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I can't wait to get out.


yayaa

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I'm fifteen going sixteen this year, and often I feel so stressed out. With graduation coming up next year, stressed out what to be when I get older, my marks (Though, they are high, 87% average, Math is the only subject I can not do well on, which makes my dad disappointed.) Besides school stuff, its what my step mom and my dad do. My parents divorced when I was about four, and I haven't seen my brothers, sisters, and my real mom for around more then 7 years or so. We somehow found eachother over facebook, and trying to get together with each other but my dad just won't let me. He uses the excuse that if I go over there, it'll be a bad influence on me. My real mom did things in the past that I'm not proud of, but shes sincere and honest, I really believed she has changed after talking to her over the phone and hearing her voice crack each time we talk to each other. I really miss her, I love my mom. Yet, I love my dad too. Hes raised me alone, and we've been through so many hard times together, but its his tempers, personality, and lack of understanding that really makes me so mad. My step mom isn't any better. Both of my parents are asian, and aren't fluent in english, but I am. My dad has such a bad temper. He's the type of man who goes through with his word, and wants everything to be done correctly, otherwise he won't be happy. In truth, I know my dad is very caring, and I love him to death, but there are times when I seriously hate his guts because he can't understand. I can't ever talk to him seriously, I don't want to even tell him my problems. Now that I have a step brother whose around two, my dad is really protective of him. Perhaps its just me that is being a bit jealous, but my parents are all over him. I'm okay with that, but whenever something bad happens, I'm always the one to be blamed. I know I'm not perfect as I try to be, my common sense is lacking, and I'm really slow at things. But what they say to me, really brings down my self esteem. I believe myself to be not afraid of my dad but I am, hes gets mad at the simplest things, and lately I've been back talking him, which rifles him up more. He expresses himself both verbally and physically, and I've remembered in the past being punished by him. Sometimes, he hits my two year old brother out of anger, and I don't understand that at all. He's expecting my brother to understand what the heck is going on, but for christ's sake, hes only two. The truth is, my parents right now work really hard. We're a stable family, but that all depends on if my parents work to get the money. They get up at 1 and come home at 10 in the morning. That's a lot of hardwork, because of this I feel so guilty. I try to give up everything I do just for my family. I haven't been able to ever do after school activities, since 2006, I've even risked my free time to go out with my friends to take care of my brother. Where I can forget about my life and my haven is now going to school. My grandparents say its unfair that I have to go through all of this, I'd like to say that too, but theres nothing I can do. Sigh, we also own an ice cream truck. My dad is really obsessed on fixing it because it breaks down a lot, its older than me, but looks brand new. Though, what I don't like is that hes forcing all of that responsibility on me, the business, and everything else. I hate the pressure, but I can't tell him that. It's unbelievably harder to do, then saying you will. My dad is forcing everything that he likes upon me, I'm complete opposite of that. As for my step mom, I really hate her son. I don't even consider him to be my brother, I really don't and truthfully, I don't really believe that my step mom is my mom. Her son is over in asia, always complaining how lonely he is. Always trying to figure out ways to transfer over to where we are, despite how much money we make on a yearly basis, its not possible. Where he lives won't let him come over and no one is willing to sponsor him anyways. So the thing is, once I turn 18, I'm forced to go into a fake marriage with him to bring him over here. I know this is a rant, and I'm not sure if it should be placed here, but I really need to let this out. Once I get older, I want to move out, and cut all my connections with this current family. I want to earn enough money and treat them well as my parents get older, and never see them again. I know I'm saying this out of anger, but I think I would be more happier if I stayed with my real mom, instead of being taken away from my dad.

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