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Question for the shy guys


winter whiteout

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My boyfriend was quite shy when I met him. I genuinley thought he wasnt interested because he was quite monosyllabic, didnt make eye contact...but as i got to know him more he smiled more and talked more and opened up to me.

 

So its a tough one to call, its hard to tell if a shy guy is interested or not.

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Well if I'm not interested in a girl I can naturally just be myself and be more talkative. When I am interested in a girl I'm very shy and self conscious.

 

So unfortunately I end up sending the wrong message either way since I'm not self conscious around the women I have little to no interest in and they may mistake that for interest whereas I'm self conscious around the women I am interested in and they may mistake that for disinterest.

 

Now if she expresses interest in me and I'm not interested I'll usually just tell her that I already have a girlfriend or that I'm married or that I'm gay or I may purposely act in ways that I know will turn her off. This way I don't hurt her feelings and I don't give her false hope that there's a chance in the future either.

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Hm. Well, in order to get a good answer from that, you'd also need to know how said shy guy would react if he were interested. Since, yanno, every one is different in how they'd handle a situation. Me, if I were interested, I'd still be shy about it, and I'd try to either get her to make the first move, or give me a really really super in-your-face obvious sign that she's interested. If I WEREN'T interested, though... Well, I'd probably completely avoid her altogether. Reason is, as silly as this sounds, I don't think I have it in me to "reject" some one, so I wouldn't want to allow myself to be put into a situation where I'd ever have to do that.

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. Well, I'd probably completely avoid her altogether. Reason is, as silly as this sounds, I don't think I have it in me to "reject" some one, so I wouldn't want to allow myself to be put into a situation where I'd ever have to do that.

 

I have a hard time rejecting people too because I know what it feels like to be rejected. Next time a girl expresses interest in you that you have no interest in just purposely act in a way that will turn her off.

 

Tell her that you are unemployed and broke or go out on 1 date but just don't make an effort to dress nice. This way you won't have to reject her. She'll take off running on her own.

 

Hey I'm sure some women have tried to reject me in the past by purposely doing things that they know would turn me off and set it up to where I dump them. Two can play at that game.

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I'm quite shy to girl I like. But I do make a commitment to try to get to know her as best as I could (to make myself readily available). It's hard though cause I have my own already overwhelmed life to handle. Sometimes the way we express ourselves is not how we wish to come accross either so wrong signal is sent.

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I cannot tell you a single time in my life that a girl has shown interest in me. I'm nearly 28 and not unattractive, either according to appearance or according to personality. thereforee, it is likely (but not certain) that some girls have shown an interest in me. But I don't recognize it.

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I'm a shy guy, and if I liked a girl I'd probably at least try and talk to her. Most shy guys won't show direct interest (flirt) but they might talk to the girl and try and be friendly. Shy guys are shy because they aren't aggressive as most other guys, and thereforee will have more subtle ways of showing interest. If I'm especially shy and I'm talking to the girl I usually ask too many questions, lol, and try and relate to her; maybe try and get her to laugh. I think most shy guys just plain aren't aggressive so you have to look for more passive, friendly gestures from them. If I'm not interested in a girl, I usually will only talk to her if she talks to me, and even then I usually won't be very social with her.

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I cannot tell you a single time in my life that a girl has shown interest in me. I'm nearly 28 and not unattractive, either according to appearance or according to personality. thereforee, it is likely (but not certain) that some girls have shown an interest in me. But I don't recognize it.

You are probably just bad at reading signals. I am also - and I doubt what you say it entirely true also. I bet you have received plenty of attention from girls you find unattractive.

 

To the OP: I would act in the exact way that would be shooting myself in the foot. If I was interested, I would try to play it cool and act like I wasn't interested - but be at loss for words most the time. If I wasn't interested, I'd be a lot more open and seem smooth almost. There are occasionally girls that I like, that I'm so sure would never consider me - that I am actually able to be that smooth, funny guy around them, though. Weird, huh!

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If I am not attracted to the women I can act myself, and much more open. I have almost zero problems having a conversation with women that I am not attracted to.

 

If I am attracted to the women, I’ll try to hide it. I’ll often come off as completely disinterested. If I do happen to have a conversation I am almost always at a loss for words, and usually really awkward toward her.

 

I think I am similar to Tom too. I am certainly not unattractive physically and personality wise. I also can’t really tell you of a single time in my life that a girl has shown any interest in me, maybe two if I think really really hard. I absolutely can’t tell if a girl is interested in me, unless she is practically wearing a sign on her head. Then my shyness got in the way and drives them away.

 

You are probably just bad at reading signals. I am also - and I doubt what you say it entirely true also. I bet you have received plenty of attention from girls you find unattractive.

 

Good point. Now that I think about it I have gotten attention from girls that I am not attracted too. I guess it is just hard to read signals from people we are attracted to because our shyness blinds us. Then when I do manage to see some signals my shyness gets in the way, and they become not interested anymore.

 

I love this forum. I learn something new about myself everyday. Thanks.

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To the OP: I would act in the exact way that would be shooting myself in the foot. If I was interested, I would try to play it cool and act like I wasn't interested - but be at loss for words most the time. If I wasn't interested, I'd be a lot more open and seem smooth almost. There are occasionally girls that I like, that I'm so sure would never consider me - that I am actually able to be that smooth, funny guy around them, though. Weird, huh!

 

I'm the same way, If I like a girl I would act uninterested

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… and I doubt what you say it entirely true also. I bet you have received plenty of attention from girls you find unattractive.

 

Well, if you go back to the first grade, there was one girl … but it wasn't so much that I found her unattractive as that she was a girl. She wasn't subtle, though. She physically chased me.

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There is one advantage to dating shy guys. They don't like to talk about themselves and they don't want to be the center of attention. They would rather talk about the girl's life interests.

 

This is a good quality. Most women would be more turned off if a guy just talked about himself more than asking her questions about herself.

 

Shy guys are more likely to exercise humility and put the woman's needs first.

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How would you act around her if you were not interested?

 

If I was not interested, I would not communicate with her. I'd simply ignore her, unless for some reason I was forced to talk to her.

 

How would you act around her if you were interested?

 

If I was interested, I would try to make conversation with her by asking her about topics such as school and interests, however I'd initially hesitate on asking her. Also, I would look at her a lot while she isn't looking over at me.

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In my experience men who are truly shy deep down are very awkward and completely anxiety ridden around a girl they like and they will at times ignore or avoid her until they become more able to handle it...women they don't like or are not attracted to they can talk and talk and talk to with no problem what so ever!!!! If he can talk to a girl he likes freely and with great ease HE'S NOT THAT SHY then.

 

My question is..what do you do to make an extremely shy man/woman more comfortable and able to be themselves with a girl/guy they obviously like????

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depends... cos guys, esp. shy guys like me, are WICKED bad at reading signals.

 

women often think they are being so obvious, and the men have NO idea.

 

what did you do to show interest? do you know he knows you are interested? cos if he's not showing it back (which must be why you are asking), he prob. has no idea.

 

Men are not subtle. if you can't tell we are interested, we're probably not.

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I also think that if a woman is really interested in me she will make an effort to make it obvious that she is interested so that I would feel comfortable talking to her.

 

So yeah if I like a girl but I'm too shy then I try my hardest to hide it unless she is making it obvious that I'm welcome to interact with her.

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She Stares at Me From Distance but ...
She Stares at Me From Distance but Ignores Me: Reasons & How to React

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