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bad boys vs. nice guys


Pegasus

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I am pretty sure that most of you, when read title as in this thread gets very sick in the stomach and I'll agree on this. I have no intention to open same subject for millionth time. So why am I writing this?

 

I got a few PM's after my thread about D.D. and I wanted to write it once for all interested. The question from all of them was "do I have to be a jerk to attract beautiful girls?". My take on it is simple - NO!

 

What you need to realize is to get girls (at least 8+/10) you need to learn how to attract them - creating attraction is just a skill like driving a bike or a car, or painting a room. Nothing else. And yes, it will still be a REAL YOU, just better you.

 

And about the "jerk" part - if and when you learn how to really create attraction - you can even be a jerk and they won't leave. So, it's up to you to be whatever you want. It's just that a lot of jerks know how to create it or they do it unintentionally - that's why you get the idea that jerks always get girls.

 

Good luck guys

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I have been very attracted to a man and left quickly if he acted like a jerk, because despite the strong attraction, my self esteem and self image and self respect were far stronger than any "attraction" or "chemistry" - and most often the jerky behavior decreased my attraction.

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Gets back to your David D thread, Peg. I really think you need to just be who you are in order to attract a girl right for you. Being too nice is bad, being too much of a jerk is bad too. You need to find a happy medium, and no one else can define that but you for you. You have to be comfortable with yourself.

 

Myself, I used to try to please people and it made me unhappy. I don't do that anymore. I feel much better standing my ground, and that's what I do.

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Jerks don't get girls, attractive men gets girls. What you might think is being a jerk is just being more confident if not that because I am not sure confidence does make you more attractive, it is the fact that you are hitting on more girls.

 

Also if you act like a wimp or seem to desperate, or suck up to people too much it will turn them off you. I doubt being mean has a lot to do with attracting women.

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creating attraction is just a skill like driving a bike or a car, or painting a room.

 

Learning to ride a bike or drive a car or painting a room doesn't require the feelings/wants/needs of the bike or car or paint brush as part of the overall equation.

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Learning to ride a bike or drive a car or painting a room doesn't require the feelings/wants/needs of the bike or car or paint brush as part of the overall equation.

 

Hehe, some of my biker friends wouldn't agree on this one ;-).

 

Raiden, it is a bit different with people but that is just a few more variables - if you do everything right it will succeed in a few takes. That's the point of it.

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I really think you need to just be who you are in order to attract a girl right for you.

 

As I've said in previous thread - based on previous experiences - are the girls you've attracted so far right for you? Do you really think so? Is that what you "deserve"?

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Well, no, if you act like a jerk and she sticks around it's not typically based on her attraction to you - but her lack of attraction to and respect for herself. do you really want that in a long term partner?

 

To tell you the truth - I don't even want a long term partner because long term for me means meaningful relationship which leads to living together after a year, getting married, having kids. Everything less is just a waste of time.

 

As I've said in previous thread - all successful marriages that I know have a slight dominance of one person - male (less) or female (most). Seems to me that it is the only way to really go long term - and if someone should be dominant in my marriage, that should be me

 

P.S. I never said you need to be a jerk - I just said it does not matter if you are or not.

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To tell you the truth - I don't even want a long term partner because long term for me means meaningful relationship which leads to living together after a year, getting married, having kids. Everything less is just a waste of time.

 

As I've said in previous thread - all successful marriages that I know have a slight dominance of one person - male (less) or female (most). Seems to me that it is the only way to really go long term - and if someone should be dominant in my marriage, that should be me

 

Being slightly dominant doesn't mean being a jerk -and if you have to be a jerk to be dominant, then you're not really dominant at all - you're a weak person taking the easy way out with another weak person.

 

If you are talking about getting a woman to sleep with you then sure you can be a jerk because the level of self respect the woman has isn't relevant to whether on a particular night she will spread her legs for you - meaning, a woman can have tons of self respect but be horny, or might settle for just sex because she has low self esteem and everything in between.

 

To me, just because you can get a woman into bed is no measure of your success at "getting" women - you're just getting laid, big deal.

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Being slightly dominant doesn't mean being a jerk -and if you have to be a jerk to be dominant, then you're not really dominant at all - you're a weak person taking the easy way out with another weak person.

 

As I've said multiple time - you don't have to be a jerk.

 

A question for you - who is dominant in your current relationship?

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As I've said multiple time - you don't have to be a jerk.

 

A question for you - who is dominant in your current relationship?

 

Most of the time, my SO - that is what I prefer in general - but he does not behave like a jerk or disrespectfully -quite the opposite actually because he would never be comfortable treating me that way and knows I would not tolerate it.

 

You have said you "don't have to be a jerk" and yet your first post has that behavior as a workable alternative - that is what I disagree with.

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You have said you "don't have to be a jerk" and yet your first post has that behavior as a workable alternative - that is what I disagree with.

 

Oh...well, I still didn't choose to be a jerk...I still open doors, hold coats and all that gentleman crap my parents thought me.....

 

But that is not the point - the point was that jerks don't get women because they are jerks but because they have a skill..

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Oh...well, I still didn't choose to be a jerk...I still open doors, hold coats and all that gentleman crap my parents thought me.....

 

But that is not the point - the point was that jerks don't get women because they are jerks but because they have a skill..

 

I don't think that going through the motions necessarily makes you a gentleman or a person who sincerely respects others - sure it's nice and actions go far but only just so far.

 

I agree that jerks get women. I disagree that that that is any type of success or that it takes "skill" because the type of women they get are typically women with low self esteem/lack of self-respect - and what kind of prize is that? Getting someone to do what you want who in general asks how high to jump or who acts like a doormat is easy - no skill needed. I don't think that getting a woman to have sex with you takes skill -- it simply takes mutual desire to have sexual intercourse, which is a fairly common occurrence especially in certain settings.

 

If it takes "skill" to seduce a woman who at first resists to consent to sex, sure, that may require some technical "skill" but given that the only result is getting laid I don't think it reflects any relevant "skill" and certainly nothing to "teach" others, be proud of or brag about.

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I just don't believe in being a people pleaser..

 

All that junk about acting a certain way or being a certain way to please somebody is all overrated. Those kind of persons are primarily for the "here and now" and not long term. To me, it's a waste of time & effort. And with a woman like that, you'll always find yourself having to bounce to her drum & eventually it'll get old.

 

I want to get married to someone beautiful oneday & raise a beautiful family so I need somebody that's going to be in for the long haul. A woman that'll have my back. A woman that's gonna love me unconditionally & not let anyone dictate our pace. A woman who can respect & appreciate me as much as I can do for her. I am looking for equality and balance. And if I don't find what I am looking for, than I just got to keep searching until I do.

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Truthfully, there are many types of women (those with low self esteem, dumb, or psychologically messed up) who do like jerks. Check out self-defeating and masochistic personality disorders and the book Women who Love too much.

 

However healthy women who have higher self esteem and aren't addicted to relationship conflict like guys who actually respect them. There are also guys who like shrews. Your level of self respect when it comes to relationships influences what you like or are willing to put up with.

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But Batya the so called "nice guys" cannot get the same girl... The jerk easily succeeds where the "nice guys" fail miserably... The bad boy gets to sleep with the same woman that refuse give the time of her day to a "nice guy". In that way I surely view it as a success.

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I disagree that that that is any type of success or that it takes "skill" because the type of women they get are typically women with low self esteem/lack of self-respect - and what kind of prize is that?

I don't know where this assumption comes from that the only women men can attract by employing things like The Mystery Method have an IQ less than 90? From my experience (and that of my colleagues), this stuff works on women no matter their level of intelligence or self esteem. Whether you admit it or not (it's irrelevant if you personally do or do not - the evidence is there), women are remarkably similar when it comes to attraction regardless of intelligence or self esteem. I deduce that from personal experience and observation!

Getting someone to do what you want who in general asks how high to jump or who acts like a doormat is easy - no skill needed. I don't think that getting a woman to have sex with you takes skill -- it simply takes mutual desire to have sexual intercourse, which is a fairly common occurrence especially in certain settings.

Of course you wouldn't percieve this as a valuable skill, because you are a woman. Getting someone to have sex with you is a lot easier than it is for a guy getting a girl to have sex with him. Your claim that "it simply takes mutual desire"-it's not that easy. When a guy gets an attractive (subjective to a point) woman to have sex with him, it is quite an accomplishment from a technical point of view.

 

As for OP, I understand the point of his original post because it's something I've been saying all along! Being a jerk or a nice guy is unrelated to getting girls. It all depends on how charming you are and nowhere in that definition is being a jerk or nice guy rewarded or penalized. There is simply a strong correlation between being a jerk and also being charming at the same time, but that does not suggst any causation!

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As for OP, I understand the point of his original post because it's something I've been saying all along! Being a jerk or a nice guy is unrelated to getting girls. It all depends on how charming you are and nowhere in that definition is being a jerk or nice guy rewarded or penalized. There is simply a strong correlation between being a jerk and also being charming at the same time, but that does not suggst any causation!

 

Finally someone who is able to read and understand what I wrote. Thank you.

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Interesting thread....makes me wonder, my friend went out and bought a book and is seriously taking its advice....'why men love * * * * * es doormat to dreamgirl' and i have to ask the same does a women have to act like a cold B**** in order to keep a man, I don't want to behave this way and refuse to because its not me. Yes i wear my heart on my sleeve, is this a wise idea...prob not but you know what i'll find someone who apprieciates me for me and accepts everything about me. But it does upset me when people say you must do this and you must do that in order to keep a man....

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Well decisive guys like me who know what they want in life, this type of tactic only serves to frustrate us as we have little patience for it. Maybe this would work on confused guys who don't know what they want, but it would be hit or miss with them.

 

My best advice for you would be to keep talking to lots of guys until you find a gem. Try and look physically as attractive as possible so you increase the number of guys you meet. That's really all you can do.

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