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Should I contact him 10 years later?


Snoopy24
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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My mom dated this guy Gerry from 1990-1998. They loved each other SO much. They got engaged in 1997 and planned to get married in 1999.

 

His job was moving from New York to Georgia. They talked about it, and they decided her, my cat, and myself would go and live with him there. Since he had a dog, and my cat didn't get along with dogs, he voluntarily gave him away so my cat could be happy.

 

So after all of these desicions THEY made, they sat me down and told me we were all going Georgia in two weeks. I was 15, at the time. Had my friends here, and didn't want to start a new high school in 11th grade in a different state. I was happy where I was, so I refused. My dad said I could live with him, and I told my mom she can go without me.

 

Last minute, my mom decided to stay with me. She said she wouldn't go if I didn't go. I still refused. She broke up with him, and he went to Georgia by himself without his dog. He called, and wrote for awhile and my mom ignored him. She said it was too hard for her.

 

Now since then, my mom has dated a few guys here and there. Her last boyfriend she broke up with 3 years ago and they dated for 2 years. Throughout the years my mom has blamed me for "ruining her life" since I didn't go to Georgia. "She would have been married and happy by now."

 

Well yesterday I was going through old pictures and found one of Gerry and her, and showed her. She started crying and said "you know..not a day has gone by that I don't think of him. I truley believe he was my soulmate"

 

I don't know why, but after she said that I looked him up. ..and he has lived in NY again for 2 years! He's not married, but I'm not sure if he is in a relationship. I don't know how he feels about my mom. I know she broke his heart, and this is 10 years later. But I was thinking of contacting him, and if he is single, maybe having him surprise her on christmas or if that's not possible another day. Is it worth a shot? Or is this idea just ridiculous? All I want is for my mom to be happy.

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yea, your mom saying you ruined her life was pretty foul and selfish. its not like she couldnt move, you found a an alternative place to live and she decided to stay anyway (bc she loves you more than anything of course, but she didnt have to stay).

 

i change my vote, i say let her know you found this info and here is the contact and all that and see what she says.

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The worst thing you can do is not try.

 

Throughout the years my mom has blamed me for "ruining her life" since I didn't go to Georgia. "She would have been married and happy by now."

That said, this is not true. You were 15, your mom the adult. She could have found a way around it if she really wanted to. She chose to stay and block him.

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It's too bad that she blames you. It's not your fault that their relationship did not work out. She chose to stay with you over moving to be with him. That does not in any way shape or form make it your fault that they broke up. Lots of things could have been done differently. He could have gotten a different job if he realized that she wanted to stay to be with you (perfectly reasonable and understandable thing for a mom to want to do). They were the adults in the situation. It's sad that she blames you for her unhappiness.

 

I think that she is in charge of her own happiness and if she wants to contact him, she should. But I don't think you should get in the middle of it and play matchmaker.

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Do you want to do this because of what she said to you about ruining her life?

 

No not at all. When I look back, I don't regret not going at all. I do regret her not going though, and I feel bad I am the reason she didn't go. Even though she has held me responsible, I had a place to live and she is the one responsible for her own decision.

 

I just want her to be happy, and she hasn't been happy for a LONG time. And even though he may want nothing to do with her at this point, I'm not sure if it would be worth a shot.

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yea, your mom saying you ruined her life was pretty foul and selfish. its not like she couldnt move, you found a an alternative place to live and she decided to stay anyway (bc she loves you more than anything of course, but she didnt have to stay).

 

i change my vote, i say let her know you found this info and here is the contact and all that and see what she says.

 

I know for a fact she wouldn't contact him. That's why I feel maybe if I try he could at least call her if he wanted and maybe try to reconnect.

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I know for a fact she wouldn't contact him. That's why I feel maybe if I try he could at least call her if he wanted and maybe try to reconnect.

 

 

 

I think it's worth the try....the worse he could say is that he isn't willing to pursue her again. And it'd probably be better for you to hear that, than for her....So, take a chance!! Hope it works out for everyone!

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How do you know?

 

oh I know my mom like the back of my hand. I actually mentioned i a couple of years ago before I found him and she said "He is probably married and hates me for not going with him"

 

which he may want nothing to do with her, because she did hurt him really bad. But for all I know he is single and still thinking of my mom like she is him, and it could work out for the best. I mean it is a long shot, but you don't think it's worth a try?

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I think it's worth the try....the worse he could say is that he isn't willing to pursue her again. And it'd probably be better for you to hear that, than for her....So, take a chance!! Hope it works out for everyone!

 

but what exactly would I say? I found his number, i'm not sure if there would be a way to find his email address. I think that would be easier.

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I say go for it. this has ABC Family movie written all over it!

 

If anything, I'd contact him and apologize for not going 10 years ago. It's not your fault your mom didn't go, but at 15, we don't know anything at all, though we think we do. What you knew then was that your friends and school were important, and justifiably so. But i think now at 25/26, you are able to look at the situation and see what happened can maybe still be fixed. Go for it.

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I say go for it. this has ABC Family movie written all over it!

 

If anything, I'd contact him and apologize for not going 10 years ago. It's not your fault your mom didn't go, but at 15, we don't know anything at all, though we think we do. What you knew then was that your friends and school were important, and justifiably so. But i think now at 25/26, you are able to look at the situation and see what happened can maybe still be fixed. Go for it.

 

ABC Family movie....so true!! and I hope there's a happy ending!!

 

 

I think hersmudders has given a good basic intro on what you can say...

 

Just mention that you came accross a picture of him and remembered how great he and your mom were together.....and that you know that your mom really wanted to be with him, but she choose to stay with you (her daughter) instead...That at the time you didn't realize what was really going on, but now that you're older you see that they had something really special and was wondering if he would at least like to reconnect even just as friends with your mom again.

 

I dunno...something!!! lol

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I say go for it. this has ABC Family movie written all over it!

 

If anything, I'd contact him and apologize for not going 10 years ago. It's not your fault your mom didn't go, but at 15, we don't know anything at all, though we think we do. What you knew then was that your friends and school were important, and justifiably so. But i think now at 25/26, you are able to look at the situation and see what happened can maybe still be fixed. Go for it.

 

 

haha. Maybe i should call a talk show and have them meet there! lol j/k I've seen things like this on those shows!

 

Yea he probably really hates me! I actually wasn't crazy about the guy and we didn't really get along great. So approaching him might be hard, but I know he was just in love with my mom as she was with him. I'm just not sure exactly what I would say?

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haha. Maybe i should call a talk show and have them meet there! lol j/k I've seen things like this on those shows!

 

Yea he probably really hates me! I actually wasn't crazy about the guy and we didn't really get along great. So approaching him might be hard, but I know he was just in love with my mom as she was with him. I'm just not sure exactly what I would say?

 

Who really likes their parents' SO's at 15? Who really likes their girlfriend's teenager? You're an adult now and you can approach it as such.

 

I like what Diamond said above. I think that'd be easier.

 

I say call him instead of email if you can't find an email. More personable.

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ABC Family movie....so true!! and I hope there's a happy ending!!

 

 

I think hersmudders has given a good basic intro on what you can say...

 

Just mention that you came accross a picture of him and remembered how great he and your mom were together.....and that you know that your mom really wanted to be with him, but she choose to stay with you (her daughter) instead...That at the time you didn't realize what was really going on, but now that you're older you see that they had something really special and was wondering if he would at least like to reconnect even just as friends with your mom again.

 

I dunno...something!!! lol

 

That's actually pretty good! I'm bad at wording my thoughts sometimes! lol

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