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Almost 4 months of NC...


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Hey there,

Try to think positively. I've been in NC for nearly six months, it's a hugely benefitting process but also a hugely slow process. Give it time.

 

There are many threads posted in this section about people who have broken NC -or their exes have broken NC - and are now feeling awful as a result. Think about how hurt you would feel if you contacted your ex and got no reply. Or if you contacted them and got a hostile response. Or if you heard something about them that hurt you and put you on a massive step back on your healing.

 

Eventually you WILL be okay. Just as there are a lot of posts here from those who are finding it hard to heal and questioning NC, there are also a hellova lot of threads from people coming back to tell us that they've healed and are now really happy in their lives, after some months or a year or so of pain and tough NC.

 

Keep your head up

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Sorry about not being clear, having a moment.

 

I just keep thinking about her and the breakup, it's driving me nuts. Cannot focus on much else. Go to bed thinking about it, wake up thinking about it, thinking about it now.

 

Mainly it's the thought that I broke up with the only person who will ever mean anything to me. Why did I breakup with her? I'm not sure I have a good answer other than it wasn't working anymore. Some of it was my fault, I accept that and some of it was hers. I should have tried harder then at least I wouldn't feel so bad.

 

I'm not about to break NC, that would be a mistake but was hoping that things would be better by now, not worse.

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Sorry about not being clear, having a moment.

 

I just keep thinking about her and the breakup, it's driving me nuts. Cannot focus on much else. Go to bed thinking about it, wake up thinking about it, thinking about it now.

 

Mainly it's the thought that I broke up with the only person who will ever mean anything to me. Why did I breakup with her? I'm not sure I have a good answer other than it wasn't working anymore. Some of it was my fault, I accept that and some of it was hers. I should have tried harder then at least I wouldn't feel so bad.

 

I'm not about to break NC, that would be a mistake but was hoping that things would be better by now, not worse.

 

 

Why would breaking NC be a mistake?

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Why would breaking NC be a mistake?

 

Because I'm not ready to. And it really is over between us.

 

At the moment, just don't feel I can hold much of a conversation with anyone, let alone the ex. Wouldn't know what to say where it would do more harm than good. Funny how someone I used to feel so comfortable with has now become uncomfortable.

 

Just read your other post which helps to see things can get better but nothing much has happened in my life in the last 4 months. Work is not going well, I'm boring my family with the constant conversations about the ex, not a lot of positive. It feels as though time isn't really healing as the pain is constant.

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Because I'm not ready to. And it really is over between us.

 

At the moment, just don't feel I can hold much of a conversation with anyone, let alone the ex. Wouldn't know what to say where it would do more harm than good. Funny how someone I used to feel so comfortable with has now become uncomfortable.

 

Just read your other post which helps to see things can get better but nothing much has happened in my life in the last 4 months. Work is not going well, I'm boring my family with the constant conversations about the ex, not a lot of positive. It feels as though time isn't really healing as the pain is constant.

 

If you feel any part guilty, any part torn up by your actions then I would ecourage you to break NC and apologise.

 

It might not mend your relationship, but reading your posts its almost as if you're saying you don't deserve a great future because you let her go and didn't try.

 

On the other hand, if you feel she owes you an apology then you cannot anticipate one. She may feel too much time has passed, and you really cannot hang around waiting for her to take your pain away with an "I'm sorry".

 

I always say "You've got to go there to come back", which means you have to close old chapters before you can enter new ones.

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If you feel any part guilty, any part torn up by your actions then I would ecourage you to break NC and apologise.

 

It might not mend your relationship, but reading your posts its almost as if you're saying you don't deserve a great future because you let her go and didn't try.

 

 

I'd agree with this, I do feel that I let her down in the end by not giving the impression that I wanted to be with her. The funny thing is that in the first year I was totally committed to the relationship but she did something that made me think about whether she was. One could say grass is greener syndrome. Her action, behind my back, caused her to lose a good job.

 

I think this is the point at which things began to turn where I let up in the relationship and let go, including letting go of my own wellbeing. This is something that has come back to bite me really hard since the split where I ended up seriously ill. So I stayed when I really should have called it a day.

 

Why I say things turned around is that I think because she didn't get a job with her friends in another part of the country. So she came around to us being a couple just as I was beginning to wonder if we should go further.

 

We stayed together for another three years but we weren't committing to the relationship. After 4 years we hadn't got a place of our own or got engaged, which was something she was pushing for (for want of a better way of putting this). I feel that we both should have put up or shut up and not be wishy washy over the important things in the relationship.

 

Do I feel I should apologise? I could apologise but like what you said below, too much time has passed for an apology to help. Kind of feel that we reached the end of relationship a couple of years ago but kept in it because it was comfortable. Eventually, that comfort wasn't enough for either of us. Reconcilliation is not really an option, we both know each others flaws and we were really incompatible. Would it help me? Probably not and don't think it would help her either.

 

On the other hand, if you feel she owes you an apology then you cannot anticipate one. She may feel too much time has passed, and you really cannot hang around waiting for her to take your pain away with an "I'm sorry".

 

I don't feel I need an apology and I don't expect one either.

 

I always say "You've got to go there to come back", which means you have to close old chapters before you can enter new ones.

 

I feel the chapter has closed on us where I accept it is over. Not doing too well on the moving on bit.

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