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Confused about what to do next.


Mhaira
Dream about your ex
Dream about your ex

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I'm having trouble keeping from going over and over the situation in my head, so thought it might help to write it out and maybe get some advice or other input. I feel as though my intuition is all out of balance and can't trust it.

 

The first couple of days after my ex broke up with me I went a little crazy and did all the things you're not supposed to. Constant calling/texts, begging, etc. This was largely fuelled by a fear I was pregnant and not wanting to be alone with that, but being too scared to take a test or tell him. I finally told him this and he was really good about it, hugged me, held my hand and was there when I took the test which was, thankfully, negative.

 

I felt a lot better and decided to give him his space (he had told me I was being too persistent). Went NC for a few weeks.

 

After those weeks I did have to text him once over a money issue that came up which he was unaware of, otherwise he would have had charges made on his credit card. I texted him instead of calling because I didn't want to force him into talking to me. He called me to sort it out. I kept it light and was cheerful, I didn't try to keep him talking or get into anything other than the money stuff.

 

I left it another week, then decided to try for LC. I sent a small text just asking how he is, what he's been up to. I didn't try to make plans or go for anything more. No reply.

 

So, I figure I should go NC again. The problem is that I fear this will make it look like I am trying to play games or that I don't care or something. I keep wanting to call or text to ask him if he wants me to leave him alone for longer. I just don't want to push him away. He did say he wanted to be friends, but I'm not sure how to even go about it.

 

In a sense I feel like I know the answers, but I just can't trust my judgement at this time. I feel like I'm driving myself crazy with this and need to get it out but don't know where to turn.

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"I left it another week, then decided to try for LC. I sent a small text just asking how he is, what he's been up to. I didn't try to make plans or go for anything more. No reply.

 

So, I figure I should go NC again. The problem is that I fear this will make it look like I am trying to play games or that I don't care or something."

 

 

Hi there,

 

The ball is definitely in his court. You asked how he was. No response. Leave it be.

 

D

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Also, you need to be moving on.

 

NC is for you, not a tool to get him back.

 

D

 

My big fear is that he will see it that way, like I am playing games, and not want to speak to me at all again.

 

I know NC will be best for me overall. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

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Hi Mhaira

 

I am so sorry that that your relationship hit the rocks - it sucks - no two ways about it.

 

I agree with dabbledave - you have tested the waters and he has been unresponsive. The ball is in his court now.

 

I wouldn't go down the friendship route if I were you - not whilst you still have hopes of getting back together because it will just be too painful for you.

 

Your best bet is to leave him be for the time being. Work on getting yourself back on track. I am sure from your post that you already know that this is the answer.

 

Take care of yourself and come back here for your support because lots of people here have been in your shoes and know what it feels like.

 

Mark

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My big fear is that he will see it that way, like I am playing games, and not want to speak to me at all again.

 

I know NC will be best for me overall. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

 

If he does see it that way, so what?

 

It's not a game in your mind, right?

 

So who cares if he thinks you're playing a game?

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Your best bet is to leave him be for the time being. Work on getting yourself back on track. I am sure from your post that you already know that this is the answer.

 

Take care of yourself and come back here for your support because lots of people here have been in your shoes and know what it feels like.

 

Mark

 

Thanks Mark, you're right, when I'm not feeling so emotional I know that is the best thing to do. It's when I get the big emotional waves that everything goes crazy in my mind and I need that support, and the reminder that I am doing the right thing.

 

I haven't talked about it in any real depth with friends or anyone (I simply briefly mentioned we were no longer together) so was feeling alone with it all, which only makes the situation worse.

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If he does see it that way, so what?

 

It's not a game in your mind, right?

 

So who cares if he thinks you're playing a game?

 

I need to keep reminding myself of that until I can let go of the idea there is still hope of us getting back together.

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Hi again Mhaira

 

It is not easy when it all comes whelling back up and your heart does battle with your head - it can confuse the hell out of you. That is why this place is so good because you can come here any time you want for advice and for steering in the right direction.

 

It is also a place to "get it all out" so to speak because lots of people find that writing this stuff out is very helpful. And that means that you don't have to feel alone

 

Mark

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I know you are probably anxious regarding how he is feeling and what he is up to, and furthermore if he is going to reply to the text. As dave says it doesn't matter if he thinks you are playing a game or not. It is in his turf now to take up the action if he wants to be a part of your life. You always need to think that you deserve the best and if people can't handle that way you are, then they are not meant to be a part of your life.

 

My friend recently broke up with his ex and made the same foults and when I persuaded him into going nc he always did it to get the person back instead of feeling better. But as time passed by and he didn't get the responses he had hoped for he started to realise that NC is about getting better yourself, keeping busy and tabs on social actions in order to not focus on the past. And as he has done that in the last couple of months he actually got a new gf and they are happy together. When it seems to people someone is down and can't get up you need to show them otherwise and that they need to deserve to be that speciale someone in your life. That is what you need to do girl. Get social, start training do stuff you like and hang out with your friends. Another good thing is to talk about the past with a friend or parents etc, because that can get you closer together and you wont feel alone but feel the love from people in those you trust.

 

I think that is my advicce.

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You shouldnt feel in any way that your playing games..YOU texted him HE didnt reply...leave it for now...try not to ever analyse and refocus your energy on you right now. have a bit of fun or try to...the more you let your thoughts be of him what he is thinking ,doing etc the more down you become. So go do some things youve been putting off .get out with some friends and re energise your thoughts...A male will find a girl far more attractive if she is strong and independent and gets on with things..So make yourself become this girl which Im sure you can...

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Thank you all for your advice and support, it has really helped these past two days when I've been feeling particularly emotional and weak over the situation. I'm working on myself and the issues of mine that the break up brought to light, and I've started painting again which is great!

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