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its been 1.5 years, and i see him and cry, why cant we just talk


npc24
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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i can't believe im back on here typing at 3 am LA time.

to those of you who have read my story, you know its a sad one. All this time has passed, and a few weeks ago we even had a brief text exchange then once again when i saw him two nights later he ignored me.

tonight i saw him again. I tried to not look at him, he seemed to try to not look at me, but i could still feel that he was...not delusional in that sense, but just knowing there was a tension in a room of 1,000 people. He was talking to some guy and we found ourselves within close range several times.

I was having a truly good time, but as the night passed i just got sad.

we have been broken up so long, and we were so close, and it was so ugly when he left me, and then i found he cheated or kissed someone else.

he's young and i forgive him that, hes done rotten things to a guy that changed his whole life for him.

the question is, after all this time, when im slightly ready to say hello and exchange a friendly "exchange" why cant he seem to do the same?

He broke up with me, he took my heart and loved it until it nearly popped, and then like that, it ended.

Does he still have remorse, or am i the only one feeling the hurt after all this time, and am i the only one who sees this ghost and thinks about all the wonderful times we shared.

I hear often that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference...is silence and an inability to even say hi, indifference...or is it that my unresolved feelings might be two sided.

Im not looking for an ego stroke, or a "it will be ok" moment. I just cant understand how we just seem to constantly be at odds.

Please dont let me find myself typing on here every day again.

truly sad,

n

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From what you wrote here, you don't really seem to be at odds, but you do seem to be over. His standoffish attitude towards you states that he is clearly not comfortable with even a civil relationship with you. The reasons for that could be many, and unless he gets to a similar place as you and wants to talk, we may never know his reasons.

 

I, like you and many others here, am in the same situation. Left to wonder how you can be so close and then not even on speaking terms. It sucks but that is where the danger lies in relationships.

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If it's been 18 months and you can't move on, then it is time to see a therapist.

 

You are nurturing and keeping your emotion for him just as strong as when he left, but he is obviously moving on with his life. Sadly, that is what happens when someone falls out of love, they find another (or other) people to spend their time and love on. It doesn't mean they didn't love you, it just means they ultimately made other choices for their life that doesn't include you. You are his past now, not his pesent, and he may recognize that you are still deeply hung up on him and contact with you will only encourage you (and he does not want that).

 

Your level of pain after 18 months has gone by is an indication that you are stuck in your grieving, and perhaps suffering from other abandonment fears issues (unrelated to him) that won't let you let him go. The answer for that is counseling.

 

I know it is hard, but what happened has happened, and he is no longer interested in being your special person, and you are driving yourself nuts trying to hang onto this. You need to be kind to yourself and get counseling so someone can help you let go. Wouldn't it be great to wake up happy again? To look at other people with excitement and joy at the possibilities? You will be able to do that if you let him go, and a counselor will help you do that.

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thankyou , let me just state that i do wake up happy. I do have a life and things are really good. My question was just about the fact that i cant understand why the ties that binded us so strongly have no residual affect.

Meaning, is his inability to converse with me out of guilt, fear, hate or indifference?

Like i said, i have let go of our relationship, i just find it strange that alot of people i know, in particular in the gay community, form friendships down the road with their ex's, at least civil ones.

Im wondering why maybe he cant yet. For example we text one another a couple of weeks ago and then i saw him 3 nights later and he ignored me in public, wouldnt say anything but stared at me.

I was in therapy, things are not terrible...its just that unresolved tension id like advice on getting away from.

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thankyou , let me just state that i do wake up happy. I do have a life and things are really good. My question was just about the fact that i cant understand why the ties that binded us so strongly have no residual affect.

Meaning, is his inability to converse with me out of guilt, fear, hate or indifference?

Like i said, i have let go of our relationship, i just find it strange that alot of people i know, in particular in the gay community, form friendships down the road with their ex's, at least civil ones.

Im wondering why maybe he cant yet. For example we text one another a couple of weeks ago and then i saw him 3 nights later and he ignored me in public, wouldnt say anything but stared at me.

I was in therapy, things are not terrible...its just that unresolved tension id like advice on getting away from.

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I think its because you want it so bad still...

 

To you it's very important to be civil. I think friendships form because it reaches a point where it is not so important anymore. Then it happens.

 

When you really and truly let it go... You are not there yet... even though yes you have a life... you haven't put this to rest yet.

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thankyou , let me just state that i do wake up happy. I do have a life and things are really good. My question was just about the fact that i cant understand why the ties that binded us so strongly have no residual affect.

Meaning, is his inability to converse with me out of guilt, fear, hate or indifference?

Like i said, i have let go of our relationship, i just find it strange that alot of people i know, in particular in the gay community, form friendships down the road with their ex's, at least civil ones.

Im wondering why maybe he cant yet. For example we text one another a couple of weeks ago and then i saw him 3 nights later and he ignored me in public, wouldnt say anything but stared at me.

I was in therapy, things are not terrible...its just that unresolved tension id like advice on getting away from.

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But the ties that bind can and do get broken. You can't read his mind as to why he is this way, but if he makes a point of ignoring you in public, it is clear that he wants no current ties with you. You are creating tension for yourself by trying to pursue a friendship with him when he is making clear he doesn't want one.

 

I'm sorry, i don't mean to be harsh, but many people who break up with one another never end up being friends, in fact may never see or talk to each other again. You prefer it not to be that way, but he obviously wants minimal/no contact with you, for his own reasons (that you can't guess so you are creating this problem for yourself by dwelling on it).

 

The key is acceptance. Accept that he's made the decision to not be be your friend. You only create the tension if you continue to pursue him, or get upset if he doesn't respond to you when you want him to.

 

He may be texting to keep you from repeatedly texting him (i.e., a text costs him a second or two, but he doesn't want to meet face to face and start something up again so avoids you).

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no your harshness is good.

i suppose i just have had a moment of weakness with it.

I do still think about him, and i suppose the codependent side wonders if he thinks of me as well. He wanted the friendship and i wasnt ready for it. I'm still not, but i'd like to be able to say hello and move on with my night knowing that its not so ugly in both our minds.

hes young, at 24 now, and is living his life and i want that for him. I'm ready to meet someone else, i suppose it would just be nice to know that the relationship meant something to him, that it affected him too

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