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she's torn between both of us...i don't wanna be the one whos hurt


agoodguy8487

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well here goes. me and my girlfriend broke up recently. it was over some stupid * * * * and now we both know that we have strong feelings for eachother. however, her best friend of two years i guess (i really question his motives of friendship) decided to seize the opportunity of her being single and now he's in the picture. apparently he's always had feelings for her or whatever. well the problem now is that she is torn between getting back together with me or starting something new with him. our problem and i think is what's keeping us separated now is that we argue way too much. she doesn't really argue with the other guy at all and i've noticed why. it's because he just gives into whatever she says. he doesn't have a spine. i try sticking up for myself when wrongfully accused and it's labeled as arguing. but none the less she is a very sweet girl. and unfortunately i've fallen in love with her, i say unfortunately because it would be so much easier to walk away if i were not in love. and now she is leaning towards getting together with this other guy. because we had a pretty bad blow out last night. what can i do to try and resolve conflict before it escalates into an argument. should i just lie there and take it for now. because i know she is just testing me. i just want her back. i know it sounds like im whipped but i'm convinced that me and this girl are meant to be together. maybe wishful thinking idk. someone give me good advice please. i want her back and that's all.

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If you're arguing all the time, it is usually a sign of a deeper issue. Really give this some thought. Also, don't think of arguing as standing up for yourself. Whenever it looks like you are headed towards disagreement, ask yourself this question: "What is more important to me: winning an argument, or showing this girl that I love her?"

 

My ex and I argued all the time too, and it was a large part of what brought our relationship to an end. Since you can't control her or what she does, focus on what you can do to avoid arguing. I think the 2 primary ways that guys cause arguments are to 1) play devil's advocate, and 2) try to fix her problems. Women want to be listened to and to have their feelings validated. Often times, they are looking for points of common interest or belief between you, since those things make her feel closer to you. Instead of trying to solve her problems, or show her that she is wrong, work hard to focus on the parts of what she says that you agree with. Ask her questions about her feelings. Tell her you understand her, and that you can definitely see why she feels the way she does. It took getting dumped for me to see how silly and unhelpful I was being. Just be mindful of your actions.

 

Also, I would go NC. Don't stick around while she tries to make up her mind. If you stick around, you're more likely to do something to push her further toward the other guy. The best way to help her make up her mind is to let her see what life is like without you in it.

 

Good luck bud.

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thanks for that advice that sounds like it might just work. i've been thinking to myself maybe the best thing is to think before i speak. hopefully i'll be seeing her tonite (she needs some help with writing a paper) and i'll give it a try. like i said she says alot of crazy things to try and upset me. i guess it's been a test. i'll do what i can to avoid confrontation. but thanks again. it's nice to hear something hopeful other then "o just cut her loose"

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Is this an adult relationship? Have you been doing the wild thing with your girlfriend, is this other guy doing the wild thing with your girlfriend? You didn' say, and since this site has no age limit its a question that needs to be asked.

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honestly man...id say make her decision for her...tell her your not going to wait for some decisions so your making it for her, but tell her when she gets bored with this guy and let her know she will because its inevitable she will if this guy has liked her from the start and has settled for friends for 2 years...and depending on what you want you let her know when she has gotten bored and misses everything we had that made life exciting that you hope you will not have moved on or you tell her straight that when she realizes this to know you will have moved on and for her not to bother. Either way you take your dignity with you and in the long run that will help u to heal the fastest...when she does realize her mistake depending on how you left you can reevaluate things then.

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