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How do you tell someone you need some space?


andromeda86

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I love my boyfriend very much, even though there is a huge age difference between us (18-19 years). Ever since we got together things have been AMAZING. The problem is, we are seeing each other *everyday*, and I am the type of person who needs a lot of time to themselves. That's how I recharge. I want to tell him that I need a few nights off, but I don't want to hurt him. He is so sweet, but the truth is it is wearing on me.

 

Also, my last relationship was abusive, and in a lot of ways it started out just like this one (tons of gifts, seeing each other everyday, showering me with love and attention, etc.). I know that this man is not abusive. He has been my best friend for 2 years and I have observed him in every possible situation, and he always responds with patience and thoughtfulness. But all this attention still makes me feel uneasy.

 

How should I tell him I need some space without him thinking he's losing me?

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Just be honest with him. Communication is KEY. If you're upfront and honest, explaining why it is you feel you need some time to yourself, he should understand. Reaffirm your feelings for him and ensure he knows that this is by no means something that is going to lead to the end of the relationship. If you're really spending all your waking moments together, then he should totally be ok with you asking for 'you' time.

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Do you have friends you can go out with? People you can see? A hobby to do? Just tell him that you need time for other things, make a dinner date with someone, a movie date, and then just say "I have a few things planned with some friends this weekend, can we get together next week?"

 

Or just be honest. Feelings have never been hurt in my relationship when we just flat out say "I'm taking a personal day.." or that I'd like a few days to myself. Why not just be honest, express that you're actually a person who likes her alone time and needs some just to recenter. A person shouldn't have a hard time expressing their desire for a day or two apart from their partner.

 

Or just say "You know what x, today has just been one of those days, I think I'd like to have a night to myself..."

 

If he thinks that he's losing you because you want a night or two to just hang out, then I think there's other problems going on.

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