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Sending a Christmas Card To Your Ex or Your Ex's Family....Is it o.k.??


wardog1
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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We have been broken up for a little over two months now. I am still healing, and I know the Holidays coming up are going to be rough because I wish I was spending it with my ex...

I am sure this case has been touched on in years past, and I am sure many of you may be wondering the same question?

 

Is it o.k. to send your ex a Christmas card?

 

If you were close with his/her family, is it o.k. to send them a Christmas card?

 

Can I....or...let me rephrase this....should I just send one to my ex, not her family? OR Just send one to her family, and not the ex? OR send one to both my ex and her family?

 

Or No card at all?

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I'm too hurt to send any card... whatsoever... Christmas, his birthday on Thanksgiving... ugggh.

 

If you were close to his family... then yes maybe... not sure...

 

but I don't plan to send a card to anyone who has ripped out my gut(s)

 

sorry... that's just how I'm feeling at the moment.. but I will not be sending him a birthday card or Christmas card... after all, he walked out on me... that is not deserving of a card.. if you ask me.

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Well, I actually had a very good relationship with her family...I know how they feel about the situation. I don't think it would be weird or awkward at all. I am just wondering the reaction from my ex, good or bad....to sending one to her, or her family?

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I've had a great relationship with her parents. Been broken up 2.5 months and she did horrible things. I'm not sure if I should send it to just them, she doesn't deserve the oxygen she breathes, let alone a card. But I think it's not worth it, I should just forget it, too complicated. I'm sure I'll never get a card from them, b/c I spoke with them couple of weeks ago and I changed my number after that. They wanted to stay in touch. Oh well.

 

I like that...that you changed your number... I want to do that. Nice way to start fresh... you are strong... good for you!

 

btw... what is your avatar?...did you take that pic?.....

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No card at all. I'm sure you really do love her family, but the message it may send her (and maybe her family) is that you aren't letting go and are just looking for a reason to contact her. I had an ex who would call on holidays and my parents' birthdays, and it just annoyed me because I knew he was just desperate to call my house for any reason.

 

If that's not the case and you just genuinely want to wish them a merry Christmas, I would just send it to her parents and not to her. Take that biatch!

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So will you send a card to your Ex, Your Ex's family, both, or NO cards at all?

 

i "might" send a card to the ex's family if i was close enough and if it was proper... like i had been dating him for years and it was common i would send cards at that time during the prior years.

 

i would send a card to the exbf only if i could find fresh dog poop to wrap inside... (but then again, even a dog's poop is more worthy of that)

 

sorry.#-o

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If your relationship with his family was separate from your relationship with him, and you plan to maintain some type of contact, then I don't see any reason not to send a card. You were together for a reasonable amount of time, so it's possible that you have a strong relationship with the family. Even if you don't expect to have a relationship with them in the future, sending a card is a kind and thoughtful thing to do. How he feels about it should be of no concern at this point, since you are no longer together. Whether or not you send a card to him depends on your relationship with him, and how things are between you. I have sent cards to the family pretty consistently. I did send to the ex, also, but stopped because he never reciprocated and we didn't really remain friends.

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I personally think if you got along well with her family and were a bit close, a simple christmas card with warm wishes is absolutley appropriate.

 

As for sending one to her, if the break up has been only two months and volatile as it sounds it was, i'd not do it. You should have no contact. But sending her family a nice card is not breaking NC. I think it is too early in the break up for doing anything like that. One day down the road if you two come to terms wtih your break up then maybe things like that will be ok. I give my ex a christmas gift these days (didnt the first year after the break up), but granted we were married and have kids so that is a little different.

 

To this day, eight years after my divorce, I still send my ex's family christmas cards. There is absolutely nothing that keeps me from still talking to them. I am friends with his brothers and sisters - altho we dno't 'hang out' i did invite his sister and her husband over for dinner a few times (they had dinner with my current SO even, he thought they were great people). But its been a few years ago. And i still sned my former nieces and nephews bday cards.

 

Now i dont' advocate you do all that, but sending a christmas card is a nice gesture if you like the family.

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We were in a relationship for two years, over the past two holidays, I sent them a card and also of course spent the actual day with them.

 

Her family did alot for me also over that time, one other reason it makes it tough on me....I miss her sooo much, but I do also miss her family. They liked me and I pretty much get the jist that they thought we would get married one day.

 

So from what I gather, you guys think I should send one card and address it to the whole family?

 

I have no ill feelings towards my ex, she did hurt me by breaking up with me....but the breakup was really both our faults. So there are soooo many questions on what the best way to go about it in sending a card and getting a positive reaction. Do you think she will take me addressing it to the whole family as a snub??

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Sending a card is not a good idea.You need to detatch yourself from her and her family.It's just not possible or proper to have contact with her family if the relationship has ended.If her family were special to you they will know that and a card is not required.I am sure your ex would not like it.It could have a type of stalking effect on her.

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I sent a card to my ex's family last year. It felt better in the short-term but long-term I'd say it probably set me back in my healing.

 

It sucks, I know. You get close to their family and as if the breakup wasn't bad enough, now other people (ex's family) you met and got close to will also be going away.

 

It's interesting, I asked this same exact question last year. I say send it. Do whatever it takes to drill some reality into your head. Not trying to sound mean, but I was in denial for so long.

 

Honestly, I haven't though about my ex in a while. I've been trying to move on--and since things with my new woman seem to be coming to a screeching halt--I seem to be thinking about my ex a little more than I used to.

 

But I won't be sending any of them cards this year. There's no point. I'm not friends with my ex, I'm not friends with her family, and I no longer have any interest in knowing any of them. It took me a long time to get here, but somehow I did it.

 

Is it a good idea to send a card? Probably not. Will it set you back in your healing? Probably. Did you already make up your mind to send the cards even before you started this thread? Most definitely.

 

So just do it if you really want to.

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prettymommy, I guess I see your point. My argument is, though, if the ex and his/her family is in your past and you know you'll never see them again...or you have no interest in ever seeing them again or maintaining contact, then why waste your time? Spread some holiday cheer? Pfff...please!

 

I sent the card to my ex last year for selfish reasons. I wanted her family to say to her, "look at the huge mistake you made by getting rid of him! He was a real keeper...look, he just sent us a christmas card!"

 

And I wanted my ex to re-think the situation.

 

However, since a year has gone by, I couldn't care less what my ex or her family thinks about me. If they think I'm bitter for not sending a card, let them. If they feel bad because I didn't send them one, then let them. If they feel nothing and don't even remember me, that's fine by me too!

 

That's how I know I'm over it...because I honestly don't care anymore!

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But really..... if the break-up wasn't overly negative, sending a little card to the ex and/or his family with "Merry Christmas, From X" on it shouldn't put you back in your healing. I

 

It shouldn't put you back on your healing, but people can think irrationally and negatively when getting over a breakup.I know I have, and sometimes continue to do in my ''nearly-over-him'' phase.

 

I know if I sent a card to my ex's family, my mind would be inundated with ''what did they think?'', ''are they going to say thanks?'', ''are they going to send a card themselves?'' type-thoughts. Yes, it's crazy and I shouldn't hypothetically think like that, but breakups and healing are rough times and can cause people to think irrationally.

 

I think your first holiday without your ex is always going to be hard, but sending an Xmas card and wondering about the consequences (however irrational or irrelevent) of sending it could just make the holidays harder.

 

That said, I do see what you're saying about how not sending a card could send out a hostile message, but when you're healing, sometimes you just have to put yourself first.

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I reckon you could send one if you genuinely wont be disappointed at perhaps getting nothing in return...it's your motives that maybe count the most. i really feel sending it to her parents and not her actually makes it look as if you are NOT moving on...that perhaps you are still bitter and hurt (which since I am in the same boat I understand fully - I had my break up just over 2 months a go and still fantasize that maybe I will send a card and it will trigger a deluge of memories in him and he will want me back and turn up at my door serenading me....dangerous ground). If you send it send it to the whole famiily and keep the message very very short and simple - just a happy holidays or something. But I really think you need to know what you want from doing it and know that it may bring you nothing. sending you big hugs xxxxx

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  • 3 weeks later...

I sent a card to her and her family, addressing that exact way.

My ex was close with my family also, and my family too signed the card that I sent.

I also enclosed a gift certificate to her family's favorite restaurant to go to for dinner once a week.

Before we broke up, I said for about a month I was going buy her family dinner because they took me on a trip in August....so, I just wanted to follow through with what I said I was going to do.

 

I don't really expect anything in return....or for it to trigger a reconciliation. If there is some sort of positive response from it, thats great...if not, oh well whats done is done.

 

She already knows I love her, miss her, and that I want to be with her, so I don't think a card will change anything.

 

I just felt it was necessary to send it to her and her family because they were a part of my life over the past few years and even though she does not want to be with me, what happened is not thier fault.

 

I am sure there were some subconscious things in me doing it the way I did, but it is my first form of contact in a while.

 

Any thoughts???

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