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Learning to forgive. The absolute best advice I was ever given when suffering from an extremely broken heart.

 

Many times in my life I came accross people who caused me hurt, but nothing came close to the pain caused when the ‘love of my life’ walked away.

 

Forgiving someone who has caused you so much pain is the most difficult thing in life you can do, but the rewards in doing so are endless.

 

I have found the following article written by Susan Russo which explains learning to forgive in a far better way than I ever could. Please read, even if your mind is closed off to the idea at this point in time.

 

I hope this brings some comfort to you.

 

link removed

 

"When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive." -Alan Paton

 

As you are going through the various stages of healing yourself after the end of a relationship; many people stumble when trying to get through this very crucial stage: Learning to forgive.

 

Depending on your circumstances, forgiveness may seem impossible to you right now. You've probably endured a lot of heartache and pain while going through this process and the blame and or guilt that you may be experiencing can keep you stuck from moving forward.

 

Whether you blame the other person or have guilt and you beat yourself up over it, learning to forgive will put you on the right path. It will be a gift you give to yourself.

 

Even though you may not feel capable of forgiveness right now; the sooner you do this...the sooner you will...let go for good. You have to learn how to forgive the other person. But...first...you have to forgive yourself!

 

If you've made mistakes, forgive yourself and go on. There is nothing you can do now to change the past, but you can affect your future.

 

Forgiving yourself takes the pressure off of you for not being perfect. And, it gets rid of guilt. You must learn to forgive yourself before you can forgive others.

 

We are all on a journey through life. Sometimes we make mistakes, which is part of a normal process on this journey. The mistakes that we make can result in painful experiences; these are the "lessons of life." But, it is through these trials that we learn the most.

 

The key is learning something from what has caused you pain so as not to repeat the same mistakes again. Walk away from this situation with the knowledge that you are stronger and smarter. Forgiving will open that door.

 

Second, forgive him or her. If you don't, you will be holding onto the past. You may carry anger and resentment around with you which will hurt you...more than them.

 

Harbouring negative emotions can make you bitter and resentful. It can and will permeate all areas of your life and it makes it more difficult to enjoy today.

 

Not forgiving keeps you trapped exactly where you don't want to be... holding onto memories of the past. Every time you begin to think of this person; what they did or didn't do, what you said or didn't say, consciously release them from your mind. Let these thoughts go and fill your mind with thoughts of goodness and the things that you are looking forward to experiencing in your life.

 

Gaining control of your thoughts, releasing all of the negative memories and releasing all of the imagined confrontations you could have with this person will be the beginning of letting go of what is behind you and moving on to a better future.

 

You can't change the past but you can make a significant difference in how you approach what's ahead of you. Stay focused on the positive. Stay focused on what you want, not on what you had that didn't work.

 

Once you find forgiveness you will regain control of you life. It's your choice!

 

 

 

 

 

This Too Shall Pass

 

If I can endure for this minute

Whatever is happening to me,

No matter how heavy my heart is

Or how dark the moment may be-

If I can remain calm and quiet

With all the world crashing about me,

Secure in the knowledge God loves me

When everyone else seems to doubt me-

If I can but keep on believing

What I know in my heart to be true,

That darkness will fade with the morning

And that this will pass away, too-

Then nothing in life can defeat me

For as long as this knowledge remains

I can suffer whatever is happening

For I know God will break all of the chains

That are binding me tight in the darkness

And trying to fill me with fear-

For there is no night without dawning

And I know that my morning is near.

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I think that the key element in the instrument of forgiveness comes in accepting what is right now.

 

As stated in KrayzieBeautiful's post, the past is only and memory. You cannot change and trying to bring it with you into the present moment is a dysfunctional act that we all are guilty of.

 

In the act of accepting what is happening in this moment, the past becomes a memory and is "forgiven".

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Sorry, I didn't really think it needed to be stressed that this in no way should be taken as a tactic for reconciliation. This is purely for healing purposes.

 

I had trouble forgiving myself for the longest time too. I held on to so much guilt for the things I had done. Then it occurred to me (or should I say when I finally listened to what I was being told). We are only human. We all make mistakes. It doesn't matter how big or small they are. This is how we learn. If you feel guilt for your mistakes, all that means is you have a good heart, and you know right from wrong. Forgive yourself, and let go of the pain.

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