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What is he doing? He keeps having these deep, complex conversations with me...


jhinnako

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I am very confused. My ex keeps having these very deep, dramatic conversations with me lately. They're mostly about him being unhappy with his life. I mean... is he depressed? Doesn't he have anyone else he can tell this stuff too? It's sort of weird to start IM'ing up your ex girlfriend whom you just dumped 2 months ago and talking about serious, life-topics. We only dated two months any way. His reason for dumping me: he saw me as a really good friend but didn't feel like he knew me well enough for what we were.

 

So tonight he logs on AIM and wishes me happy thanksgiving and asks what I did. Then he tells me about his, normal-enough. Then he just blurts out the random deepness: how he feels like he doesn't know himself sometimes. How he feels like he needs to experience more, but not just like going out and doing activities, he says he wants to "feel again". That he feels trapped but he's not sure why or by what. So, trying to be insightful, I ask him if he knows what he feels that he's lacking. He says "love". He's quiet for awhile so I ask him if he's feeling lonely. Then I tell him that oftentimes I feel lonely because I live alone and work a lot. He agrees and says that it makes you stronger.

 

Then he starts talking about how he feels youth is sliping away and that he's starting to feel old and he's distressed by this. Then he starts on another tangent, about how he feels that people see him as unsociable. That he's quiet and to other people, this seems unfriendly. I tell him that he seemed friendly enough when I met him, even before I really knew him. And he says that he feels like he's sitting idley while everyone else is out and about doing things. And how that's depressing because he doesn't feel like he should have to change himself.

 

Then we start talking about love at first sight. I tell him I don't believe in it. He says he's not sure if he believes in it. I tell him it's impossible to have real, selfless, enduring feelings for a stranger and that anything else is infatuation. He agrees. Then we talk about the point of time in which you know whether someone is right for you after starting a relationship. I tell him that it's when the newness wears off and you're able to see the real traits and decide for yourself whether or not they're compatable with your own. He agrees to this also. Then he wishes me happy thanksgiving again and goes to bed. What on earth is up with this??? Is this not very weird???

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Ok, first off, if he is coming to you with this problem he obviosly has or want some kind of connection with you. He is reaching out of his deppresion for help. What is it that he needs? He needs to be happy being single, once he is happy single, passionate about life itself he stumble upon this love he is in search of feeling. He needs a damn awesome hobby a daily work out and some selfconfidence. On the more open minded spectrum he might also want to try puffin some weed if he dosn't already. It will be a nice little bandaid to get him back on his feet lol if he dosn't become dependent on it.

 

That's my opinion

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After 2 months he didnt know you well enough for what you guys were??!!?!??!?

 

Isnt that the whole point of dating? To get to know someone and see if its someone you want to get to know better.

 

Sounds like he needs to mature a bit. I think you should be straight up with him and tell him he needs to find someone else to lay his issues on.

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I don't really think it's fair for him to use you as a sounding board. Afterall, he dumped you, but he still relies on you emotionally? Not good. Would you be interested in him if he wanted to try again? If so, you might need to ask him what his intentions are. If not, I would distance myself from him.

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That's the problem...I was pretty upset when he broke up with me. Though I feel like I've hidden it pretty well. There were a lot of times where I was a mess, but I never let on to him that I've been anything but fine. I felt like he didn't give me a chance. I'm the type of person who takes my time warming up to people. My feelings don't just develop overnight, I need contact-time with the person. This is very important for me. I was upset because I had just decided that I really did like him when he broke up with me. I had been unsure about him in the beginning, kind of take it or leave it, but it felt like as soon as my feelings were solid, it all got ripped out from under me. I know that he doesn't realize what he did, but it hurt a lot. I've spent these 2 months going back and forth between distancing myself from him and being his friend.

 

Lately, he's been reaching out to me though with these depressed sounding convos. This isn't the first time. It started after I didn't speak to him for 2 weeks--that'd been the longest time we'd ever gone without talking. Part of me thinks maybe he's changed his mind and he misses me, or he regrets what happened. Then another part of me thinks that he's over it and feels like he can talk to me like a friend, disreguarding the fact that I'm technically his ex---because he's grown comfortable with the thought of me as a friend. And while flattered that he values my opinion and sees me as a good friend, it stings to hear him talking about being lonely and lacking love when *I* feel that there was the potential between us and HE ended it. He wants with someone, what he effectively took away from me.

 

I'm debating whether or not to send him an apologetic message...just to be out with it. That I do like talking to him and I *am* flattered that he values my opinion and feels like he can open up to me, but that I am still hurt from what happened and because of that I don't think I'm the right person to be talking too about this stuff. That I'm sorry it has to be this way and that I wish him well...

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