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I want to call her so bad...


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Well, first let me say hello. I am glad I have stumbled on to this website.

 

My story is, my girlfriend has left me. We have broke up before but got back together. We broke up again one week ago. Reason being she said she could not picture us getting married on account of the arguing we do sometimes. I will spare the rest of the details but will say that neither of us are perfect.

 

The break up has left me in the lowest, lowest state of my life. I don’t enjoy life right now, cant eat right, need sleeping pills to sleep more than 4 hour a night, etc.. Anyway the pain is so great; my mind is entering a crisis I am really really getting an urge to call her. Because I want to know her thoughts... I want this pain over and want to do what it takes to get over it as quick as possible. The way I have been figuring if I call a number of things could happen.

 

1) She doesn't answer and does not call or contact me back. This tells me she is not sorry for what she did and does not want me back. Also shows me there is no hope of trying again and she is not regretting breaking up.

 

2) She answers and reinforces the rejections she has already made to me. This one will hurt and most likely set me back some in terms of recovery.

 

3) We talk and get back together or decide to give the relationship another try. My pain will be gone, possibly only a temporary reprieve. Buy my heart and mind hope we will stay together.

 

I don't know what to do.

In my mind I would welcome getting back together, because I don't want to run the risk of feeling like this for months, or as in some of the cases I have read, years. It scares the s*** out of me that I could feel like this for an extended period of time.

 

If you have any advice or have gone through these feelings before please help me with some advice.

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Every single person here has gone through these feelings and most are currently going through them still. I know I am. Think about this. She left you. You cannot say one single thing to change her mind or make her love you or want you back. You can't. She is going to do her own thing no matter how you feel. She showed you that a week ago when she left you. You can cry to her and praise her with compliments and tell her how much you miss her and want her back in your life.. none of it is going to change how she feels. More than likely you will only push her away even more.

 

I say this only because I know. I did this very thing. My ex left me just over a month ago and the first thing I did was call him for 2 days, email him for a week, trying to explain my entire side of the situation, poured out every last feeling I had, said the most wonderful things to him, busted out the pet names, the whole nine yards. I got NOTHING in return. Never answered the phone, never returned my emails, emails that I slaved over for HOURS to make sure I had every sentence perfect for him. Only email he returned was the angry one I sent ripping his life apart (I suggest you don't give into this anger when the stage comes, because it more than likely will) and of course that response didn't satisfy me. I've done nothing but expect him to crawl back in my arms everytime I've contacted him, thinking that once he hears my voice and how much I still love him he will come back. Not gonna happen.

 

You owe it to yourself to free your mind of her. Of course that is near impossible, but don't give into your temptations to call her because it will only hurt you more. There are SO MANY threads on here regarding NC.. read them. They help. Good luck and post here if you think you're going to contact her, we will talk you out of it!

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She left you and said she didn't see a future with you. Do you think she would contact you if she changed her mind?

 

If you had a serious relationship I see nothing wrong with getting closure if that's what happens. Be kind to yourself though and don't put yourself through it over and over thinking somethings going to change.

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Thanks everyone

 

I have read a lot about NC. It is a difficult thing for me and I think everyone.

 

As I have known her, she was very full of pride and very emotional (could never decide what she wants) so even if in her mind the breakup was a mistake she would never call to admit it.

I suppose this is just my mind reaching for relief in ANY form possible. I don't think I will call. But if I did and she did not answer, I think it would actually help me realize the finality of the situation.

 

My mind is so lost... I almost want her to yell at me tell me she is not second guessing her decision. Maybe that would help me move on.

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Hello,

Are you sure you really need to hear her tell you that there is no chance? that its over? or are you hoping deep inside that maybe (because you said she is full of pride and wouldn't admit wanting you back) she'll tell you she wants you back? How did you manage to get back together last time you broke up? did you have to make the first move?

If she is going through what you're going through, she will forget her pride and do something about it. Maybe even make a move that's not too obvious.

I think we are all full of pride here, but when when the people we loved so much left, we forgot our pride and made the effort needed to try and hold on to them, unfortunately it almost never works.. When the other side doesn't feel the same - only thing left to do is show them how much we really love them and set them free. If they come back great, but for now we have to understand that there is nothing we can do to change their minds. It has to come from them, and that usually happens too late - because we move on.

 

If you really feel you need her to tell you its over for good - call her. I did it once, a long time ago. I did feel the closure I needed, but the pain? Its still hurt badly for a while. You'll have to get through this pain and let your heart and mind go through what they need to get better. And I promise you, as soon as you let go of hope, it will get better.

Good luck

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Hi, ive been going through the same stuff for the last 5 months although it only recently got worse the last 3 wks with the crying, pleading, begging etc. I still feel like crap now and like you also am scared that this will last for months.

 

None of this behaviour has helped. There is nothing I can do to change her mind. Thankfully she sort of understands my behaviour because we have been very close for 3 yrs and she still cares (but not in love) for me. In most cases I think we might regret acting so silly, it really doesn't do anything if you want to save the relationship. However,if the relationship is really at the end of the road, at least you might feel better because you tried your best / did everything you could possibly do. I got a big shock last week when she told me had I been like this and told her I still loved her when she was with her last bf, she would come back, but now she has a new bf

 

Anyway NC is the way to go. She might still come back when she's ready. In the meantime you have to try and get your life back on track. Find the great person you are again. I know its hard as hell when you get these urges to contact her, express your feelings here or write em down in a blog etc. You will find that after you have written your thoughts down, the urge to call her might not be so strong. I wish I did the NC 5 months ago - things might be different now.

 

All the best

 

ps even if she doesn't answer, do you really think you can give up right now based on that?? You will probably still feel the same because you love her so much.

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Happy,

 

I am sad to hear you have been going through this for so long. I feel your pain.

 

For me previously when we got back together, it was a mutual thing. However, IF I ever talk to her again, I am not planning on begging or pleading for anything. It guess if I ever speak to her again it is just to get closure (and perhaps there is no thing as closure anyway). Because the last time we talked, when we broke up, she hung up on me. It was a very unsatisfying end.

 

I don't plan on waiting around for her to come back. I just wish it had happened as an "amicable" breakup. I feel that nasty breakups are more harmful to the mind.

 

But I could be wrong...that is why I am now reading all the posts I can manage to read on this site.

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I agree, its important to me to end things in a good way. There was a lot of love and you just want to say your last goodbye properly. I say if you ended things with her hanging up on you then you can call and say: I just wanted to end things nicely with you, say my goodbyes properly and thats it. If you really just want to break up on a good note then I think its quite a mature thing to do. But you must ask yourself before if this is your ture reason for contacting her, because if there are other motives such as trying to maybe reconcile, then you might not hear what you expect to hear and hurt a lot.

 

If you really can't decide - just do what your gut feeling tells you. Even if you'll feel you made a mistake afterwards, at least you'll learn something out of it and have the expericne prepare you for the future.

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After reading more and more posts on this website, I am still thinking over the idea. I have been thinking, she was the one who hung up on ME. But at the same time I want to be the better person. I almost feel like I was pathetic on the phone and want to right myself.

 

Thanks for the posts everyone.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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