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i want more sex!!!!


hiphop3

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my bf and i have been together for 11 months and have lived together for almost 4. for about 6 months our love life was consistent, we had sex probably 4-5x a week, some times even 2x a day, basically every time we hung out. when we moved in together we still would have sex very often. only these past 2 months its declined quite a lot. some times we won't have sex for 4-5 days which drives me insane. i would like to have sex 5x a week. i'm finding it pretty surprising that my bf's sex drive is lower than mine, since he was always the one to initiate and wanted to do it more than i ever did. now he says he's always tired after work and isn't in the mood. is there any way to change this? we've talked about it but it doesn't really go any where.

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most days he sleeps in and i'm the one waking up early, so i don't think it would be fair to wake him up at 6:30am. but on days where he wakes up at 8, i suppose i could waking him up a bit earlier. i'm just concerned that he would tell me to continue letting him sleep instead.

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most days he sleeps in and i'm the one waking up early' date=' so i don't think it would be fair to wake him up at 6:30am. but on days where he wakes up at 8, i suppose i could waking him up a bit earlier. i'm just concerned that he would tell me to continue letting him sleep instead.[/quote']

 

I would be very surprised if he refused and wanted to go back to slepp if you woke him with a BJ

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sometimes i'm nervous that it could be 'something else' too b/c before he had this job, and when we weren't living together, he had a far more physically strenuous job and we still managed to do it all the time. we'd even have morning quickies around 6am. now he has a less physical job and doesn't seem as interested.

 

may this comes with living with some one?

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sometimes i'm nervous that it could be 'something else' too b/c before he had this job, and when we weren't living together, he had a far more physically strenuous job and we still managed to do it all the time. we'd even have morning quickies around 6am. now he has a less physical job and doesn't seem as interested.

 

may this comes with living with some one?

 

He may not be getting enough exercise to produce enough testosterone to keep his libido functioning in top form.

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sometimes i'm nervous that it could be 'something else' too b/c before he had this job, and when we weren't living together, he had a far more physically strenuous job and we still managed to do it all the time. we'd even have morning quickies around 6am. now he has a less physical job and doesn't seem as interested.

 

may this comes with living with some one?

 

Yes that can cause it

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interesting. i didn't know exercise and testosterone co relate. he is a couch potato..

 

It's not just testosterone, exercise has many benefits including helping one feel more alive and more attractive physically which causes the attitude shift to want more sex.

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i've read a lot of posts of people saying it's immature and unfair for some one to get mad when their significant other turns them down for sex. am i being unfair? i don't get mad or throw a fit but my disappointment and hurt is becoming more noticeable.

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i've read a lot of posts of people saying it's immature and unfair for some one to get mad when their significant other turns them down for sex.

 

How is that immature or unfair? Everyone has desires and needs and if they are not being met, you should raise an issue (provided you do so fairly and maturely.. speak to them without sounding accusational, do not just on the offensive, etc.).

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I will add that I experienced something similar as you have. My bf and I were having sex constantly when we lived separately and then when we moved in together it all but stopped. I was shocked and didn't know how to handle it, my bf does not exercise, works long hours, and is always "too tired" sometimes talking is a good and bad thing.

 

I brought it up to him a few times and in those times he either said he "would try and I was right" then nothing at all changed or he would become very defensive and angry at me for bringing our lack of sex life up. I wish I could offer a solution, I've been keeping track on your thread hoping to find some advice as well.

 

So if I was impartial advice giver I would say: talk to him, voice your concerns and then leave it and decide how much having sex on a constant basis is important to you in regards to a relationship.

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i brought it up last night. i think it may have been too soon b/c we had just gotten over another issue regarding sex. all he said was 'do you want me to force myself to have sex with you when i'm not in the mood and am tired?' (obviously not) and 'i'm not the bad guy here' (which he isn't). he also told me to 'stop breaking his balls,' which i kind of get b/c as i said, we just got over a complication that i brought up.

all i could say was 'i'm not the bad guy either, but we haven't had sex in a long time (for me) and i don't think i can be blamed for wanting it more often. i don't understand how when you had a more strenuous job we managed to still have sex more frequently. i just prefer to have sex more often than we are now.'

he apologized but that was it. the conversation didn't really progress any where.

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i've read a lot of posts of people saying it's immature and unfair for some one to get mad when their significant other turns them down for sex. am i being unfair? i don't get mad or throw a fit but my disappointment and hurt is becoming more noticeable.

 

i don't think you are being unfair. My SO and i were having sex like crazy when we first got together and we still have it a fair amount but he doesn't want it as much as i do and it's hard to feel rejected and unwanted by him.

Discrepancy in sex drive is a big issue especially if you value intimacy and getting some!

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Another thing to try to isolate is whether living together is actually part of the problem.

 

I'd bet that if I moved in with a girl my drive would not be maximal. I am the type of person that needs some alone time and if I don't get it, that would get in the way of what desires I would normally feel for a person.

 

Your man could be experiencing something similar.

 

But either way, the stess and/or long hours need to be eliminated first imo. And that will require planning.

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Another thing to try to isolate is whether living together is actually part of the problem.

 

I'd bet that if I moved in with a girl my drive would not be maximal. I am the type of person that needs some alone time and if I don't get it, that would get in the way of what desires I would normally feel for a person.

 

Your man could be experiencing something similar.

 

But either way, the stess and/or long hours need to be eliminated first imo. And that will require planning.

 

he wakes up at 8am and is home at 6:30, having 9hr shifts 5x a week with 2 day weekends.

 

what do you mean that it will require planning?

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he wakes up at 8am and is home at 6:30, having 9hr shifts 5x a week with 2 day weekends.

 

what do you mean that it will require planning?

 

Thanks for the clarification.

 

I know other people have differing views, but I consider that a rather light workload. I don't think those hours should interfere with a healthy and active sex life.

 

After hearing your response, I have to rescind my comment about needing to plan. It looks like time is actually available everyday for sex.

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