she needs to take responsibility to overcome her stubbornness. If she really believes that he is her soulmate, surely she would get over her stubbornness and contact him. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Share Posted November 30, 2008 So what is stopping her from contacting him and making amends for rejecting him. Pride...the same pride that is blaming you for her life choices. Your mother is NOT taking responsibility for her actions and it should not be up to this guy to call her...he did his best and she stomped all over him by refusing to even take his phone calls. If she has learned her lesson after all these years then she would pick up the phone to call him and clear the air, not wait for him to call her. I'm not thinking about doing this because of the Christmas season, and because I think I have the magic of reuniting a long lost love. If you knew me in person, this is the last thing you would think I would do. the reason I want to do this is because I love my mother, and I saw the pain in her eyes from a relationship that was 10 years ago. I KNOW she should be the one calling. But she wouldn't. So if he won't and she won't, that means they would never reconnect again. In some situations you do need a middle man. it might not work out for the better, but I think it is worth a shot. Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I agree with CAD. This is not a movie. It's real life with real people and real feelings. This guy may simply not want to hear it. I mean, it has been 10 years. Most people would have moved on during that time. That is a very likely possibility, IMO. Link to comment
Supa_gurl Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I think it is most definatley worth a shot. I think YOU should contact him and find out his feelings of reconnecting first. If he is still holding a candle for her, I would let him know in no uncertain terms "No promises" and let him surprise her with flowers or something from a "secret admirer". Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Share Posted November 30, 2008 I agree with CAD. This is not a movie. It's real life with real people and real feelings. This guy may simply not want to hear it. I mean, it has been 10 years. Most people would have moved on during that time. That is a very likely possibility, IMO. well this is kind of equivalent to having my mother call..but a few months ago an estranged friend from 8 years ago tried to contact me. She hurt me so much, and I refused to talk to her. The thing is I actually respect her for trying. If she never did, she would have never known. So why do you think it's so bad if I at least try? Even though it's not my mother calling herself, I will tell him I know she would love to hear from him. So wouldn't that at least make him feel better after all this time to know she doesn't hate him? Even if he wants nothing to do with her at this point ,it could still give him a little bit of closure and relief to know she doesn't hold resentment for him still, for leaving. And maybe he has been wanting to contact her all this time but he is afraid, and my call could give him that little push he needed. Link to comment
hers Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 What about contacting him not with the intention of matchmaking but just to apologize & see how he's doing & update him on your mom? Then let him decide what he'd like to do from there. Link to comment
DN Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 The thing is she is stubborn, and wouldn't call. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I know I am not cupid, but if it is true love and if she truly believes they were soulmates, then he probably feels the same. If she is so stubborn that she would not call a guy she supposedly loves if there is a chance of reconciliation, then I have to say that I doubt she is either in love with him or, if she is, that she is someone that he should be with anyway. Link to comment
greywolf Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 I think that if you believe someone is your soulmate that you'd go to hell and back for them. But your mother can't make a phone call for her soulmate? If she doesn't call, then she is choosing to be unhappy. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 30, 2008 Share Posted November 30, 2008 The thing is she is stubborn, and wouldn't call. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I know I am not cupid, but if it is true love and if she truly believes they were soulmates, then he probably feels the same. No, you can't speak for him...just because she may feel it doesn't mean he does too. You are making very major assumptions here. If she truly felt they were soulmates she would be on that phone calling him. That same stubborness caused her to unfairly blame you for this situation. Her stubborness created this mess that she is in...someone who is that stubborn and can't fix mistakes is not a good bet for a relationship because they will always find someone else to blame and pawn off responsibility. By trying to play cupid, you are simply enabling her bad behaviour. Link to comment
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