CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 am starting to develop a weird habit of constantly needing to know where my boyfriend is and when he is coming back home! I don't really like being this way and I wanted to know if this is normal for a Long Term Relationship. He has never been unfaithful but he is very outgoing and meets new people almost everywhere he goes. Sometimes when he doesn't call me when he is out and about I get upset, I think he is beginning to get annoyed if you know what I mean. Is this normal? I am new here so hi everyone. Thanks! Link to comment
littlestar Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Welcome to ENA! I don't think it's a healthy attitude to have to want to "Track" your bf's whereabouts and every mood. I think it's far from normal. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 Thanks for your welcome I knew it was bad but what does this mean? Is it something wrong with my outlook on him or something? Link to comment
littlestar Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Thanks for your welcome I knew it was bad but what does this mean? Is it something wrong with my outlook on him or something? Maybe an issue with not trusting him? or being a little controlling? My ex used to do this to me and its because he had unresolved trust issues from the past. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 Sometimes he does say I like to control everything and my mom even told me that I am controlling. So if he is out and about I should just leave him alone? Maybe an issue with not trusting him? or being a little controlling? My ex used to do this to me and its because he had unresolved trust issues from the past. Link to comment
orangesoda Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 is he ever unreachable? if not, then you shouldn't be having this problem. Link to comment
littlestar Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Sometimes he does say I like to control everything and my mom even told me that I am controlling. So if he is out and about I should just leave him alone? U dont necessarily need to "leave him alone" but just refrain from "checking" on him all the time. When u do check on him what do u usually ask him?? Where are u? what u doing? etc. Link to comment
greywolf Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Tracking someone is one thing, and just wanting to know where they are is another. When my ex and I were together, I'd call randomly just to ask her what she was doing. Just because I was interested in her life. hehe Link to comment
Jetta Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Checking up on someone is NOT normal. Asking or inquiring about their day is however normal. Where did you go today? As apposed to where have you been all day? Subtle differences. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Defintely not normal. I think you need to discover the root of the issue, and start thinking about what you're after, and maybe start looking at the situations. Why do you really want to know everything and anything? Why are you being untrustworthy, or insecure? Has he done anything? Change your negative thoughts with positive realistic thoughts. Link to comment
FreedomRing Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Welcome Have you been this controlling in past relationships? Link to comment
redhearts Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 It is almost the same thing as saying you don't trust your bf. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I would be so spooked out if my b/f had done that. That only makes you seem like a stalker. So no it's not healthy, I think you should stop doing this else he's gonna get tire of it and eventually break-up with you. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 It is almost the same thing as saying you don't trust your bf. Exactly. A constant call of "Where are you? What are you doing?" just screams "I don't trust you, what are you doing.." Thats the message you are probably sending off. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 Wow I didn't expect such harsh responses. I must be pretty weird. Well its not that I don't trust him. I just miss him so I wonder when he will be back. He isn't unreachable really...If I call he will answer and say he is talking with so and so. The times I really get sad is when he is out late and he hardly ever stays out late so its a mixture of worry and just missing him. Does that make sense? Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Whats all of a sudden made you like this? cos I got the impression that you were'nt always? Has he done something that maybe you thought was a bit deceptive? is it cos he meets new people and you're getting a little paranoid? there has to have been some sort of trigger, more or less of something etc.. Either way, carry on and you're just gonna lose him its that simple. You are gonna have to seriously get some willpower here. Link to comment
PlumGT Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 If he is rarely out late, there's nothing to really worry about, because it's not a habit. There's nothing wrong wanting to stay out late once in awhile. I understand that you may feel uncomfortable/worry , because you're not used to it...but it's all about how you look at it. For instance, if you're busy doing your own thing or hanging out with your friends late, your mind won't be focused on where is he/I miss him, because you'll be preoccupied and having fun too. =) Another issue, there is no point in missing him, because he's out late unless you're usually around him at night. Because if you two aren't normally together at night, what is the difference between him being at home and him being out with his friends? Because either way, you're not with him in person. Just some things for you to think about. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Wow I didn't expect such harsh responses. I must be pretty weird. Well its not that I don't trust him. I just miss him so I wonder when he will be back. He isn't unreachable really...If I call he will answer and say he is talking with so and so. The times I really get sad is when he is out late and he hardly ever stays out late so its a mixture of worry and just missing him. Does that make sense? You're not weird, its just not typical or healthy really. Wanting to know what you're partner is upto, is normal. To a certain extent. If I haven't heard from my guy all day, I'll drop a little call to chit chat, what have you been upto, and thats that. There's a difference between wanting to know what they are doing all the time, and feeling the need to call and find out. That's an insecurity almost, like you don't trust him. If you miss him that much that you need to call repeatedly to check in, then that as well isn't healthy and you're too commited to the relationship. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 It's 9:30 right now. I don't know where my bf is but I really am not worried about it. He'll call me around 11 or so when it's time to talk. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 It's 9:30 right now. I don't know where my bf is but I really am not worried about it. He'll call me around 11 or so when it's time to talk. THIS IS HOW I WANT TO BE! We do usually hang out at night so if he is gone at night I miss him although I know I can't expect him to spend every night or weekend with me. We live together so maybe that is why I am like this now. We moved in together about 2 months ago. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 THIS IS HOW I WANT TO BE! We do usually hang out at night so if he is gone at night I miss him although I know I can't expect him to spend every night or weekend with me. We live together so maybe that is why I am like this now. We moved in together about 2 months ago. That would be my guess as well. A big reason why couples break up is because they move in together and one or another is annoyed by how much or how little space the other desires. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 Thanks for your welcome I knew it was bad but what does this mean? Is it something wrong with my outlook on him or something? Is this for real? You really do not think there is a huge issue here? He does not need a mother who wants to put a GPS tracking chip in the flesh of his upper arm. Why do you need to do this? This is extremely controlling. If you want to totally ruin your relationship, you are on the right track. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 Is this for real? You really do not think there is a huge issue here? He does not need a mother who wants to put a GPS tracking chip in the flesh of his upper arm. Why do you need to do this? This is extremely controlling. If you want to totally ruin your relationship, you are on the right track. Um I honestly wouldn't be here if I absolutely didn't think it was healty...maybe I should have worded it differently. Why all the sarcasm? Isn't this a helpful board?? I feel kinda judged with this post. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Share Posted November 20, 2008 I feel bad for posting this now. I'm embarrassed. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I feel bad for posting this now. I'm embarrassed. i don't think you were criticize, just that it's harder at times to say it in handwritten whereas in person it's say with emotions. But see you gotta think that he might end up breaking up with you if he decides that he can't handle it. Have you been cheated on or lie in the past prior to your boyfriend? Link to comment
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