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Acceptance to anger


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Hi all,


It's been nearly 8 months since my ex broke my heart, I was at the aceptance stage the last few months but lately I have been feeling more anger that she left me like that, I think part of the anger is the fact she never got back together with me, im just so angry that I someone I gave my all too could do this to me.


Is this stage normal?.

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I have gone from acceptance to anger. Today was a "mad" day grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!


Not because we are broken up, not because he stopped putting in the effort, but because I think back to the way his paranoia ate me up and made me lose myself when we were together. I am angry that I LET HIM treat me that way, and how I felt like whenever he did this, I let him blame me for it!


One incident that has been swirling around my head was the week we broke up.....


I had just spent a fortune on concert tickets for his favourite band. But not at a local venue....no.....In Dublin! Front row tickets, flights and hotel!


My birthday was on the Friday (we broke up the day before).... He had promised me months ago we were going away for the weekend, but something got in the way, so he didn't go ahead with it. I thought it didn't matter, but I wanted him to still do something special for me, after all, our lives were on hold until he finished uni......


So he tells me that he hasn't booked anything, and that he hasn'tbought me a present because I haven't told him what to buy!!! All my resentment brims to the surface, and then I get shouted at for being disappointed he hasn't followed through with what he promised.


Then he randomly picks something out of thin air to attack me with.... He says to me, "You never had anything alcoholic to drink on Saturday night. I thought you were the type of girl I could have a laugh with! I thought we could go out in the summer and sit in a beer garden, get drunk and have a good time!"

He went off into all these different scenarios that might happen in the future. Ways I might disappoint him, like if he bought a bottle of champagne on my birthday I might not drink it, and it would ruin the night...... Huh?! All that coz I didn't want a bottle of beer over the weekend?! Then when I said he was over-reacting, I'm not turning tea-total, chill out! He said, "You made me feel so uncomfortable when you wouldn't have a proper drink!"


This went on and on for about 20 minutes. Then he said that I had caused the fight, (if you call one person working themselves up in a paranoid, unreasonable state while another person sits there wringing their hands a fight), and that he is a big enough man to apologise when he's wrong but, "I KNOW I'M RIGHT!!!".


You know what I ended up doing?


I not only took the blame, but to make him calm down, I said that I was crying because I was hormonal!!! Yes, you read that right! I can't believe I actualy did that! Then I got this speach about not taking my period out on him, that he doesn't deserve it, and that I need to get it under control... Then he said that I am too up and down for him and he wasn't happy. That only made me cry worse and he made me feel even worse by saying, "If your mum sees you crying she will be out here having a go at me!" So I didn't leave the car until I had calmed down!


I told his mum about that incident a few months ago and she called him a little * * * * , and said I should have slapped him.


When we met after 3 months NC he told me that he had started taking ecstasy again. When I said he shouldn't do it, I got "It's my body! I'll do whatever the hell I want!" Hold on? Wasn't it my choice not to put alcohol into my body??? Then another wave of paranoia.... "I never told you that I took it when we were together incase you told the people you work with..." (I work for the police) - sounds like he never trusted me as far as he could throw me!


Today has been a very angry day, but at the same time I know now that getting back together with him would mean repeating the above all the time, and I just won't do it! Its the reason we split up and the guy will never change that pattern of paranoid behaviour. Everytime he felt guilty over not treating me properly; everytime he disrespected me and he felt bad over it; everytime he felt ashamed of his actions towards me; he turned the tables and tried to make me feel it! He doesn't like feeling like that. He can't handle the guilt. He's a total blame shifter! He wants people to feel what he is feeling at any cost. Well it cost us our relationship! I can't spend the rest of my life feeling like crap to make them feel better, and reassuring someone that I am not going to let them down. He had no reason to suspect me of being anything other than a great gf, and he should have been a great bf. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!


So glad its over between us!

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Stage is normal my lil jedi.


That feeling comes from the inner struggle that you are having lately. Inner struggle that you want to do something about it but feel so helpless. The feeling that no matter what you do you still feel like * * * * . You are getting worked up and you are expecting too much from yourself. Humans can achieve just so much. Let the higher powers take care of the things you cannot control and you'll have peace of mind. and take care of things that you are in control.


When the relationship ended, it is over and the best thing you can do ideally is to let go and wish the person has a healthy, wealthy, lovely life without you. Letting go is a true sign of True Love - the unconditional type that most humans are not able to grasp so easily. unconditional love is not the sexual type as you can guess.


You don't love her as a girlfriend but you do love her as a fellow human being that we live on this Earth together in peace. You must give her unconditional love by saying bye bye to her and wishing her all the luck that is needed in order to have a loving life. Once you give this wish to her (you'll cry a lot- i still do) but that is the best gift you can give her and the best gift that you will ever get by letting go of her which is inner peace.

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