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Would be healed... if it wasn't for my crappy social life! How does an adult make new friends?


WadeCure
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?
Your Boyfriend Left You - So What?

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A little bit of a vent.

 

I am three months NC with my ex-girlfriend nearly. We had been broken up since mid August. I asked her not to speak to me again yet she checked in on me twice, asked me to get my stuff once, and wished me happy birthday last Tuesday. You know you are in a crappy social situation when the only person to wish you happy birthday is your ex. I honestly think if my social life was better, I would be healed. But I'm not, and I think it really does deal directly with my social situation.

 

I'm simply fed up with my so called "friends." One of my friends in particular is grating my nerves because I have asked him to talk to me many times and have gotten nothing in response. I have come to realize that this friend only contacts when he needs something. His wife got pregnant and he was overjoyed with the news and told me, and I congratulated him. I tried to be a good friend. But when I need something... nothing. So I have decided to go no contact on this person and pretty much cut him out of my life. Unless anybody has any other suggestions. But I'm finding myself without friends. And as a shy person, it's terrible. I bought a ton of Leil Lowndes books from link removed trying to rectify the shyness problem and be able to make new friends. It's a start. Seems like if you don't have MySpace, you cannot be friends. And my ex is on MySpace, and she's all over my friends comment walls - unfortunately there's a bunch of mutual friends in there - and I'm trying to avoid seeing her. Great.

 

But I've come to the point where my crappy social situation is keeping me from healing from my ex. I really do think that this is the thing holding me back. I've almost come to the point where if my ex has another "hey how are you" message (which is possible I guess since she's already shot some to me after I asked her not to talk to me and ignored her until I said "thanks" to her happy birthday message) that I might initiate LC. I almost feel ready for it - just so I can talk to SOMEBODY. It feels pathetic. Plus I already answered her with her happy birthday message, if she contacts me again she's gonna know I'm ignoring her on purpose. If she doesn't know that already. May as well go LC if she contacts again. She may not. I wish I had friends.

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I am very sorry to here about your situation. I was in a similar situation in that all my friends had boyfriends which made it harder for me because I had noone. The friends I did have hardly went out drinking (which is all I wanted to do at the time) and the ones who did weren't into the same place as me as we had different music tastes. Then I started going out with people from work and it all went from there really. Now I have a whole new circle of friends.

 

Is there anyone you could get closer to at work at all? If not there are also clubs you can join or classes where you could meet people with similar interests.

 

Hope this helps.

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To have friends, you have to be a friend. Go out and help someone who has a problem. Volunteer time teaching kids to read or go visit the elderly in retirement homes. Volunteer your time at a food bank. Just do something besides sit in your room! There's a big world full of nice people out there, but you have to meet them, don't you? Don't let shyness stop you. All the things I mentioned do not require social skills, just a big heart.

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Don't do the LC thing. I am in a similar situation. Just broke up, NC with her, and I have few valuable friends. Most just want to get drunk. That is kind of the reason I was so invested in the ex, because it was a chance at a new better life for me.

 

My goal is to get her and my sense of failure out of my head, and any contact right now or until 100% healing takes place is not a good idea.

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