volpe Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 I've been used to having orgasms pretty much every time I had sex in the past- but I only have had one real relationship for the last three years. They were semi-relationships, that never really developed... It seems like I have some type of dysfunction? I can't relax enough to enjoy sex to have an orgasm. Even if I am really close. Maybe he could brush up on some of his techniques... and I could communicate better about what I want... which I've been too shy to do lately... but I also highly suspect that because he actually matters to me, and we are in a relationship, I actually feel more vulnerable and more shy about my body that I can't relax. Is this common for women who have been single for a while and don't have a real relationship? What do I do about it? Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Give it some time. You are probably just so into him that you're nervous and not allowing yourself to relax. Like you said, he really matters to you. How long have you been together? Link to comment
volpe Posted November 23, 2008 Author Share Posted November 23, 2008 Just for a little over a month... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Maybe it's something telling you that it is too soon for you personally to be having sex. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 I think you need more time to allow yourself to relax. You probably are just so into him that you can't relax. Hey, and that's okay. It happens. I know that it's frustrating, but I think with more time, you will naturally relax. Link to comment
volpe Posted November 23, 2008 Author Share Posted November 23, 2008 Batya- but I've had sex with other people and had an orgasm the first time during sex. I know that there are some techniques he could do better... such as take his time a little more. But I think I'm used to "f'ing" without any feeling and with him. He is the type that can throw me down on the bed, but also he is kissing me and being sweet. But for some reason... I'm not used to much kissing... more to just f'ing and I think I'm sort of messed up in the head?? Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 So you are not used to someone being so romantic with you? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Batya- but I've had sex with other people and had an orgasm the first time during sex. I know that there are some techniques he could do better... such as take his time a little more. But I think I'm used to "f'ing" without any feeling and with him. He is the type that can throw me down on the bed, but also he is kissing me and being sweet. But for some reason... I'm not used to much kissing... more to just f'ing and I think I'm sort of messed up in the head?? That's just your preferences - nothing wrong with that. I think that since you feel something for the guy, and feel vulnerable, it might be too soon for you to deal with those vulnerable feelings. It might be easier for you to orgasm when it's just an act with nothing at stake. It also depends what your priorities are - if having an orgasm through intercourse is a priority then I guess you need to tell/show him what works. If you are comfortable enough to be having sex then consider that you should be comfortable enough communicating your needs. if you decide that having an orgasm during sex is not as much of a priority, then that's cool too. Link to comment
android Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 I'll tell you one thing volpe.dont think that love is all about sex and satisfaction. I wasn't being rude. Maybe you should allow yourself time... Maybe you're not ready. Its not about the fact that you had it before with lots of people. Its about how far you have been involved. whether it was just sexualy loving or lovingly sexual... I dont mean to offend pls dont take it that way. I do believe that you could do with allowing more time, with each other... First of all, be sure about him, about how much you love him and how serious you are with him. decide that this is not lik the one's you've had before. So that the thought like you said "I also highly suspect that because he actually matters to me, and we are in a relationship" wont come in again. When you are confident about him, and you love him, you will feel protected when you are with him. After that maybe you'd be able to enjoy what he is doing to you and also you might be more confident to tell him what you need.. and for an advice, try indicating to him about what you want. by actions during sex. that makes it easier for you to let him know what you want other than having a shy talk. But my advice is keep nothing hidden from your partner, since you are serious with him, even about some of the most most personal part of your life... Depends on perspective too.. i was just speaking my mind... good luck Link to comment
volpe Posted November 23, 2008 Author Share Posted November 23, 2008 hey android, no i don't feel you are being rude. i don't think it is all about sex by any means, we enjoy hanging together. i guess... i just don't really know what is "normal" to feel in a relationship because i haven't had one. i enjoy very much being with him and i'm sexually attracted to him but i think my libido is not as big as his plus i don't have a climax at all. it sort of makes me feel like maybe i want to be single. but when i'm single, i really want to find someone to love. i feel like i could grow to love this person, he is an awesome person, very very similar to myself in many ways- happy but also passionate. plus he is super smart. i really don't have anything to complain about. once he didn't offer me ranch dressing. once when we were debating race issues he started swearing, but not at me, just using swear words in his sentences (we both swear a lot). i didn't like that and told him and he said he understood and would try not to do that. literally that is the only two things he's done that has irked me at all. and so... i don't have any serious complaints. but... i guess i just don't really know what i am supposed to feel? Link to comment
android Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 ok... what you have to do is quit thinking... U will grow to like this person. Trust me! See love is not the same for everyone... Its the most unusual thing found from the most unusual places... And its not easy to find someone who understands you and who tries to take ur suggestions into his life... See about love, u have to understand that its not a place to reach thru some path, love is the path itself and its unique for different people. U wont love someone like that simply, when u start to like everything that person does and when u learn to understand each other, u may conclude that love is on the way.. But it needs a lot of working.. Sharing even the smallest of things, happiness, sorrows... everything.... And you will come to a point where silence is comfortable between u both.. I mean that even when one is silent, u wont be irked by that, u'll be able to interpret even silence to words... i know i might be going a bit too deep... i hope u understand... if u are sure he's a gem of the person then dont think about these petty things... relax... allow more time... You may want to adjust with your priorities a little, i mean about sex, and later on, when u are comfortable with him, you cud tell him more... Remember, when you wont feel alright with things, it might show and that might hurt him. Then he might feel the complex that he is not able to give u the satisfaction that you need, and that wil affect ur relationship... You may not be very experienced with relationships so just ignore little things and adjust to the max... yet of course, let him know of everything that goes on in ur mind... dont let him wondering why and also make sure that he shares his feelings with you... dont urge him, but make sure he feels important and that ur feelings are considered tooo.... And having sex is something you could change... you could change its positions, its durations, its foreplay... everything... choose the one's that make you feel the most aroused... But there is something tht you can never be comfortable with sex, if u have other pressing things on your mind... u know me and my girl had met up at my place once after a movie, we started off wit foreplay, but something about my girl being tensed about getting back home and her dad getting mad at her, made me feel kinda upset.. not upset entirely but we had to do things off in a hurry, it was like we just had to speed up things to make me climax... i didnt come off exactly but well.. one thing i realized from that incident is dont hurry up on sex and climax isnt the best part of it, i mean, when you are involved with someone who loves u, you should have a lot of time and a lot of foreplay before you actually enter... thats why they called it 'making love'... i hope what i said made some sense.... i dunno if i have helped... bottom line is just let yourself adjust to this "new" kinda relationship and dont bother about how you feel at the moment... all you have to think about is whether he is the right man and then you just have to start believing in yourself and be confident about the relationship and once that is done, everything can be discussed and solved... My signature says it all...if u get what i mean.. take care.. Link to comment
android Posted November 25, 2008 Share Posted November 25, 2008 i meant the first line.. ha ha.. Link to comment
android Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 is everything alright now? Link to comment
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