JadedStar Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Um I honestly wouldn't be here if I absolutely didn't think it was healty...maybe I should have worded it differently. Why all the sarcasm? Isn't this a helpful board?? I feel kinda judged with this post. Well you put it out there and i responded. I legitamately wondered if you could possibly not see that it is wrong to want to track your b/f's every move. Since apparently you really don't know why it is wrong, i guess all i can say is that it will suffocate this guy and you cuold likely lose him if he realizes you are this adamant about always knowing where he is. I don't judge you, i don't even know you, but my advice remains the same. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 Well of course I don't want to be his mom and place a gps system into his body I just feel bad for the way I have been acting since we moved in and want to stop it before we start to argue and such. I have been cheated on in previous relationships but we have been together for almost 6 years so I thought I was over it but I guess not? Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 Well you put it out there and i responded. I legitamately wondered if you could possibly not see that it is wrong to want to track your b/f's every move. Since apparently you really don't know why it is wrong, i guess all i can say is that it will suffocate this guy and you cuold likely lose him if he realizes you are this adamant about always knowing where he is. I don't judge you, i don't even know you, but my advice remains the same. ok..... Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 ok..... Did you want people to answer, or no? I am saying that if you don't get this in check you might lose him. The behavior is not conducive to a healthy relationship. By all means continue if you like, but i am trying to stress how counterproductive this behavior really is. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I have been cheated on in previous relationships but we have been together for almost 6 years so I thought I was over it but I guess not? I knew it so that answers it. Just remember that you're dealing with your current boyfriend who loves and trust you not the cheating ex's you had. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 That would be my guess as well. A big reason why couples break up is because they move in together and one or another is annoyed by how much or how little space the other desires. Thank you for your advice. I am almost sure its since we move in together. I need to keep my mind on other things instead of him being out like I did before we moved in together I think. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 I knew it so that answers it. Just remember that you're dealing with your current boyfriend who loves and trust you not the cheating ex's you had. thats so weird how that could be inside of me after so long. Link to comment
schueysgirl Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 This is going to sound horrible and I really dont mean it to be ok?! But do you have nothing else to do while he is out except sit in and wait for him? Sounds like you are not occupiying yourself and being independent and thereforee just sitting around waiting and pining over him? If you had other stuff to do then it would take your mind off missing him. If it is JUST missing him then this will solve your problem. Everyone misses their partners when hey go out wherever, but its the way of life and having time apart is healthy. However, if it something other than msising him and a TRUST issue then simply distracting yourself wnot help. If he has never gievn you reason to not trust him then do not go down this long and horrible road!! Do you have some friends you can go out with, go and see your parents or even take up a hobby when he is out? If i cannot get out of our flat and my friends cannot come round when my boyfriend is out (which has happened recently when his car broke and he needed mine to take to his second job at night time) i have stayed in and started diong some painting by numbers... No i am not 5 lol but paintnig by numbers is good if you cant draw Find something else to do so you are not waiting round for him..its not very attractive and eventually he will get fed up of your constant checking. Of course he should tell you where he is going and maybe a text to say "hope your ok, im missing you" is fine. But over the top checking is not good and will eventually destry your relationship... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 my last serious gf was the same way. just another reason i left her. i had to justify where these hours and those hours of the day went. then i'd hear, 'i just don't understand where all of your time goes.' i got the impression that she thought i was always cheating. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Coco are you spending more or less time with him now that you live together? Did you stop any activities of hobbies since you moved in with him. If you've been together 6 years and just recently felt this need since you moved in together, it seems logical that the two are related. And I have a feeling it may be due to boredom or maybe he isn't doing anything different than before, but now that you are living together and see it all, you are now aware of it. I'm not sure that I see where people are being rude or judgemental, but the bottom line is you need to work through this before it becomes a strain on your relationship. Why not talk to him about it - tell him you are having these irrational feelings of knowing where you are all the time and you don't know why.. he maybe able to give you some insight, but is too afraid to do so without an invitation. If you open this line of communication, don't get defensive and just learn from it. If you get defensive, he'll likely not open up easily again. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 we talked last night and he said that when he is out he is just chilling out and sometimes he worries that I am going to be mad that he didn't call me when it gets late and he looses track of time. He said he didn't want to be watching the clock etc... I felt bad because I didn't know that I had him watching the clock! I don't mean to come off like this. When he goes out I usually just take up some time with reading or a movie or have me time because I actually do like my time alone.... its weird because then I start to miss him but I can't expect him to be there all the time. My family is close so sometimes I go there. I guess I should do more things..make more friends. I am a bit shy so I don't have many friend here where I live. Link to comment
heaven66 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I used to be that way but 1 of the reasons I know that this one is the one is because I trust him...I don't ask anything really because he tells me on his own...and yes that is not a good thing...Remember this..worry about what you can control and not what you can't...If he is going to meet anyone else he will no matter if you worry or if you don't...I leave it up to him..if im worth it im sure he will know what to do and what not to do...think about it... Link to comment
heaven66 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 To a guy when a woman is this way it shows you are insecure...show him that you trust him and im sure you will get a diffrent reaction from him..a positive one i may add. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 and the only thing you can control is YOU! Link to comment
heaven66 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 and the only thing you can control is YOU! YUP thank you I forgot that part!!...LOL Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 I am the same way and it is really hard I must say, my boyfriend broke up with me because of this so be very careful Link to comment
schueysgirl Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Its just strange why is has come up now...are you waiting for any more commitment from him other than moving in, such as engagement or marriage? Or have I missed that you already are? If you are not either of these maybe in your head you want MORE securty now, after the moving in comes the next steps and your brain is telling you that you NEED more to feel secure? Which is of course rubbish! Link to comment
penelope13 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 do you know how exciting it is to know that your guy is out all day/evening, but then in the end he chooses to come home to you, not because he has to, but because he wants to? - don't deprive yourself of that joy! Link to comment
metrogirl Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 If I had to babysit my boyfriend and his every move, the relationship wouldn't be for me. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 Its just strange why is has come up now...are you waiting for any more commitment from him other than moving in, such as engagement or marriage? Or have I missed that you already are? If you are not either of these maybe in your head you want MORE securty now, after the moving in comes the next steps and your brain is telling you that you NEED more to feel secure? Which is of course rubbish! we aren't married but we have definitley talk about it. We just haven't gotten that far yet which is fine..we are growing up. I actually really really hate feeling like this. I just want him to be able to hang out with his friends, do whatever he wants and just come home and hang out with me and we have fun together. I don't want to call him or anything like that. I guess its some weird fear of losing him which I guess has to do with trust and security. He had never given me reason or ever cheated so I guess I just need to relax Link to comment
chloe1981 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 This may sound ridiculous to some people and I understand that not everyone enjoys cleaning & cooking like I do. But when my bf works late, goes out with mates or whatever I personally really love it because it gives me a chance to give our place a really good clean…I pop on some old clothes, put on some music and just go for it. I find it not only gives me something to do…but I love that satisfying feeling you get when your home is all lovely and clean. Our unit is only small so it only takes a couple of hours to clean and afterwards ill get all the washing done. After all that, I usually will cook up something really yummy, have a nice cold glass of wine and snuggle up to watch a movie on Foxtel. I am not suggesting everyone enjoys cleaning and cooking but if you do, you should try giving it go. The time will just fly by and by the time you are finished I bet you’ll be so tired that you will probably fall asleep easier, instead of laying awake wondering whether he will be home soon. Try not to beat yourself up too much over it…I think the key is to keep yourself busy doing something you really enjoy! Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 This is because you are secure with yourself and your relationship and enjoy the time alone to do your thing. This is very normal. It's a good thing. Link to comment
chloe1981 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Thanks jadedstar It also helps when you spend most nights together...you REALLY do cherish the nights you get to yourself because it is not that often. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 Thanks everyone Link to comment
schueysgirl Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Chloe!! I am exactly the same!! Someone else who finds cleaning rewarding!!! Yay!! I do exactly the same thing...put the music on and off I go, and our flat is quite small so yes a couple of hours tops for a really good clean and then I do the washing too I also do some lesson writing for my work, as their is always new lessons and subjects that need writing for my class And after all the cleaning I have a nice bath and then get some wine and sit on the sofa and catch up on the tv Good for you girl xxx Link to comment
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