WizardofOz Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 How many dates is a good amount before asking the other person to go exclusive? Also, what is the best way to go about it? Is it best to just directly ask them? From a ladies point of view, do you like to receive a small item at this point such as a bracelet or necklace that the male wears? Or an inexpensive item that shows and reminds you of the relationship? Thanks. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 i'm usually ready at around 1.5 months if we have seen each other 2-3 times a week. i have to be into her of course. i don't buy gifts that early. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Whenever the time is right. Some relationships move a little faster than others I think about 6-8 weeks is a good amount of time, but it depends on other things too. I would not expect or give a gift just because we became exclusive. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I wouldn't be ready for a few months... and gifts... I wouldn't be ready for that either. I'd rather see some thought go into the dates than receive a gift. Link to comment
kaoticbaby Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 i'd say maybe after 2 or 3 months, at least. i don't like when i'm asked too soon, i feel like the guy just wants a girlfriend and doesn't care who it's with. also, i don't like to enter a relationship with someone unless i am really sure we should be exclusive. my boyfriend hinted about asking me to be his girlfriend after a month and i sort of freaked out. a couple months later i opened myself up for him to ask me again, and he did Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I never had that talk with anyone. Exclusivity just sort of "happened". Link to comment
Ac143 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I think this varys from person to person, situation to situation. My BF and I became exclusive after dating for 6 months. It was a tricky situaiton though, because we worked together and on both of our parts we weren't sure if it could last while working together. We didn't give gifts like necklaces, jewerly etc unless it was a birthday or holiday. We did exchange cards and cute simple things. Nothing too expensive Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I never had that talk with anyone. Exclusivity just sort of "happened". That's my plan, no way am I ever bringing that kind of talk up, as long as we are spending time together I'm cool and will just float with it. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 yeah the exclusivity talk needs to happen at some point.... I mean a girl is not supposed to assume anything about a relationship... even if you're having sex together... thereforee, at some point it needs to be clear that both parties want to be exclusive.. otherwise it's just floundering Link to comment
waveseer Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I like it when the man has a definite plan and tells me what it is. Then if I disagree with the timing we can negotiate a timeline we are both comfortable with. One more thing, plans are subject to change from either side, so don't get too upset about it. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 yeah the exclusivity talk needs to happen at some point.... I mean a girl is not supposed to assume anything about a relationship... even if you're having sex together... thereforee, at some point it needs to be clear that both parties want to be exclusive.. otherwise it's just floundering Yeah now if I was to become initimate with this girl I think it's defintely ok to bring it up but I'm so far from that right now as I'm now getting ready for date number 3. Link to comment
WizardofOz Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 Thanks for the help everyone. Before reading, I was thinking of bringing it up a bit sooner than most have suggested. I like to have the peace of mind that I am the only one that she is seeing, even though I am pretty sure that is the case. But from what I've read, some women don't like the early commitment so it its definetely worth it to hold out than to scare them away. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Thanks for the help everyone. Before reading, I was thinking of bringing it up a bit sooner than most have suggested. I like to have the peace of mind that I am the only one that she is seeing, even though I am pretty sure that is the case. But from what I've read, some women don't like the early commitment so it its definetely worth it to hold out than to scare them away. well you don't know that for sure, in my situation it looks like i'm the only guy she is seeing but I'm not going to assume nothing-lol Even with her saying let's go out again next week during our 2nd date, still looking to meet someone else to have a balance. Link to comment
alli Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Thanks for the help everyone. Before reading, I was thinking of bringing it up a bit sooner than most have suggested. I like to have the peace of mind that I am the only one that she is seeing, even though I am pretty sure that is the case. But from what I've read, some women don't like the early commitment so it its definetely worth it to hold out than to scare them away. My bf & I moved kind of fast; we were excluive after a week of dating! But we had known each other for a year before that (didn't talk much in that time). Our circumstances were a little different. I was about to leave for a while, so it was kinda like "now or never". It was fast but I was ok with it. There's no set time period for everyone. If you have strong feelings & a connection with them right away, why not? Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 My bf & I moved kind of fast; we were excluive after a week of dating! But we had known each other for a year before that (didn't talk much in that time). Our circumstances were a little different. I was about to leave for a while, so it was kinda like "now or never". It was fast but I was ok with it. There's no set time period for everyone. If you have strong feelings & a connection with them right away, why not? every situation is different.. for sure... I don't think there is a hard and fast rule.. the two people involved are the ones to decide that... but just as a ball park a few months truthfully , If I'm still dating a guy after 2 -3 months, chances are I am being exclusive, but not formally. But it still needs to be discussed at some point, so everyone is on the same page and no assumptions are made Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I think it is different if you have already known the person before starting to date. Then you don't need to give it as much time..but if you are complete strangers when you first started dating then I think waiting a month or so is reasonable. Link to comment
TBE_1989 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Every situation is different. For me, if it happens too soon, I get freaked out and doubt the potential longevity of the relationship. If they take forever, I start to worry and doubt how much they really like me. While both of these things somewhat stem from personal issues (ie: moving too fast - that's what happened with my ex, he fell in love with me like THAT, and then ten months later fell OUT of love with me like THAT cos he was so impulsive) and I do worry about other people's perceptions of me too much (ie: the moving too slow situation), I think a lot of people feel this way. Either extreme can be really offputting. Link to comment
Fitz Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Seems like I'm not the norm either. If I've been dating a girl for a couple of months and she turns round and says 'hey, I want to go exclusive with you now', my reaction would be 'so you mean until now you've been dating/sleeping with other guys'......see ya. After a few dates I think you can decide if you are liking the person enough to carry on dating or ditch and go elsewhere, progress with someone else who has shown interest. Perhaps I'm just nieve, but after 3/4 dates, I'd like to think the person I'm seeing is not just fitting me in with her busy dating schedule, but only seeing myself unless break up is on the cards. I just think the exclusivity thing is kind of naturally assumed rather than a discussion about it. Link to comment
JenniferSNJ Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 If I meet someone I want to date (clearly, very into) then I would imagine we could become exclusive somewhat quickly - a month maybe? Because I would probably be spending a lot of time with that person (knowing me- like 4-5 times a week doing stuff) so I would be pretty exclusive with the person already. No tokens necessary-- maybe just a special date to celebrate getting together? Not sure what though. I know this one couple that went to an apple orchid together and the guy wrote Girlfriend? on the apple and handed it to her. She said yes. I think that's really cute. And she took it home, took a pic of it, etc. but whatever. I wouldn't expect a bracelet or anything. Too soon for that business. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 If I meet someone I want to date (clearly, very into) then I would imagine we could become exclusive somewhat quickly - a month maybe? Because I would probably be spending a lot of time with that person (knowing me- like 4-5 times a week doing stuff) so I would be pretty exclusive with the person already. No tokens necessary-- maybe just a special date to celebrate getting together? Not sure what though. I know this one couple that went to an apple orchid together and the guy wrote Girlfriend? on the apple and handed it to her. She said yes. I think that's really cute. And she took it home, took a pic of it, etc. but whatever. I wouldn't expect a bracelet or anything. Too soon for that business. 4 or 5 times a weeK? I don't think I need to see any girl that many times in one week no matter how much I like her Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 4 or 5 times a weeK? I don't think I need to see any girl that many times in one week no matter how much I like her Yeah, I think that is a bit excessive, especially in the early phases. I think that's why a lot of relationships go poof as fast as they started. If it starts off 4-5 times per week then once the honeymoon period is over and you have to focus on your own life, it can't sustain that intensity. I think relationships should build to that point over time, as the relationship progresses and the love deepens to something more solid than the honeymoon period "I can't breathe unless you are around" infatuation stage. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Yeah, I think that is a bit excessive, especially in the early phases. I think that's why a lot of relationships go poof as fast as they started. If it starts off 4-5 times per week then once the honeymoon period is over and you have to focus on your own life, it can't sustain that intensity. I think relationships should build to that point over time, as the relationship progresses and the love deepens to something more solid than the honeymoon period "I can't breathe unless you are around" infatuation stage. Exactly, unless I'm living with a girl it's no way I will see her 5 times a week-lol Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 I usually move pretty fast. I have never dated more than one person at a time (not by choice, just never had more than one person interested in dating me at the same time), so it's pretty straightforward on my end and they usually agree to it after a few dates. That's my typical pattern. Link to comment
happy24 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Yeah I agree its best to take things a bit slower in the beginning if you are trying to build a solid foundation for a potential life partner. Seeing someone new 2-3 times per week seems like a good number. Dont forget that you will be calling up/texting in between to show your interest too. In terms of exclusivity. I think you know when your very much into someone, and that they are very much into you........so it kinda just happens because you are both happy with each other. Sometimes there are events that mark this occasion.....like first (passionate,exciting) kiss, holding hands in public. Sometimes the other person will ask you! Dont do what I did, there was a girl who I was really into.........we had an awesome honeymoon period (she recently told me lasted over a yr), were having intimate relations and she asked me if we "were on" early on? I wasnt ready because I had come out of a relationship and said that we would be very special friends. We ended up being special friends but "exclusive" for the almost the next 3 yrs until she found someone else, and blamed me for never declaring our status Anyway, looking forward to dating / flirting again..........just to have to accept i messed up and learn from my mistake. I've lost my bestfriend and soulmate, wont do it the next time! Link to comment
sean.lvo3 Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 IME, it's almost always best when the woman makes that call. Don't ever ever ever tell her that you are dating other people (it's just rude), but when she starts to feel real feelings for you, she'll want to know if you are really there for her. And if you feel it first (which is unusual, for whatever reason), hold off, and ask yourself why. Is it really your feelings, or some jealousy? Link to comment
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