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attention girls: don't do this


fivespot

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I am so ******* angry right now.

 

Now I see why you aren't supposed to put all your eggs in one basket while dating.

 

So how about I'm dating this girl, but she's acting all flakey. We go out once, but she cancels all of our other dates and she starts avoiding all my phone calls. So finally I send her a text and tell her I need to talk to her.

 

She calls back and I eventually get it out of her that she's seeing someone else...from before I even asked her out. So I blow $80 on dinner and almost a month of worrying and stressing to find out she's just * * * * ing me around.

 

I'm not mad that she's seeing someone else. I'm mad because she led me on when she could have just told me she was seeing someone else from the very beginning.

 

So pay attention girls...if a guy is pursuing you and you're seeing someone else and you have no intention of being serious with this other guy, have the common courtesy to tell him right away. Maybe that isn't any of his business right at the start, but personally, I think that is vital information and the guy should decide whether or not to play along after finding out. If you ask me, this is a low-ball maneuver on my date's part. Don't try to spare him his feelings. If you tell him up front, he still may want to be your friend someday, as opposed to my sentiments at this moment

 

I guess this applies to guys too, but since I am a guy and I don't do this...and since this has happened to me twice to me already...I guess I'm just venting.

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sucks. 80 bucks is a lot. i wouldn't let a guy pay for the date if i had no intentions with him.

 

Thanks...well, it was only $40 for her, $40 for me...

 

So maybe it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be...but I'm still really bummed. And not about the money :sad:

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Your hurt, I understand that. But it seems to me she was backing off fast letting you know she wasn't going to be that person for you. And then responded to you when you asked. I don't feel like she did much wrong. To me it sounds like she was trying to be a good person in a misguided way. So, you know, you should get over it.

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Thanks...well, it was only $40 for her, $40 for me...

 

So maybe it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be...but I'm still really bummed. And not about the money

 

yea i'd be too. i wouldn't do that in the first place, but i mean... i'd at least spare his pocket! heh.. what a thoughtless girl.

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Your hurt, I understand that. But it seems to me she was backing off fast letting you know she wasn't going to be that person for you. And then responded to you when you asked. I don't feel like she did much wrong. To me it sounds like she was trying to be a good person in a misguided way. So, you know, you should get over it.

 

i thought that at first, but since she let him pay for her. i don't think she was thinking of him when she say yes. i think she mostly felt uncomfortable saying no and it was to spare her feelings, not his.

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Well and now you know also to never keep pursuing a girl that acts flakey and avoids your calls for a month. It's almost a 100% guarantee that there is someone else(new romance, ex) out there that is preoccupying their time. Someone that is truly available and interested won't act this way towards you. It will be mutual.

 

Sorry you had to experience this with someone you liked, but you're now a little more seasoned because of it. Next time, don't waste your time(and the 40 bucks).

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Your hurt, I understand that. But it seems to me she was backing off fast letting you know she wasn't going to be that person for you. And then responded to you when you asked. I don't feel like she did much wrong. To me it sounds like she was trying to be a good person in a misguided way. So, you know, you should get over it.

 

Why didn't she just say she was seeing someone else instead of giving me her number and telling me she'd love to go out with me? I think there's a lot wrong with what she did.

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Your hurt, I understand that. But it seems to me she was backing off fast letting you know she wasn't going to be that person for you. And then responded to you when you asked. I don't feel like she did much wrong. To me it sounds like she was trying to be a good person in a misguided way. So, you know, you should get over it.

 

Nah, she didn't have the guts to be straightforward with him.

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I think you need to chill. You know why because it happens all the time, to guys and girls alike. You spent money but perhaps she (figuratively any girl) slept with him only be to led on.

 

You don't know she wasn't at least OPEN to the idea of sating/ being exclusive at the end of the day she just choose him. That is called dating. She very well could have been open to being exclusive with you one day so she went on a date with you and didn't get that vibe, so she picked the other one. DATING...

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Nah, she didn't have the guts to be straightforward with him.

 

Uhh cancelling dates is a very good indication she's not into you- you should have took the hint then. She did nothing wrong, she was seeing someone, non-exclusively obviously, and dated another (the OP) in the end, she choose the guy she was already seeing. THAT'S DATING folks!

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You are the same guy that was described by a girl as "too nice" right? Hopefully now you can understand and learn from this. I think you were also told repeatedly not to confront this girl and ask what was up but instead just stop calling her and make her take the next move.

 

So apparently this woman played you! I know I am going to get a lot of heat for saying this but personally I believe that a woman is interested in me only on the basis of the level of physical intimacy. Nothing else. If you had kissed her after the first date you would have known where you stood. If she really was not into you she would not return the kiss and you would have got your answer instead of like after a month of stressing and worrying.

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Uhh cancelling dates is a very good indication she's not into you- you should have took the hint then. She did nothing wrong, she was seeing someone, non-exclusively obviously, and dated another (the OP) in the end, she choose the guy she was already seeing. THAT'S DATING folks!

 

I agree and stated that he'll know for next time. But she could at least have returned his call earlier instead of waiting a month and keeping him in limbo.

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If that's dating then I'm done dating. She gave perfectly reasonable explanations as to why she had to cancel.

 

Bottom line is she had no intention of dating me seriously, but she led me on anyway. I think there's something wrong with that.

 

 

Completely agree. I've been lead on like this with legitimate cancellations only to find out that she is dating someone else. The bad part is that she still calls me and wants to hang out. Um no.

 

It's just a little consideration for the other person that some women lack. Perhaps she was keeping you around just in case new guy turned out to be a jerk.

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If that's dating then I'm done dating. She gave perfectly reasonable explanations as to why she had to cancel.

 

Bottom line is she had no intention of dating me seriously, but she led me on anyway. I think there's something wrong with that.

 

 

Can I ask what exactly she did to lead you on? Other than not state explicitly that she wasn't going to date you? One dinner does not a serious dater make.

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Can I ask what exactly she did to lead you on? Other than not state explicitly that she wasn't going to date you? One dinner does not a serious dater make.

 

Why didn't she just say she was seeing someone else instead of giving me her number and telling me she'd love to go out with me?

 

This is the reason and then when he did call she gave him some good reasons that she had to cancel when she should have just told him the truth or not picked up.

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All right, I came here mostly to vent and I appreciate the comments from those who stood by me.

 

But this is getting ridiculous. Of course I didn't tell her I'll only take her out if she's not seeing anyone else. That's not the point!

 

The point is she wasted my time and money and could have made things much better on the both of us by her just being up front and honest with me.

 

I would have lost interst in her if I knew she was dating someone else. This wasn't fair to me! How do you people not see this???

 

She KNEW she wasn't going to take me seriously but she led me on anyway! And I don't buy that crap for a second that maybe she considered something serious with me but then changed her mind. You don't change your mind. You either know right off the bat or you don't if you are interested. And if she was with someone beforehand, WHICH SHE WAS, then she should have told me.

 

I usually appreciate any comments from everyone, good or bad. But not this time. If you people have to constantly argue and throw things up in my face and make me feel like I'm the bad guy and I shouldn't be angry, then the world truly is in a sad state and I think it's better that you don't reply at all.

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look, i understand why you are frustrated. it's like applying for a job and they already have it filled. i get it. but then again, you didn't tell her the reason you wanted to take her out to dinner was to have a relationship with her, right? i don't think either of you are the 'bad guy' in this situation. besides - at least it was only 1 dinner. it's not like you were dating her for 5 months before discovering she had another guy.

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The point is she wasted my time and money and could have made things much better on the both of us by her just being up front and honest with me.

 

I would have lost interst in her if I knew she was dating someone else. This wasn't fair to me! How do you people not see this???

 

She KNEW she wasn't going to take me seriously but she led me on anyway! And I don't buy that crap for a second that maybe she considered something serious with me but then changed her mind. You don't change your mind. You either know right off the bat or you don't if you are interested. And if she was with someone beforehand, WHICH SHE WAS, then she should have told me.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so upset about this, but I have to say I really don't understand your viewpoint.

 

Many people, both male and female, casually date more than 1 person at a time, until things get serious with one of the people that they are dating. It's pretty common. You seem to be of the opinion that she should not have accepted an invitation to go out to dinner unless she was not seeing anyone else, but I don't think that is a particularly realistic way to look at dating, especially a first date.

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I'm sorry you're feeling so upset about this, but I have to say I really don't understand your viewpoint.

 

Many people, both male and female, casually date more than 1 person at a time, until things get serious with one of the people that they are dating. It's pretty common. You seem to be of the opinion that she should not have accepted an invitation to go out to dinner unless she was not seeing anyone else, but I don't think that is a particularly realistic way to look at dating, especially a first date.

 

She's obviously getting pretty serious with this other guy or else she would have given us both an equal chance, no? The way I see it, she only saw me as a plan b the whole time.

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