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Communication regarding ex's


bubbles3

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I am engaged to be married and asked my fiance if he would tell me when he contacts or is contacted by his ex so I don't find out from other people. I do not want him going behind my back as I feel ommissions are a form of lying. He responded in anger accusing me of being controlling and if he conceded he would open the door for further controlling on my part once we were married. I tried to reassure him that this would not be the case and he agreed in anger to my request but assured me it would be the first and last time he would do so. I thought the request was fair and would only ask something if I was prepared to give back the same. We both have grown up kids and have very little need to contact our ex's in regards to the kids.

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It could be a lot of things, it could be nothing. The most important thing you can do in this situation is to discuss how you feel as calmly and rationally as possible. The aim should not be to "impose" or "demand" behavior from him, but to have him understand how you feel about it, and come up with his own solutions about how to make you feel better.

 

I kind of can see where he is coming from here, a little. I believe you cannot demand anything from a person - particularly someone you love. All you can do (and all you should do) is tell the person how you feel, and provide the mechanisms for them to make you happy.

 

You want to know when he contacts his ex, so you don't find out from someone else. Have you explored the reasons you want to know this? The issue that really matters - is why. Why do you need to know before someone else tells you? Why does talking to his ex matter? There may indeed be legitimate answers to all these, but so far you other half has highlighted that he (rightly or wrongly) sees it simply as a method of control. I don't like being told who I can and can't contact either, its quite natural, but possibly something you didn't consider he might feel.

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What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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