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Don't want to miss last chance for true love


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I've been coming to a crisis point in my life, as I realize that other people who I have loved for years are getting married and having babies.

Two in particular are nagging at me. My first crush, who I wanted for years, but never confessed my love... And the only person I have ever cheated with. Both I have known off and on for years and years. The first seems to be in no rush to get married, but who knows? Maybe Mrs. Right is just around the corner. The latter gave me somewhat of a last chance to be his first last summer, and I turned him down because I was in a relationship. At the time, I didn't realize how eminent these situations are.

But right now, during this crisis, I happen to have a boyfriend. He does almost everything right. He's been my best friend and my confidant for almost a year or so. I haven't wanted this to be anything serious but as time goes on it becomes involuntarily more and more serious.

We have our problems. This summer, he didn't get into school like I was hoping for, and I had signed up accordingly. I got stuck with so much work as a result that I did nothing but work for weeks straight. I have no time for a relationship anyway because of that. It also made it impossible to do a lot of the things I'd planned to do with him. Now he's going to go to school, and people seem to think that that makes up for him not going this semester.

I haven't been able to get close to any guy, because these other men are in the back of my head, telling me that this won't work out until I know that they are not an option.

I feel terrible. Sometimes I can't move, and I look really glum. I wish there was some way I could not hurt my boyfriend... But he just doesn't go away. If I leave for a minute, he has to hear the whole story, and I feel like I don't have that independent life I need. I think I have to break up with him.

What can I do?

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I think you're too fixated on the notion that there is a single "correct" choice. There isn't. What you need to focus on right now first is your current BF. Are things good between the two of you? Are there any significant problems or incompatibilities (different aims in life, different views on family or marriage, etc)? If there isn't, you need to work on that. If there isn't and yet you're focusing on whether you could find a better choice, then you have "grass is greener" syndrome. As a result, things will not change even if you manage to successfully make a switch. Because you will always wonder if things couldn't be "better" with someone else. You will always be trying to FIND that "perfect" relationship (that doesn't exist) rather than WORKING on any relationship to improve it. Love isn't something you just find. It's something that you choose and it's something that you build with someone who is compatible with you.

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