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Hi,

 

Its been a few weeks since i posted about my breakup. ( we were together for over 4 years, and knew each other for 5). The initial breakup and events that led up to it, can be seen in one of my previous posts( i think i've only got one). ( i dont know why it won't let me put the link in)

 

 

After about 3 weeks of being apart, i ran into my ex's father (whom really likes me, and always did), told me that i should try to get my ex to come out and meet me to hangout and talk. I thought he was nuts, and she'd never do it, but she ended up coming with me to the park for a while, then went to dinner with me.

 

After the initial reconnect, we would talk on and off every couple of days. After about 4 weeks of being apart, she calls me up and tells me she wants to talk. She tells me that she woke up on this particular day, and finally confronted herself about wanting to get back together with me, but she felt that 4 weeks apart was not enough time for her to iron the problems she had, and "find what makes her happy". I took this as a good thing, but it never really materialized into anything.

 

We talk on and off every couple of days in the meantime. The after about 6 weeks into the breakup, she calls me and says that we can't continue to talk to each other because it is not helping either one of us come to any closure, or decide what is right for us. Meanwhile, this whole time, she has my jet ski in her garage. I keep asking her if i should come and get it, and she says it is fine, and not to worry about it. ( i feel like she was holding onto it, as something to hold me with).

 

2 days after her telling me we shouldn't talk to her, i call her up and tell her i want the jet ski, and i wanna cut ties with her completely. She starts crying, telling me to come inside and talk about it. ( i dont get the jet ski) We end up talking for like 2 hours, and the whole time, she is sitting on my lap, or holding onto to me, and rubbing my hair and things like that. She tells me one of her classmates asked her out to dinner, but she told him no because " he reminded me of you, and why would i date him, when i could have you?". She also tells me one of her friends was sick of her talking about this breakup, and that she needed "figure this out on her own, and quit talking about it." ( I feel this is good, that it is working on her mind so much after 6 weeks into the breakup, that she still talks about it)

 

She asked me when my company christmas party was, because it was something we looked forward to every year, and said " maybe if we're back together by then, we could go". She also told me that she told one of her friends "if we could just be happy on our own for a while apart, then we could give things another try." I leave her apartment just knowing that i need to " work on myself for a while" and we'll talk at thanksgiving time.

 

I end up talking to her a couple days later telling her that i just can't keep waiting a few weeks for her to figure things out and she tells me, its not fair for me to wait around for her ( but i feel as though she wants me to). She says we shouldn't talk for a few weeks to figure things out.

 

I bump into her last night, and she asks me how i'm doing, i say i'm ok, and i bluntly ask her if this breakup is permanent, and she says, " its for now". (she had also said when we initially broke up that it was "for now". She says i need to work on me for a while, and she needs to work on her right now. I feel like this is not actually permanent. She just keeps saying, i need to give her time and space (which we haven't given each other, because we talk every few days). She answers every time i call, and vice versa. The other night i talked to her on the phone, and was supposed to call her when i got home and i fell asleep and forgot. She called me 7 times that night, and i finally answer the phone at like 4am, and she's hysterically crying worried that i didn't make it home. ( she knows i'm very sad, and i just drive my car around all night and listen to music to pretty much just vent).

 

Everytime i see her, she says that it won't be the last time i see her. I feel like she has some kind of agenda. She tells me shes having a hard time with me gone, and goes out with her girlfriends all the time, just to fill the void i had in her life. I think she just wants to get through her schoolwork ( she is done in 3 weeks for good), and then maybe she'll revisit things with me. She admitted that she is having a hard time concentrating on school thinking about things between us. ( i think this is a good thing, that she is still thinking about me all the time).

 

We left it last night with, she'll talk to me when she is done with school, and we'll get lunch. I feel like pulling back and giving her the next 3-4 weeks to herself may allow her to come the realization that she wants to make things work with me. I know i've said my piece, and i know deep down she wants to make it work, but isn't sure.

 

 

Does it look to the average reader here that i have any kind of chance with her? It is obvious she is confused about what she wants, and i know it's not fair for me to sit around and wait, but i feel like if i have to suck it up for a few months, to save the relationship with the girl i love, and for her to work through whatever internal battles she is fighting, it is worth it.

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You dont need to wait around for someone who isnt sure about what they want from you. I think she is done with it. Why should you wait around? What if it takes three months.

 

Generally when someone isnt sure about you they wont be for a long time or if ever.

 

Are you willing to put your life on hold?

 

Maybe teach her she cant play you around, go NC, disappear out of her life and see if that brings her to her senses, if it doesnt, let it go. Give her the space she wants.

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this is from your other thread:

 

My girlfriend broke up with me 10 days ago because she wanted to be independent, and do things "on her own".

 

i think by seeing her every few days or weeks, she really isn't getting to experience what life without you is like. she gets a taste of it every once in a while. what i think you need to do is give her complete distance and space - no emails, calls, etc.... in that time, she'll either realize she can't live without you, or maybe she will realize that she's happier without you. and say if she doesn't come back to you within, i dunno - 3,4 months, you should move on for good. i think she won't truly miss you and realize what she is missing out on if you pop into her life whenever she wants it. she needs to experience life without you, the good and the bad.

 

in the meantime, you should sit and think if you really want to be with someone who is so unsure about you!

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i think you also need to tell her something along the lines of "next week, i want to pick up my skis, either you or your dad can be there, but i need to pick them up. then i will give you the space that you have asked for, so you can have time to decide what you want. but we will be in no contact.'

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I agree with Annie... Definitely go & get your ski's hands down, and give her complete NC to figure things out...

 

She will never decide if things continue "wishy washy-ish" as they are....

 

Not that this will happen (you seem very in love with her still) but you never know... if someone you found yourself connected to asked you out for a coffee (or you felt the urge vice versa) during her "deciding" time for those several weeks, then if I were in your shoes I'd go. That way you are not putting your life on hold (& thus feeling resentful in that way) but at the same time leaving the door possibly open to your current situation woman as well...

 

Good luck...

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Dude, you just spelled out pretty much everything that just happened to me. I lived with the girl for 10 months, she had a ring, we had a house, blah blah blah. Then she tells me we moved to fast, and we need time apart (we did move too fast). I move out, and am devastated. Everytime I went to move on, she would tug on a string. My hopes would get up, and then shattered when she said i was "pushing too much." I can tell you where this is going to end. Right now I am on this site looking for solice. Why? Because last night I caught her ex b/f at her house, while I was out working (I am a cop). He parked in her garage, all sneakily. Here's the kicker: we went to dinner earlier that evening. She told me everything. She was not emotionally all there, and she just wanted "no strings attached" sex. So here I am. She just texted me asking how I was, and as you may know, I am damn near unfunctioning. So, that is what will happen. I gave her everything, and she gave me a broken heart. Get out now while you still have the benefit of not having the cheating card played. I am telling you, it sucks.

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I bumped into her father today at the grocery store, and we spoke for about 10 minutes, and was advised by him to just sit back and let things play out over the holidays. He is pulling for me for sure, and came right out and said it, but like he said, shes going to do what she wants.

 

The holidays is certainly a tough time to be alone, thats for sure. I feel that there is at least some feelings still there for me, I've just got to let them come to the surface.

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Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch T...
Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch This!

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