Jump to content

Presents -- when times are hard


Applewhite

Recommended Posts

He's recently revealed that he is in debt. I don't know to what extent and I don't want to push him. I just let him know when/if he wants to tell me I would be curious to know and left it at that. He hasn't mentioned it since.

 

I also know he is big on presents. He's already bought me an expensive present months ago, and now my birthday is coming up (not to mention the holidays too). I know he keeps planning a big day and I feel he wants to spend money on an expensive gift too. I have told him several times that we don't have to do anything special, but he will anyway. How do I tell him not to buy an expensive gift without hurting him or being awkward?

 

I would seriously be happy with a box of chocolates or a cupcake (or two!)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You've done what you can by telling him. Or maybe you can take the lead in planning your day. Say you'd really just like a quiet night in making dinner together and renting a movie or something. If he doesn't take the hint and still plans something expensive, that's up to him. You can't control how he spends his money.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love to buy presents for my loved ones, but this year I'm especially broke, and have told everyone that I just can't afford it. My bf and I aren't even getting each other anything. It feels weird, but presents aren't the important thing. Just tell him that you don't want or need anything, and hope that he gets the message.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is something that I really think may fall on deaf ears unless you take it seriously.

 

How are you saying "We don't have to do anything special?" In a casual conversation, while doing other things, as a general comment?

 

Or have you sat down and said "I've been thinking and I really want you to listen. I know you are having troubles financially and I would really like for you to not do anything for..." etc etc. Sitting down and having a specific conversation about this issue, may work as opposed to "No, don't do anything big..I don't need anything big.." while browsing through the mall, or during commercials on tv.

 

Sitting him down and making a specific discussion on this may work as opposed to throwing general comments.

 

I had to do this with my boyfriend. He's been wanting to spend considerable amount to get me a lapto for Christmas/Birthday [they fall on the same day for me..] and I've come to accept his desire for spending quite a bit on this holiday every year, but he was defintely pushing it this year in my comofrt level. I had to finally sit him down and say "I don't need the biggest and the best when it comes to this gift, I would appreciate it if you..." etc. and explained what I was comfortable receiving in terms of the amount spent on a laptop.

 

I was throwing comments around generally, and it wasn't until I made it a serious conversation that he took my words to heart and is respecting my wishes on my the giftts this year.

 

Just think about how to present it to him, and explain it. I don't think this is something that would be awkward, or upset someone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know what you suggest is the grown up way to do it. but I just can't bring myself to have that 'serious' conversation. I don't want to embarrass him or make him uncomfortable.

 

But I just had an idea, tell me what you think:

 

I DO want something for my birthday. I really need a several bookmarks. I'm too lazy to go get em and I keep putting little pieces of paper etc and keep losing them too! I waste SO much time! I'm sure if HE got me something I wouldn't dare lose it! What about that? Does it sound pathetic Of course I don't mind at ALL if he threw in a box of chocolate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think, in a relationship, you need to be able to talk about stuff that is uncomfortable. I'm sure this isn't the first or last difficult conversation you will have with him but I think it will be well worth it. He needs to know that you really mean it and that the reason is because you care about him and his well being in all aspects, including his financial well-being. If you frame it that way, then you can reduce any embarrassment that might happen. In this economy, a lot of people are having financial troubles, and I think it does help a lot for them to know that the people that love them are really looking out for their interests in that regard, even if it's an uncomfortable topic to talk about.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think, in a relationship, you need to be able to talk about stuff that is uncomfortable. I'm sure this isn't the first or last difficult conversation you will have with him but I think it will be well worth it. He needs to know that you really mean it and that the reason is because you care about him and his well being in all aspects, including his financial well-being. If you frame it that way, then you can reduce any embarrassment that might happen. In this economy, a lot of people are having financial troubles, and I think it does help a lot for them to know that the people that love them are really looking out for their interests in that regard, even if it's an uncomfortable topic to talk about.

 

I know, but this conversation just seems too hardcore. Can't I do it any other (softer) way? I also don't want him to think I am constantly worried about this situation (his finances) because he just told me. Can I grow up later? I just want an easy way out on this one!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know, but this conversation just seems too hardcore. Can't I do it any other (softer) way? I also don't want him to think I am constantly worried about this situation (his finances) because he just told me. Can I grow up later? I just want an easy way out on this one!

 

If you don't go hardcore he may not take it seriously. Thats the problem. All too often people say "Just buy me this.." and its something small and cheap, but does that ever happen? Very rarely, or atleast in my experience.

I've said it in the past, just take me out to dinner and that will be plenty, but is it all he does? No, of course not. And I knew this time casual comments weren't working because he was still showing me high end laptops even though I had said I don't need anything fancy...until I made it a big deal, is when he realized that this is actually a big deal and to tone it down a notch.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...