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a talk about dating, sexual orientation, and STD's


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Okay, I'm glad there is this place where I can discuss anything. I'm very reserved about this with people I know. I'm hoping to get some questions answered. I have always thought I was a straight guy. I mean, I've been kind of shy all my life and have never had too much luck in dating with girls. I've only gone out with one girl in my entire life, but it went nowhere, we kinda turned into best friends for a while during my teenage years. Other than that, there's nothing else. I'm a virgin, and I don't mind, I'm not in a hurry to lose it. Okay, enough about me, I want to talk about the "issue." Thing is, I'm somewhat confused about my sexuality. I watch porn, I am not going to lie to you about that. In fact, sometimes a lot of it, depending on how strong my physical needs are, and I dunno if it's because of my age, but it's so insane sometimes. I've never been into guy on guy stuff. I always have found the backside the most attractive part of a woman. Not to say I do not like the front. But I always was curious and I'd be most interested in anal sex.

 

So, in the last couple of years I've almost exclusively watched transexual pornography. It's the only pornography that turns me on anymore. I've seen it on the web pretty often, I do not know about proper terminology, really. I always used to believe transexual was just a man in woman's clothing and make up, but that's really not what I'm into. So maybe somebody could clarify this. What is the correct, non-vulgar, term for somebody who's not just a guy by day and woman by night, but is 24/7 between the two of them? By that I mean, she has a body that looks just like a woman's except for the reproductive organ. A transwoman? Not sure, because I thought a transwoman was a man on the way of completely switching into a biological woman. I wish to know, because I do not mean to be rude.

 

I do not know how my parents would react if they knew this about me, so I think I'll keep it a secret. I mean, up until now it hasn't made much of a difference, because "in real life" I've always just thought about approaching women. But, here's the thing, I hear my city's supposed to be LGBT friendly and I should be turning 21 in the next 2 months or so I've been kind of looking into bars and clubs and found of a couple ones that are supposed to have good drag shows/nights, but, like I said, I don't think if that's what I'm into, because I'm not even sure about terminology here. It doesn't surprise me that the city's LGBT friendly, because I do see lots of gay men. Anyway, I am pretty shy, and all this is so new and confusing to me. I'm not even sure if a bar's what I should be looking into if I want to date. So I know what I'm looking for now. It's not that I'm not into girls anymore, I just want to try this because I find it most interesting. I wouldn't picture a transexual to be much different from a girl personality-wise, so I'm not thinking "oh, it's gonna be easier" and in fact think it's probably gonna be harder for me cause I'll probably be more nervous.

 

On top of it all, I am pretty scared of STD's. I grew up believing the stereotype that at least percentage-wise, people of non-heterosexual orientation are more promiscuous. I do not know how true that is, but I'd be really scared of STD's if I met a girl at a heterosexual bar who asked me to take her home too, to be honest, and most likely wouldn't go through with it. Would it be worse? Would it depend? I am not sure. I can make another thread about this one with more specifics.

 

So, I guess my question is about terminology and also about how I can find places where I can go try to meet who I'm looking for. What should I expect? Is it going to be JUST like a heterosexual bar, which, again, this is what I grew up believing, is more for people looking for casual sex and such? Or would that be my best bet? Also, I do not know how much of a problem my age is going to be, since I'm going to be barely 21, I expect most people at those places who'll be looking for mates to be older than me, especially since I'm still in college and most college-age people look for mates in college, so I am not even sure about how serious I will be taken if I were to try. Please, I need some advice on what to do. Am I just being lustful? I just say this because from my post you might think I watch too much porn or something. This is really not the case I rarely watch. Or you might think the only difference I see is the sex, but I actually expect it to be so much different than that. I admit I'd be lying if I said the sex doesn't interest me a lot and that it's not a factor for me to want to go through with searching for dates with this type of person... But it's more than that. I mean, I am pretty scared of STD's, like I said, and I wouldn't go searching for just "experimenting" in 1-night stands.

 

Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I think they'd be more on the same page with me, when it comes to tastes, than a regular girl. I do not know what to expect, which is another reason I want to try this, because it'll answer so many questions, and who knows? I probably will not like the experience and will prefer to continue approaching girls instead. Any sort of advice that will help me sort this out will be appreciated, please.

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Pornography really isnt a good teacher, it doesnt really give you an idea of the "human" aspect of sexuality and really not even a good teacher of what sex is supposed to be like. Having said that it almost seems like it has been your only teacher and I think that is unfortunate.

 

I hope that when you do meet someone for a one night stand for example, that you're not all filled with certain expectations of that the other person expects you to do even though you might not feel comfortable doing them and the other way around. Just because that's what they do in porns doesnt mean you neccesarily have to be in doing them.

 

All I can say about STD's and your fear of them is get yourself educated, how you prevent them, what your acceptable risks are and what you should do if you do if you do catch a STD.

 

Try not to over-analyze what you are into and try to go with the flow a little bit, you are still young and your tasts and preferences might still be quite fluid.

 

Good Luck

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Yes I know pornography isn't a good teacher. I mean, I feel like such a sleazeball. I've got very limited real experience. But I think I will never learn about the real deal unless I know where to meet people. But, I mean, I didn't take this seriously until now that I'm about to turn 21. I used to consider it just a fetish. Now I actually want to meet transwomen and see what it really is like to interact with a real actual human one. I do not even know what to expect. I read somewhere they are statistically very likely to behave just like a biological woman, when it comes to everything from behaviors to sexual positions. I said I didn't just want 1-night stands, so hopefully it won't come to that. As for acceptable risks and such with STD's, yes I would like to learn more. I, perhaps, will post again about that. Yes, I have expectations, I can't help it. And most likely I will find things to be very different in real life and I might just give it up and keep this as a fantasy. But until I meet real live people I guess I'll never know. Maybe I should rearrange my thoughts and post again later. Sexuality is so confusing to me, especially because it's still a mystery to me.

 

Leaving the porn part out. Like I said, I hope I didn't come off as a sleazeball, but I am just saying that at least the visual part turns me on probably more than biological women. I am still pretty dead set on trying. How do I look into finding places where social gatherings take place where I can find potential dates, perhaps. I am not even sure.

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a friend of mine has a female body but a male mind, and he calls himself a trans guy, so you are right in calling someone with a male body but a female mind a trans woman.

 

the truth about STD in this case is just that anal sex is a lot more dangerous, even with a normal condom, because it can rip and the lining of the anus is easily bruised and can thus transfer STDs. you should be able to find extra strong condoms, i can't remember exactly what they're called. (not the extra safe ones, tho, these are only extra safe against pregnancies!)

 

I hope you find your answers soon

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