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Can't compliment people


Mandoro

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Ive come to the realization that it just isnt in me to compliment people. Its not that Im a mean person, it just never comes to mind. Heres a good example

 

I was coming back with a friend of mine and we somehow got on the topic of the freshman 15 (shes a freshman) and she was talking about how her jeans were fitting tighter because of it. Instead of saying a compliment or disagreeing I go off and say "Nah, I bet its the stress" ](*,) wth was I thinking?

 

Also, when a friend looks especially nice. I dont compliment them, even if its in my head, it just doesn't come out.

 

Gah! What can I do?

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If it's a sincere thought, and to someone who isn't fishing... I think you need to make a conscious effort to do so. You say you can't but I don't think you've actually done it. If it's in your head, spit it out. Continue to do so until it starts to get easier.

 

A big thing with girls is not getting complimented. We know you think we're pretty if you're with us blah blah blah... but sometimes your gf (future gf) will go out of her way to doll up JUST for you, and if you don't in someway verbalize it, it's going to hurt you in the long run.

 

Just start with a small compliment... "hey, cool shirt!" I mean you don't have to say "wow, you look stunning in that black form fitting dress, how it really hugs those lovely curves of yours..." Start small and continue until it comes out easily and non-akward- practice on your mom.

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I have a friend (male) who needs to get compliments but never gives them himself. His partner and I agreed that he likes to receive but does not reciprocate, it is easier for him to say something negative or or find fault. I think it's just an issue with self-esteem and not wanting the other to feel good about themselves. Not good.

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Not really jealous, I just think sometimes some people look good. We all like compliments and Ive received a couple myself. For some reason I just think its only awkward if I were to give out compliments to girls for some reason. I guess its with that mindset that keeps me from thinking about giving them out. The compliments I am talking about are more like the nice shirt compliments and not the whole stunning in a dress thing. Im not fishing, but I just feel that its especially important when a friend is down and they need something to make them feel better. You are right Ive never given a compliment before

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Ive come to the realization that it just isnt in me to compliment people. Its not that Im a mean person, it just never comes to mind. Heres a good example

 

I was coming back with a friend of mine and we somehow got on the topic of the freshman 15 (shes a freshman) and she was talking about how her jeans were fitting tighter because of it. Instead of saying a compliment or disagreeing I go off and say "Nah, I bet its the stress" ](*,) wth was I thinking?

 

Also, when a friend looks especially nice. I dont compliment them, even if its in my head, it just doesn't come out.

 

Gah! What can I do?

 

Well you've just taken the first step towards change - awareness.

 

Now that you are aware of what you do / don't do - maybe you can take the action to change it.

 

Okay we all say things "foot in mouth" sometimes - ie. colluding when someone says they've put on some weight... so that is harder to change, but just try and take a step back and think about your response before saying it -not in every situation, as we cannot be robots and analyse and interpret everything before ever commenting, but when someone says something "down" on themselves, then maybe have think about what might be a nice thing to say to help lift them up again.

 

In regards to giving compliments, just be mindful to say nice things to people every now and then when you see them. I do this and it makes me people feel good about themselves and about YOU!

 

Ammy

 

 

p.s. It sounds like you are a nice person, giving compliments all the time doesn't make you a nice person, it does however make other people happy and makes you appear even nicer!

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Yea, thinking before I speak has never been a strong suit of mine probably because Ive never done it. Ive always just try to roll with what I got and make witty comebacks. I guess now that doesn't fly so well lol.

 

I just feel that complimenting people is a basic social function that I seemed to have missed somewhere while growing up. I think it makes a deeper connection between you and your friends because you made those friends feel good about themselves and when you do that, they automatically seem to like you more as a friend(like you said). Thats what Im looking for, is a way to make that connection with friends because right now it only seems to be "skin deep" because of my lack of social functions like complimenting.

 

Ill definitely try to start and think before I speak, but that would require me to shut up first after someone is done talking and not reply on a whim lol.

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Oh we all say things before thinking - gosh I do it all the time! It takes conscious effort not to! I'm sure you're fine, don't get too hung up on it, what you said in your initial post was not a huge faux pas.

 

In terms of giving others compliments, yeah it does make you seem more friendly and people love it. I do it quite a bit, and people always go on about what a nice person I am... It definitely increases your "niceness" rating.. hehe..

 

Ammy

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