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my thoughts on breaking NC...


crab62

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it's pointless. I was thinking in the middle of the night, while awake, why I would never contact my exbf.

 

1) He's not going to make my pain go away.. in fact, it's going to hurt more when I hang up with him with no resolution to anything I say.

 

2) He certainly is not going to fill the gapping hole I have in my gut.. in fact, he's going to make it wider when I hang up with nothing.

 

3) He isn't going to remove the pain I feel in my gut... the gut wrenching pain of feeling like you've been punched... in fact, when I hang-up, it'll feel like he punched me one more time.

 

4) I'm going to end up feeling 10x worse by the possible things he will say "I'm sorry... I can't help you with this"...meaning healing. "I'm sorry, but you weren't the one". "Don't worry you'll get over me". "It's a beautiful day...go have some breakfast you will feel better". Yes believe it or not, he said the last statement to me two days after he walked out... when "he" finally decided to pick up the phone to talk to me.

 

Breaking NC is pointless to me... I have no desire to do it. I do have an aching pain to be with him...but contacting him isn't going to fix that. The only thing that would have fixed that was for him to not walk out in the first place...

 

and for me there is no going back... I just have to move on.

 

Day 8... it's been a painful one. Hopefully riding the horses today will ease some of that.

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Yes crab you are so right! I no longer contact my ex for a lot of these reasons. I know he won't answer the phone first off, and oh isn't it great when it rings twice then goes straight to voicemail cause they pushed the little button on the side when they saw your number on the screen? Priceless feeling, let me tell you. Then I'd be forced to hear his voice on his voicemail..not sure I could even handle that again. Not sure what I'd say in a message..."Hey..you..just calling to ..BUG THE SH*T OUT OF YOU!" I wouldn't say that but that's what he'd be thinking! Then I wouldn't get a call back. Email is a lost cause as well. Send them an email and it's just words on a screen... doesn't mean a damn thing what they say. And when they don't say anything, that is even worse.

 

I don't contact my ex anymore cause he doesn't deserve to hear nice things about him, that I love him and miss him and he was the best and gorgeous and Oh why won't you come back to me cause I'm DEAD without you!!?? Yeah no. Not gonna lie, that's kind of how I feel right now haha but there is no way I'd ever let him know. I think he's happy with his new friends and soon to be official girlfriend so whatever. We have to just let them be cause they aren't worth our love anymore anyway.

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Yep - all of your points are correct. The only way to make the pain go away is to maintain NC. Don't worry about what he'll think if you continue NC. He knows where to find you if he wants you. You need to concentrate on moving on, just like you said.

Ride the horses, and do what ever will make you feel good. Time will make it easier and easier. I know the pain you are feeling, I promise you it will subside

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NC is a way of taking control of your situation to the best of your ability in my opinion. When you NC, you can think about how you're a person, a separate entity in this universe, who can whirl and twirl and live her own life. I ahve learned that I don't need anyone but myself...and I have learned to love myself. I was where you are, but you'll be there.

 

Your bf sounds really freaking arrogant. PLEASE you don't need that.

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argh if only i'd read this at 6am this morning when i couldnt sleep and broke seven weeks of NC with a pointless angry text message. Damn damn damn.

 

Its okay Loco! Dont beat yourself up! So next time, when it's 6 a.m., you can't sleep and are contemplating text messages.. come on ENA! That's what we're here for

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argh if only i'd read this at 6am this morning when i couldnt sleep and broke seven weeks of NC with a pointless angry text message. Damn damn damn.

 

I second with franfran... don't beat yourself up. I called my ex frantically the first 5 days after he left until I looked in the mirror and said "grow some balls"... okay, that impossible, but funny, LOL!!

 

the best part about life and having 24hrs a day, is each day you can start over

 

so you can start over today.... small steps at a time... baby steps... and you'll get there... and we're totally here for you!!

 

{{{{HUGS}}}}

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I never text. Texting is the cruelest thing out there in my opinion. Its a distant way of passively communicating and is thus never direct and thereforee more difficult/confusing for both people. Its easy access doesn't help and the jilted jargon and bad grammar also contributes.

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Crab you are too funny I am quoting you in my signature!!!

 

LOL!!... it's making me laugh now too, LOL... feels so good to laugh... thanks!! Oh... too funny...

 

and it's sunny today!!, yeah for that... thanks for helping me laugh

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thanks guys, yep starting over again. Its so pointless...he never replies and i feel better for a fraction of a second as my mind stops writing and rewriting the text i want to send..then immediately i regret it, feel stupid and know he wont reply. Its so distant youre right, i cant really imagine how it fits into his life. He cut me off so harshly and completely and ive been so mental trying to contact him, desperate for just one chance to talk things through that its like he doesnt really exist anymore, only in the abstract. Because he's never once replied, i almost dont believe the texts go anywhere. I guess i've gone totally mad!

 

Thanks for the support. x

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LOL!!... it's making me laugh now too, LOL... feels so good to laugh... thanks!! Oh... too funny...

 

and it's sunny today!!, yeah for that... thanks for helping me laugh

 

Oh to laugh... love it. Sunny? Where the hell do you live... It's about 10 degrees and disgustingly drab where I am. Enjoy your day

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thanks guys, yep starting over again. Its so pointless...he never replies and i feel better for a fraction of a second as my mind stops writing and rewriting the text i want to send..then immediately i regret it, feel stupid and know he wont reply. Its so distant youre right, i cant really imagine how it fits into his life. He cut me off so harshly and completely and ive been so mental trying to contact him, desperate for just one chance to talk things through that its like he doesnt really exist anymore, only in the abstract. Because he's never once replied, i almost dont believe the texts go anywhere. I guess i've gone totally mad!

 

Thanks for the support. x

 

Yeah locolady if you know he's not going to reply then why even bother? Mine never replied when I'd pour my heart and soul out to him begging to talk. They don't want to talk, they're running away, they are ashamed (Well, I sure would be). Let him run, let him hide, let him be the coward he is. Unfortunately we can't change them and that's that. You'll feel better once you tell yourself you don't care to communicate with him any longer. You don't want to, you don't care. You don't care!

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I broke NC. Granted it was in a sneaky way, but I needed him to talk to me. Bad...and Gah! And He was so cold. He called me by my full name (something he has never called me) and told me to never talk to him again. And that he will never talk to me again.

 

No closure and I heal. I am putting myself out there again some day. He is a complete jerk. A complete jerk. Oddly, perhaps this is the closure I need. He is an a**hole and I deserve better.

 

But I can't believe how cold he is. He is not the person I fell in love. He is someone very very different. Someone who can tell me he loves one week, then in just a day decide to cut me out completely. My name is Jen and he called me Jennifer. He never called me Jennifer.

 

I can't believe I cried over him. We will never be together. I have another guy friend who is being patient and I have been colder towards him because of ex.

 

Today is day one of NC and day 1 of the rest of my life. I just threw out letters and notes he sent me. When I get to work tomorrow, I will throw out the stuff my co-worker has been hiding for me.

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Jen I am so sorry. You dont need him in your life. I'm not contacting my ex partially in fear that he might treat me that same way.. then obviously also for the reasons I posted earlier, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that he's changed. The guys we love are gone, they don't even exist anymore. I also have a guy who likes me that I am being cold toward because I can't get ex off my mind. We have to stop letting them control everything in our lives... It's not day 1, it's just a new beginning.. don't get into the habit of counting!!

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Jen I am so sorry. You dont need him in your life. I'm not contacting my ex partially in fear that he might treat me that same way.. then obviously also for the reasons I posted earlier, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that he's changed. The guys we love are gone, they don't even exist anymore. I also have a guy who likes me that I am being cold toward because I can't get ex off my mind. We have to stop letting them control everything in our lives... It's not day 1, it's just a new beginning.. don't get into the habit of counting!!

 

You have another interested guy, Fran? Man, are we twins? I wished you lived closer

 

You're right. The guys we loved are gone. This is the last day the ex controls any part of my life. From now on, it is a new beginning. No counting, just living.

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You have another interested guy, Fran? Man, are we twins? I wished you lived closer

 

You're right. The guys we loved are gone. This is the last day the ex controls any part of my life. From now on, it is a new beginning. No counting, just living.

 

Yeah, I do and I thought I had a mini-crush on him until we hung out the other night. Boy was I wrong!!! Hanging out with him only made me miss ex more. Obviously Im not over the connection I had with ex, I feel like I'll never have the same friendship/loving relationship with anyone else like I had with him. So that sucked, but I believe the wise people here who admit that it isn't the same with someone else, but we will be able to open our hearts to other people again with time. OH Boston isn't that far right? I mean it's only like 10 states away...I wish you lived closer too, now thattt would be fun.

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Yeah, I do and I thought I had a mini-crush on him until we hung out the other night. Boy was I wrong!!! Hanging out with him only made me miss ex more. Obviously Im not over the connection I had with ex, I feel like I'll never have the same friendship/loving relationship with anyone else like I had with him. So that sucked, but I believe the wise people here who admit that it isn't the same with someone else, but we will be able to open our hearts to other people again with time. OH Boston isn't that far right? I mean it's only like 10 states away...I wish you lived closer too, now thattt would be fun.

 

I hear you! Last night I was hanging out with the new guy, watching movie at his place. His arm was around me and I ended up falling asleep in his arms. For a minute, I realize how good it felt and how I hadn't done this with the ex since the early dating stages and boom! I felt like I was cheating on the ex, when he wants nothing to do with me.

 

I wonder if there is another woman now and he didn't have the balls to tell me. I don't even think he misses me. 2 years gone, I suppose. But I will wonder no longer. He's not a part of my life and never will be again. The longer I cling, the more time I am wasting looking for the match that is right for me.

 

It will never be the same, yes. But I will tell myself it could be even better...

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thanks guys, yep starting over again. Its so pointless...he never replies and i feel better for a fraction of a second as my mind stops writing and rewriting the text i want to send..then immediately i regret it, feel stupid and know he wont reply. Its so distant youre right, i cant really imagine how it fits into his life. He cut me off so harshly and completely and ive been so mental trying to contact him, desperate for just one chance to talk things through that its like he doesnt really exist anymore, only in the abstract. Because he's never once replied, i almost dont believe the texts go anywhere. I guess i've gone totally mad!

 

Thanks for the support. x

 

loco... you're not mad... your quite normal. it's so normal to want to talk to him, to want them to ease our pain... it makes sense because they were once there for us and they comforted us... at one time. however, they aren't there to comfort us anyway... so that is where it becomes pointless.

 

but don't beat yourself up. i wish my exbf had tried to contact me just to believe that he cares... but he probably doesn't i know it's hard, and so painful... but it'll pass. we are all here along this journey with you... and we'll make it to the healing side together

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uggh... that's terrible jenna... what an a**hole for sure!! how cruel to say never to talk to him. you should have said "yeah btw... your penis was extra small too, LOL"... just to hurt him.. but you're better than that...and you will grow beyond this jerk!!

 

my exbf would say something cold like that too i'm sure if i called him. gosh we give them so much power by calling them... we need to stay strong and hold on to that power. you are right, they are not the same men we fell in love with.

 

you'll be okay... so you broke NC... you'll know better the next time, and you're a better person cause of it.

 

{{{HUGS}}}}

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Oh to laugh... love it. Sunny? Where the hell do you live... It's about 10 degrees and disgustingly drab where I am. Enjoy your day

 

I'm in Chicago fran... it's sunny but cold I'm sure!!

 

My bike friends are calling me like crazy. My one friend (not a best friend... but a friend from the bike club we belonged to) who went out with the exbf the Wednesday before he walked out has called me 4x in the last two weeks. I won't call her back cause I don't want to talk about the break-up, and I don't want anything going back to him. I asked him after the break-up if he discussed the break-up with her... and he said "no", but maybe he did.

 

She is a decent person and would not do anything to hurt me, so I don't think the break-up has anything to do with her... but she was the last person to talk to him before he walked out.

 

so I emailed her last night and told her I was working crazy hours and will get in touch with her soon... not saying anything about the exbf of course. but she just called again this morning!! ahhhhhhhh, what is going on. I feel bad but I don't want to talk to anyone in the bike club... i just am not ready to tell people we are over, and i don't want to cry on the phone with her so it can get back to him.

 

but why the heck does she keep calling me?, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

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CHICAGO! Is my favorite city. I am so jealous you live there. Last time I was there, I took my ex skydiving for his bday at the end of July and we had the time of our lives that weekend! I spent like $600 on that Ahole! OMG I hate him!!!!!! Well if I ever move there I will let you know. We can be new Bff's!! lol

 

If you don't want to hang out with her, then don't. I have no idea what kind of excuse you could come up with...just be honest and say you're not in the right mindset to hang out with people right now (whether you are or aren't doesn't make a difference.) So what if she tells ex. He doesn't matter anymore anyway. But don't force yourself into a situation that would make yourself feel uncomfortable, you need to look out for yourself!

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