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Knowing what you want in a relationship.


Mantis
5 Secrets Happy Couples Know That M...
5 Secrets Happy Couples Know That Most Don’t

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I don't know exactly what I would want out of a relationship. For example, I'm not sure how fast I would want to move, or how often I would want to see the girl. I'm don't know exactly what I want in a girl either. I have some ideas, but there's a lot where I don't know if certain things are a big deal or if they're just minor complaints.

 

So my question is, do I need to sort all this out before I should start to find a relationship? Or is it something that can only be learned through trial and error?

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I don't think you can ever be that specific before you even start a relationship; once you meet someone who's right for you, trust me - you'll know!

 

There are probably things which would be off-limits for you (such as being a serial killer or an international fraudster); things which you would be neutral about, and things which you positively want. In practice, it's a balance of all these things, and someone who would sound fine on paper might just not 'do it for you' in the flesh.

 

Years ago, a friend of mine (now sadly passed away) told me that if I got into a new relationship, 'At the first sign of jealousy or sulking - GET OUT - because it isn't going to work!' I wish it hadn't taken me all this time really to follow that advice!

 

The other thing is that if you're not happy in yourself, in the long run you won't be happy in a relationship either, and you do need to be realistic about what a relationship can do for you.

 

Hope this helps!

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So my question is, do I need to sort all this out before I should start to find a relationship? Or is it something that can only be learned through trial and error?

 

I have the same doubts as you because I'm fairly new to relationships. In fact, I'm only going into my second one, if the first one could even be called a relationship. I believe it's a trial and error sort of thing, I don't think it's absolutely necessary for you to know what you want in a relationship before going into one. You'll learn what you want, what you like and don't like, and you'll figure out what works for you (and both of you as a couple), as you go along...as the relationship progresses. Don't torment yourself with too many questions, once you meet that person, it'll all come to you .

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in my experience, it's better to just go with the flow. sure, you might not and probably WILL NOT get it right the first time, but that's okay. you can sit and plan exactly what you want out of a relationship, but when you actually find one, it will hardly go how you think.

 

so my advice is just to get out there and make mistakes and learn from them.

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The other thing is that if you're not happy in yourself, in the long run you won't be happy in a relationship either, and you do need to be realistic about what a relationship can do for you.

 

Hope this helps!

 

That is true. It is harder for people who deal with depression or anxiety.

 

 

One thing I will say is that I don't want to date a guy who keeps pictures of his exes. (unless they include children) Or love letters!

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